If you chase after relatives who don’t want to engage—why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's all different reasons. In my family we have 2 who do this. One is not some highly social extrovert, but is attention seeking and always the victim. When those around her get sick of giving her praise and pity she needs new sources of this supply. You could have a spouse dying of cancer and she will still try to get you to feel sorry for her because she now has carpal tunnel.

Another in my family has rigid ideas about family and how we must be close.

In my husband's family there is so much cutoff and dysfunction I think 2 well meaning members are desperate to create warmth, but they will do really manipulative and borderline abusive things to force connection and closeness.

+1

MIL and SIL.

[Anonymous]

Very passive aggressive brother who said frieneny stuff to certain nephews whom share his political views. All are postal workers whom seem to have to acquired (in their eyes) macro economic knowledge that is core to my professional life. They are not MAGA btw.
They would aggressively bring up that I was wrong in the way I successfully applied what I learned in my profession.
It started a cycle of him apologizing (or not, laughing, har! har!) then doing the exact same things a month or two later.
I finally stopped all contact with all of them and I am quite OK with being "blamed" for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very passive aggressive brother who said frieneny stuff to certain nephews whom share his political views. All are postal workers whom seem to have to acquired (in their eyes) macro economic knowledge that is core to my professional life. They are not MAGA btw.
They would aggressively bring up that I was wrong in the way I successfully applied what I learned in my profession.
It started a cycle of him apologizing (or not, laughing, har! har!) then doing the exact same things a month or two later.
I finally stopped all contact with all of them and I am quite OK with being "blamed" for it.

A professional who used who/whom incorrectly twice in one post might need some advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very passive aggressive brother who said frieneny stuff to certain nephews whom share his political views. All are postal workers whom seem to have to acquired (in their eyes) macro economic knowledge that is core to my professional life. They are not MAGA btw.
They would aggressively bring up that I was wrong in the way I successfully applied what I learned in my profession.
It started a cycle of him apologizing (or not, laughing, har! har!) then doing the exact same things a month or two later.
I finally stopped all contact with all of them and I am quite OK with being "blamed" for it.

A professional who used who/whom incorrectly twice in one post might need some advice.

OK lame and useless grammar police fool.

[Anonymous]

Are they toxic op? I find toxic acquaintances, the ones who are overly competitive/ judgmental/ passive aggressive/ gossipy/ bossy cannot accept someone does not want to be around them and they just keep trying to force it. If someone doesn’t seem to want to be around me I just find a way to put the ball in their court and if they never pass the proverbial back I accept it. Some people just cannot give other peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are socially clueless and think everyone must be exactly like them. The concept that someone might prefer peace and silence after a brief interaction is alien to them.

I think this is the case for my wife’s aunt who’s just exhausting and can’t take a hint. She also doesn’t have much going on in her life so just latches on to anyone she can talk at.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like they already know the answer and want the validation that their answer is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like they already know the answer and want the validation that their answer is correct.

The 7:40 entry on page 1 proves you are wrong. But hey, why let the truth get in the way of your projected fiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both in my family and my husband’s family, there are a few extroverted relatives who seriously chase down people who are giving off tons of social cues that they either don’t want to be engaged, or they want to extricate themselves after a few minutes of conversation. As a rather midddle-of-the-road personality, I understand both the extroverts’ desire to connect, and the introverts’ desire to enjoy some quiet time (we’re talking all-day family visits or overnight visits, not just, say, a 2-hour dinner.) I also understand that introverts may prefer 1:1 conversation with a favorite cousin or aunt or uncle, or a sibling, but they wouldn’t enjoy a big group conversation with lots of questions being fired at them.

My question to the extroverts/types who chase people down is: why? If someone is putting out signals that they don’t want to talk, or want a conversation to end, or don’t want tons of questions, why do you pursue them? Why don’t you leave them alone? I say hello to people and if they don’t seem to want to talk, I keep it moving. What is the point of chasing after people? It reminds me of kids who chase the cat under the couch, still trying to pet it—most adults know if you wait and give the cat space, it will come to you. Why are you chasing after the cats?

Since what you describe is not a common family dynamic at all and really only some weird thing in your families, it might be better to ask these people in your family directly rather than posting here, where no one can relate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very passive aggressive brother who said frieneny stuff to certain nephews whom share his political views. All are postal workers whom seem to have to acquired (in their eyes) macro economic knowledge that is core to my professional life. They are not MAGA btw.
They would aggressively bring up that I was wrong in the way I successfully applied what I learned in my profession.
It started a cycle of him apologizing (or not, laughing, har! har!) then doing the exact same things a month or two later.
I finally stopped all contact with all of them and I am quite OK with being "blamed" for it.

A professional who used who/whom incorrectly twice in one post might need some advice.

OK lame and useless grammar police fool.

Appears you never learned the difference between ad hominem attacks and an argument. It stands that not knowing how to correctly use words like who/whom demonstrates lack of basic education.

[Anonymous]

People who do this do not respect you. Ignore and move on.

[Anonymous]

They were raised with family values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are socially clueless and think everyone must be exactly like them. The concept that someone might prefer peace and silence after a brief interaction is alien to them.

I think this is the case for my wife’s aunt who’s just exhausting and can’t take a hint. She also doesn’t have much going on in her life so just latches on to anyone she can talk at.

She might be smarter than you think. Being unwanted can feel better than being alone.

[Anonymous]

Introvert child of two clueless and dominating extroverts. Sometimes it’s like they’ve never met me, and I’m middle aged. Lots of “big” conversation starters thrown at me at inopportune times (think: I’m on my way into the bathroom: hey so how’s your job going by the way?). Just completely clueless and at this point they just don’t care if their questions and chit chat is off putting. I’ve met people like this at work too. Don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both in my family and my husband’s family, there are a few extroverted relatives who seriously chase down people who are giving off tons of social cues that they either don’t want to be engaged, or they want to extricate themselves after a few minutes of conversation. As a rather midddle-of-the-road personality, I understand both the extroverts’ desire to connect, and the introverts’ desire to enjoy some quiet time (we’re talking all-day family visits or overnight visits, not just, say, a 2-hour dinner.) I also understand that introverts may prefer 1:1 conversation with a favorite cousin or aunt or uncle, or a sibling, but they wouldn’t enjoy a big group conversation with lots of questions being fired at them.

My question to the extroverts/types who chase people down is: why? If someone is putting out signals that they don’t want to talk, or want a conversation to end, or don’t want tons of questions, why do you pursue them? Why don’t you leave them alone? I say hello to people and if they don’t seem to want to talk, I keep it moving. What is the point of chasing after people? It reminds me of kids who chase the cat under the couch, still trying to pet it—most adults know if you wait and give the cat space, it will come to you. Why are you chasing after the cats?

Since what you describe is not a common family dynamic at all and really only some weird thing in your families, it might be better to ask these people in your family directly rather than posting here, where no one can relate?

Plenty of people have responded saying they have family or ILs like this, and have offered perspective. I’m sorry you didn’t like that we are describing you.