Dad believes that education is a luxury and a waste of money.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your ex is has an untreated mental illness. I would think about getting your custody arrangement altered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your ex is has an untreated mental illness. I would think about getting your custody arrangement altered.

His father was abusive from birth. His first memories are of dad yelling at him. Parents divorced at 12, dad got custody and upped the abuse, complete with an evil stepmother.

[Anonymous]

I share custody, but the lousy $400 a months pay, hasn't been paid last 8 years. I'd rather him not tell me what to do.
Agree to invest the money in 529, VOO, CD's or whatever. Do you really need it in everyday life so he can continue to comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I share custody, but the lousy $400 a months pay, hasn't been paid last 8 years. I'd rather him not tell me what to do.
Agree to invest the money in 529, VOO, CD's or whatever. Do you really need it in everyday life so he can continue to comment.

Yes, I understand you. And then there are the men who would become dangerous and violent if forced to pay child support. So the risk to child would be greater than benefit. This is with my friend. Children go without rather than risk the wrath.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should ask your lawyer whether you must do what the dad wants you to do with the child support? It doesn’t make sense if the dad tells you to only spend the money on horses for example. What if the dad’s crazy?

You are not ignoring his wishes—you considered it and as primary guardian with the child’s best interest in mind, you are not following it.

About the wasted camp money—have you looked into their refund/deferral policy? You might want to contact them—sometimes they will give you credit or partial refund.

[Anonymous]

Troll. Public schools don't "fall short.".

[Anonymous]

Tell him that public schools brainwash with the woke mind virus, and you need her in a good Christian school before it's too late.

[Anonymous]

There is no reason he should know every detail of what you spend the money on. If I were you I wouldn't talk to him at all other than drop off and pick up info. If you do talk to him tell him his money goes toward the rent and food.

Do not say anything disparaging or negative about him to your daughter. Nothing good will be gained by doing that.

[Anonymous]

Coincidentally, all his “craziness” is aimed a tlowering his child support regardless of what it does to your daughter. He may be mentally ill, but he knows what he’s doing with the education talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell him to have his lawyer contact your lawyer if he wants to modify support

NP. This, above, really is the way, OP.

Also, it sounds as if you might benefit from more limited contact with your ex. Do you and he share only one child, your DD? What is the custody situation? For instance, is it 50/50 or do you have more custody than that, etc.? I would honestly want to do all pickup/dropoff and kid logistics through emails or an app (there are apps designed just for this, so parents don't have to have any face to face or phone contact at all--some courts/mediators have parents use these apps or sites, I think). If he can only really communicate with you via some app in short posts to arrange pickups etc, he's got less time, and no face time with you, to complain to you.

One thought though-- if he has even partial custody, he may be saying who knows what to her about school, trying to poison her against liking or valuing school. If he has some custody, does he refuse to take her to her activities and tutoring on "his time"? I'd watch out for that kind of nonsense, if he has any custody time where he's supposed to be doing things like taking her to tutoring or to school events etc. Some parents try to pull the "Not on MY time!" crap and he sounds primed to do that, especially as she gets older and maybe does more activities or shows academic ability. Just be aware that he may be messing with her head about school and tutoring and activities, if he has much custody.

College is frankly essential these days unless you want to go into a trade school (which is fantastic, but I suspect this dad would carp about that too.) I'd be salting away a lot of money now, and asking the grandparents for donations to her 529 college fund in these coming years rather than big birthday or holiday presents. Because dad's going to be a jerk about college tuition, I'm sure.

Thank you for this. Yes, no extra classes on his time. We wasted about $600 on camp and lessons he refused to drive her to, so now only on my time.

I kid you not, this man calls to explain to me the history of English common law and indentured servitude, and that judges have pension bonuses from child support rulings so this is all highly unconstitutional. When daugher was 6 months old, and I wasn't working, he quit his job because ebola epidemic in Africa and he wouldn't risk contracting it from the international businessmen who visit his office on K Street.

Thanks folks. I think you're right. Talking to or through his lawyer may be the only way. I was infatuated with him, got pregnant unintentionally but age 26 and kept the baby. Now must learn to live with this character.

The valuable takeaway from this.

[Anonymous]

This is the literal case of FAFO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you help me reason with a person who js being selfish and short sighted?

My daughter is nine, separated from her dad when she was 3.5. For five years, no child support. I paid all expenses. Basics covered - preschool, enough clothes, safe housing, healthy food. No frills.

Finally went to court, got child support. She's struggling in school so I use dad's money, signed her up with a tutor. Signed her up for a sport. She loves art and craft, so camp 4 hrs a day because public school doesn't teach this. Most child support spent on education, with most of what's left locked in long-term savings.

Her father regularly calls me that this is all a waste. It's all luxuries. She doesn't need college, they'll just brainwash her. She doesn't need savings, she needs a father who has money to spend on his own needs. He will surely die an early death and it'll be my fault that she lost him and he will be sure she knows this.

Is there a way to reason with such a person? He is like a caricature. I don't know how to explain to him that education opens doors. That public Schools fall short and parents must pay for what their children need. We have shared custody. I'm not supposed to take his money and ignore his wishes. I asked him twice when he wants to come over regularly to study so we can drop the tutor. He ignores this. Only wants every penny for himself, that's the concern.

Advice please? Thank you.

Either stop taking the calls or if it's easier to humor him and just listen, then do so and at the end just say, "Thanks for your opinion." and then do as you like.

I would absolutely not be antagonistic and goad him into a child support fight. He doesn't need to agree with you. He just needs to pay his child support. Ignore him.

[Anonymous]

You can’t argue with stupid. You are doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

This guy is so hugely ridiculous that I wouldn't waste any more time talking with him. I'd make my lawyer work with his lawyer.

[Anonymous]

You have a lot of strong emotions going on here. How behind is she? Is the school pricing remedial services? Does she qualify for a 504 plan or special Ed services? I only ask because this area is so intense, it’s easy to get caught up with the crazy that every 9 yo needs a tutor. There are a lot of free services offered by schools.

Do not listen to the posters telling you that your kid needs all As and colleges will cost 80k. This type of pressure is not necessary. I have two teens and you don’t know what life is going to bring. One of my kids has below a 3.0 at the moment. He has plenty of college options and he’s doing the very best he can do. There are hundreds of colleges and community colleges out there and several are the perfect fit for every kid with academics and budget. Please don’t worry about college in elementary school.

And if he’s withholding support or not bringing her to needed appointments, don’t engage. Speak to your lawyer.