Weekend Vacation While Divorcing?

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I are about to start the divorce process. Our anniversary is coming up and it is up and down. Sometimes fine and sometimes a lot of yelling, insults, or passive aggressive. I had planned a short trip with young kids. Should I have my spouse stay behind (I told my spouse to come if they want to come) or have us all go?

[Anonymous]

Are you living together now? Sharing a bed? Or separated?

[Anonymous]

Huh? Why would you guys go on your anniversary trip?

[Anonymous]

...you don't have an anniversary anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP We are still living together but not sharing a bed. We aren’t divorced yet but are about to start the process. It’s more do we do any kid of trip with the kids.

[Anonymous]

How young are the kids? It might provide good memories for them. If you can make it fun, go. If you want, you can just go with the kids and get a feel for the future. It's really up to you- there's no right way or wrong way.

P.S. I know plenty of divorced families that continue to vacation together for the kids. They still have fun as they prioritize their kids. But this early in the divorce proceedings might be really hard so don't feel bad if you don't think you can make it work.

[Anonymous]

We still do kid trips divorced. Yes, did while separated: when we divorced, we had not been physically together in 7 years. It is a kid trip: it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Thanks! I have this vision of family vacations in the future. The past few days have been especially tough as divorce process is getting real and some of the behaviors of yelling and insults have been present. But our kids are early elementary and this trip would be more centered on them. I want them to have good memories and hope we can be civil. Honestly less stressful on my own emotionally but don’t want my spouse to feel left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks! I have this vision of family vacations in the future. The past few days have been especially tough as divorce process is getting real and some of the behaviors of yelling and insults have been present. But our kids are early elementary and this trip would be more centered on them. I want them to have good memories and hope we can be civil. Honestly less stressful on my own emotionally but don’t want my spouse to feel left out.

I you are having visions of family vacations in the future, I suggest you stay married. That thinking is delusional. You will see the rare post from people who say they vacation with their ex and kids but the vast majority of divorced people do not.

Even if you start out doing this, this will fall apart once one of you gets in a relationship with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks! I have this vision of family vacations in the future. The past few days have been especially tough as divorce process is getting real and some of the behaviors of yelling and insults have been present. But our kids are early elementary and this trip would be more centered on them. I want them to have good memories and hope we can be civil. Honestly less stressful on my own emotionally but don’t want my spouse to feel left out.

If you think it’s going to result in tension in front of the kids, shorten the together time — your spouse can come for the first day and then leave to “work” or whatever if it gets conflictual. I would discuss ahead of time and have a plan so no hard feelings. You need to give each other space.

[Anonymous]

You already told the spouse that they can come if they want to so what are you asking?

[Anonymous]

Meh I tried this this week. Had a wonderful time with the kids and then their dad came and it was just ugh for me. It’s hard when emotions are raw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks! I have this vision of family vacations in the future. The past few days have been especially tough as divorce process is getting real and some of the behaviors of yelling and insults have been present. But our kids are early elementary and this trip would be more centered on them. I want them to have good memories and hope we can be civil. Honestly less stressful on my own emotionally but don’t want my spouse to feel left out.

I you are having visions of family vacations in the future, I suggest you stay married. That thinking is delusional. You will see the rare post from people who say they vacation with their ex and kids but the vast majority of divorced people do not.

Even if you start out doing this, this will fall apart once one of you gets in a relationship with someone else.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks! I have this vision of family vacations in the future. The past few days have been especially tough as divorce process is getting real and some of the behaviors of yelling and insults have been present. But our kids are early elementary and this trip would be more centered on them. I want them to have good memories and hope we can be civil. Honestly less stressful on my own emotionally but don’t want my spouse to feel left out.

Grow up, OP. You are getting divorced. Stop living in a fantasy world.