Weekend Vacation While Divorcing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks! I have this vision of family vacations in the future. The past few days have been especially tough as divorce process is getting real and some of the behaviors of yelling and insults have been present. But our kids are early elementary and this trip would be more centered on them. I want them to have good memories and hope we can be civil. Honestly less stressful on my own emotionally but don’t want my spouse to feel left out.

Grow up, OP. You are getting divorced. Stop living in a fantasy world.

I am divorced. We do kids birthdays and a weekend once a year for the kids. I know another divorced family that does this. It does not have to be the way you assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are about to start the divorce process. Our anniversary is coming up and it is up and down. Sometimes fine and sometimes a lot of yelling, insults, or passive aggressive. I had planned a short trip with young kids. Should I have my spouse stay behind (I told my spouse to come if they want to come) or have us all go?

I'd leave him behind. Go and have a happy time with your kids! I took my kids to an amusement park on my last anniversary during divorce and we had a great day!

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t sound like OP is the one who wants to get divorced.

No, I would not go on vacation with someone I am divorcing. I’m married and taking my kids out of town this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are about to start the divorce process. Our anniversary is coming up and it is up and down. Sometimes fine and sometimes a lot of yelling, insults, or passive aggressive. I had planned a short trip with young kids. Should I have my spouse stay behind (I told my spouse to come if they want to come) or have us all go?

If you separated, then you should not travel together. You spending a weekend with him on a trip may break your one year separation requirement.

[Anonymous]

I have no experience with this, so feel free to ignore my question.

Would it make it harder for your kids to go have a fun time together and then tell them you're splitting?

Just wondering if announcing the divorce right after vacation would cause more confusion for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Are you separated or starting to separate?

I would not vacation together in either scenario.

We know divorced parents who take turns with one another. They rotate spring break, winter break, long weekends and they both each take kids on summer vacations.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t ask for the divorce but completely agree with it. I am worried about the financial fallout but I feel much less anxiety and less walking on eggshells and less waiting for my spouse to blow up. Kids have no idea we are splitting up (although my oldest elementary kid has brought it up probably sensing the tension). Sometimes we get along great. Sometimes it’s just managing the passive aggressive comments, yelling, or bodily nervousness. I would love to have a good coparenting relationship where we can still do things together as a family-holidays, birthdays, dinners, vacations. We are in the beginning stages of divorce and so won’t tell kids for a while since we are still living together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks! I have this vision of family vacations in the future. The past few days have been especially tough as divorce process is getting real and some of the behaviors of yelling and insults have been present. But our kids are early elementary and this trip would be more centered on them. I want them to have good memories and hope we can be civil. Honestly less stressful on my own emotionally but don’t want my spouse to feel left out.

Grow up, OP. You are getting divorced. Stop living in a fantasy world.

I am divorced. We do kids birthdays and a weekend once a year for the kids. I know another divorced family that does this. It does not have to be the way you assume.

That one weekend once a year sucks. What is the point of it? Hey, this is the life you could have had but mommy and daddy jacked it up for you all? Here is a sneak peek though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t ask for the divorce but completely agree with it. I am worried about the financial fallout but I feel much less anxiety and less walking on eggshells and less waiting for my spouse to blow up. Kids have no idea we are splitting up (although my oldest elementary kid has brought it up probably sensing the tension). Sometimes we get along great. Sometimes it’s just managing the passive aggressive comments, yelling, or bodily nervousness. I would love to have a good coparenting relationship where we can still do things together as a family-holidays, birthdays, dinners, vacations. We are in the beginning stages of divorce and so won’t tell kids for a while since we are still living together.

So he is leaving you. I am sorry. The sooner you accept you are not together, the better it will be. You don’t do family holidays together. This is not how it works.

Sounds like you want to keep everything the same as if you are still a family.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. I stay in my meh marriage so that we can do those things together - holidays, vacations, birthdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t ask for the divorce but completely agree with it. I am worried about the financial fallout but I feel much less anxiety and less walking on eggshells and less waiting for my spouse to blow up. Kids have no idea we are splitting up (although my oldest elementary kid has brought it up probably sensing the tension). Sometimes we get along great. Sometimes it’s just managing the passive aggressive comments, yelling, or bodily nervousness. I would love to have a good coparenting relationship where we can still do things together as a family-holidays, birthdays, dinners, vacations. We are in the beginning stages of divorce and so won’t tell kids for a while since we are still living together.

Gently, OP- I have a good coparenting relationship with my ex and we don't do any of these things (aside from outside-the-home birthday like at a venue and with other people attending). We are much happier apart. Our kids get to have these events without any fighting or tension. I'm happy for my dc when they have a good vacation or holiday with their dad. OP if your dc is bringing up divorce, they are seeing/feeling the tension.

[Anonymous]

Will you be ok if he brings a new girlfriend or wife to these family events?

Wake up. You are getting divorced.

[Anonymous]

I’m not in love with my spouse but do like them as a friend. I wish them happiness and great if they find someone. I am more feeling sadness and grief about not having a unified family. I am good about being civil but yes would probably feel a little bit of sadness that a new person gets to spend so much time with my kids and my spouse is much richer so can spend $. At the same time I just hope my kids would get treated well. Looking for different family models. The in between period is a lot of unknowns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I stay in my meh marriage so that we can do those things together - holidays, vacations, birthdays.

Are these pleasant experiences? Or are they fraught with tension and fighting.

[Anonymous]

I mean this kindly, but you no longer have an anniversary.