How much to push high schooler to keep activity just for college?

[Anonymous]

Just another anecdote. When I was young, my mother made me take piano lessons. I played starting when I was 7 and I was above average. I competed in the competitions and had some success at the local level, but never at the national level. When I was turned 17 in the middle of my junior year, my mother said I could discontinue if I wanted. I did immediately and it was nearly 20 years before I played again because I really disliked it.

But when I was in my 30's, I picked it up again and found that the piano lessons had had some good effects. While I was no longer at a competitive or even performance level of playing, I found that I had a lot of musical skills. I could still sight-read music, and I had a good ear and a good voice. I returned to the theater (I had performed in middle school through early college) and I started performing in local community theater. I was pretty good and thanks to my musical skills, I got good roles. While I wasn't really good enough on piano to play for performances, I was good enough to be an occasional rehearsal and audition pianist. I met my now-wife through the theater and was even able to help her practice and audition for shows with my musical skills.

I don't perform and i don't play competitively, but my mother forcing me to learn those many years ago, has gifted me with this lifelong love and skill at music that has been a true gift.

I think you've done your job. Your son has learned the basics to music and will carry the skills at music forever. He doesn't enjoy it now, but later, if he chooses to pursue some aspect of music, you have given him the foundation that he needs. I know many people who have tried to learn later in life and it is much harder to learn basic music skills later in life. Not impossible, but much harder. Let me him stop lessons now. If it is right, he has the basic skills to pursue it again at any time in his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rising 9th grader has played an instrument since they were very young. Weekly private lessons but no involvement in an orchestra or larger group. Decent player but nothing remarkable. They wanted to play at first, but now dislike it and have lost interest. In general we support them following their passions, but we have pushed them to keep up the instrument through high school in part because it may look good for college. I’m embarrassed even writing this because it sounds silly and isn’t how we’ve parented otherwise but somehow it’s hard to let them drop it. Is pressing to keep on going ridiculous, or a good idea?

Let them drop it. Just doing private lessons with a group or orchestra is pretty meaningless except for fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My rising 9th grader has played an instrument since they were very young. Weekly private lessons but no involvement in an orchestra or larger group. Decent player but nothing remarkable. They wanted to play at first, but now dislike it and have lost interest. In general we support them following their passions, but we have pushed them to keep up the instrument through high school in part because it may look good for college. I’m embarrassed even writing this because it sounds silly and isn’t how we’ve parented otherwise but somehow it’s hard to let them drop it. Is pressing to keep on going ridiculous, or a good idea?

"playing an instrument" doesn't mean ANYTHING for college applications. Playing in an orchestra or band would mean about the same as being on a team, but not a recruited athlete. In the alternative, being an award winning musician could help a little, like any other achievement a high schooler may earn.

Depends on the kid and the schools he's applying to. No, just "playing an instrument" is not going to get you into HYPS or impress the AOs at some other T50 school. If the kid has a lot of other stellar accomplishments, leave it off. But not every kid is one of these superstars that somehow repeatedly come up on DCUM. If it's an average kid with not much else on their application resume, and he's applying to not very selective in-state schools, it's better than nothing.

[Anonymous]

My ds is taking guitar lessons and is putting that on his application as an EC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ds is taking guitar lessons and is putting that on his application as an EC.

But presumably he's interested. That's its own reward.

OP, unless your kid wants to give band/orchestra a try, start a garage band, compose their own music, or it's something unique like a harp, having x years of piano lessons on an application is only going to be looked at as "better than nothing", which won't matter at all if your kid has 2 or 3 other activities. Let them quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They wanted to play at first, but now dislike it and have lost interest.

^^ There's your answer. Drop it.

PLEASE. Save the heartache. Let them find what DOES light their fire.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. My kid quit his longtime sport when he entered HS as a freshman. He'd started another sport spring of 8th grade, which we were skeptical of, but insisted it's what he wanted to do. I know he won't be recruited for college, but it's far and away the activity he's enjoyed doing the most. Ever. I love seeing him happy and motivated.

Also quit his instrument this year. Did orchestra in 9th, though he was on the fence about it, but decided to get the fine arts requirement done. Enjoyed the first 6 months, was chosen first chair for every performance, but by end of freshman year he hated it. Made me sad but it's his life.

At this age, they really know what they value and and how they want to spend their time. Let the kid decide.

[Anonymous]

OP let them take a break. My DD played cello age 8-13 and then suddenly hated it, took a year off, realized she missed it and got a new teacher. She now plays so much better and is dedicated to practice in a way she wasn't previously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drop it. Unless they're playing at a regional or state-wide level, it's not going to move the needle for colleges. Let them use the time to do something they actually enjoy.

This. My oldest was able to continue piano in HS only because there was a class/program to support it where he used his class time to practice. This was his art requirement. My younger one, however, attended a different school that doesn't have that program and she just wouldn't have the time to keep it up with all her sports activities. So I agree with the others that he should drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s silly.

If he was rising senior, I would say keep it up till college applications are in.

But rising ninth? No. He’s had some music education. That’s great. If he doesn’t want to continue, then let him stop.

Agree. If he were rising senior or all state, I would say push him to stay. I do get pushing him to do something, but, as others have said, this does not give any more bump than any other activity. Perhaps there is something he could really invest in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rising 9th grader has played an instrument since they were very young. Weekly private lessons but no involvement in an orchestra or larger group. Decent player but nothing remarkable. They wanted to play at first, but now dislike it and have lost interest. In general we support them following their passions, but we have pushed them to keep up the instrument through high school in part because it may look good for college. I’m embarrassed even writing this because it sounds silly and isn’t how we’ve parented otherwise but somehow it’s hard to let them drop it. Is pressing to keep on going ridiculous, or a good idea?

What do you value more? Specific colleges or your relationship with your child during their last 4 years at home? Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. They may come back to it later, but forcing an instrument for four more years when their heart isn’t in it isn’t worthwhile (and won’t have that much impact on college anyway). Let them try other things this year and see where it leads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is easy. Tell him he can and should drop it but he needs to do something else. Full stop.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drop it. Unless they're playing at a regional or state-wide level, it's not going to move the needle for colleges. Let them use the time to do something they actually enjoy.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

OP back. Thank you so much everyone for these helpful replies (and DCUM consensus!). We are going to let him stop lessons. We’ll encourage him to consider group playing opportunities at school but not force it. He does have other interests, most of them recent, that he really cares about so that’s good. The instrument is the violin for those wondering.