St. Ann’s (NYC) - Private School Horror Show

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a terrible tragedy and I feel for the parents but don’t understand why they insisted on keeping him at the school after the school told them years earlier that it couldn’t accommodate him. It seems like in their grief they are looking for someone to blame.

They also kept their older son at the school even after the tragedy happened. No way in the world would I not be pulling my kid immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a terrible tragedy and I feel for the parents but don’t understand why they insisted on keeping him at the school after the school told them years earlier that it couldn’t accommodate him. It seems like in their grief they are looking for someone to blame.

They also kept their older son at the school even after the tragedy happened. No way in the world would I not be pulling my kid immediately.

Their child had serious mental health issues and they needed someone to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a tragic case of misplaced grief. The school is damned if they do/don’t. If they kept him on and he starts failing all classes he’s obviously going to struggle mentally as well. I think the parents feel massive guilt and need to find someone to blame. It’s a tragic situation but I dont think a school can be expected to convert itself to one that caters to special needs because of a single student. There are multiple privates that support kids with learning disabilities that he could have thrived at.

I thought this school doesn’t have grades. How can kids fail?

[Anonymous]

Incredibly sad story. Despite it being the Great Read I felt like there was a lot left out. It seems like the school had been trying to counsel the student out for awhile. It is sad that the parents and school couldn’t work together to identify a more appropriate option and encourage the boy that he could have a good experience there. Suicide is impulsive though so it is very hard to draw a straight line between his dismissal and death, especially when other things like COVID were going on. Mainly it is just tremendously sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a terrible tragedy and I feel for the parents but don’t understand why they insisted on keeping him at the school after the school told them years earlier that it couldn’t accommodate him. It seems like in their grief they are looking for someone to blame.

They also kept their older son at the school even after the tragedy happened. No way in the world would I not be pulling my kid immediately.

If you’re clueless and think it’s the schools fault then yes, pull them. That also requires quite a bit of denial of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a tragic case of misplaced grief. The school is damned if they do/don’t. If they kept him on and he starts failing all classes he’s obviously going to struggle mentally as well. I think the parents feel massive guilt and need to find someone to blame. It’s a tragic situation but I dont think a school can be expected to convert itself to one that caters to special needs because of a single student. There are multiple privates that support kids with learning disabilities that he could have thrived at.

Yup. The parents just want to point fingers. Kid did not belong in that school to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Incredibly sad story. Despite it being the Great Read I felt like there was a lot left out. It seems like the school had been trying to counsel the student out for awhile. It is sad that the parents and school couldn’t work together to identify a more appropriate option and encourage the boy that he could have a good experience there. Suicide is impulsive though so it is very hard to draw a straight line between his dismissal and death, especially when other things like COVID were going on. Mainly it is just tremendously sad.

My heart broke for the family. And it does look like the school made it clear that it wasn’t the place where he would thrive. But it’s easy to see how, as a parent, you would focus on the positives and the progress that’s being reported, especially without grades to help paint the picture. I wonder what happened in the years after they were permitted to stay; was there an implicit understanding that the child would leave after 8th? Regardless…heartbreaking and eye opening. Hugging my DC a little tighter this morning. There but for the grace of God go any of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of interesting questions about what private schools owe their students? ethically, and the ways in which their rhetoric and reality are not aligned.

That said I thought the article was pretty irresponsible. It was heartbreaking and I get why they ran it, but I don’t think it was the right call.

The school blew it on the article. Just blew it so badly that I can’t even believe it. How could a school so rich be so bad at PR? It’s shocking.

What are you talking about ?

The article is not a school public relations (PR) piece.

Elite schools are not a substitute for professional counseling by a certified, licensed therapist.

My impression is that the parents were in denial and failed to get the proper, needed counseling for their son and now want to blame the son's suicide on a school that he left 3 months before. The parent's probably thought that the prestigious school would settle rather than endure bad publicity. It looks like the parents are at fault, not the school.

The school had a chance to comment. They had a chance to express a sense of responsibility without culpability. A kid who was in their care is dead. They come across as cold and unfeeling. They blew it, from a communications perspective.

[Anonymous]

I truly do feel bad for the family and boy. I don't understand why they kept him at the school for so many years when the school was telling them they were not able to or did not want to accommodate him. As the parent of a child with a disability, the reality is that private schools are not obligated to offer the accommodations and services that publics are. It stinks, but I have come to realize that if a school does not want your child, it is better for the child, and not just the school, for him or her not to be there. It's insanity to spend $50K a year on a place that does not want your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of interesting questions about what private schools owe their students? ethically, and the ways in which their rhetoric and reality are not aligned.

That said I thought the article was pretty irresponsible. It was heartbreaking and I get why they ran it, but I don’t think it was the right call.

The school blew it on the article. Just blew it so badly that I can’t even believe it. How could a school so rich be so bad at PR? It’s shocking.

What are you talking about ?

The article is not a school public relations (PR) piece.

Elite schools are not a substitute for professional counseling by a certified, licensed therapist.

My impression is that the parents were in denial and failed to get the proper, needed counseling for their son and now want to blame the son's suicide on a school that he left 3 months before. The parent's probably thought that the prestigious school would settle rather than endure bad publicity. It looks like the parents are at fault, not the school.

The school had a chance to comment. They had a chance to express a sense of responsibility without culpability. A kid who was in their care is dead. They come across as cold and unfeeling. They blew it, from a communications perspective.

Why would the school comment on pending litigation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of interesting questions about what private schools owe their students? ethically, and the ways in which their rhetoric and reality are not aligned.

That said I thought the article was pretty irresponsible. It was heartbreaking and I get why they ran it, but I don’t think it was the right call.

The school blew it on the article. Just blew it so badly that I can’t even believe it. How could a school so rich be so bad at PR? It’s shocking.

What are you talking about ?

The article is not a school public relations (PR) piece.

Elite schools are not a substitute for professional counseling by a certified, licensed therapist.

My impression is that the parents were in denial and failed to get the proper, needed counseling for their son and now want to blame the son's suicide on a school that he left 3 months before. The parent's probably thought that the prestigious school would settle rather than endure bad publicity. It looks like the parents are at fault, not the school.

The school had a chance to comment. They had a chance to express a sense of responsibility without culpability. A kid who was in their care is dead. They come across as cold and unfeeling. They blew it, from a communications perspective.

The school did the right thing by not commenting on an issue that is in litigation.

[Anonymous]

When a school tells you your kid is not a fit, you should leave. Full stop. Even if you disagree with their assessment. Put your kid somewhere where they are wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of interesting questions about what private schools owe their students? ethically, and the ways in which their rhetoric and reality are not aligned.

That said I thought the article was pretty irresponsible. It was heartbreaking and I get why they ran it, but I don’t think it was the right call.

The school blew it on the article. Just blew it so badly that I can’t even believe it. How could a school so rich be so bad at PR? It’s shocking.

What are you talking about ?

The article is not a school public relations (PR) piece.

Elite schools are not a substitute for professional counseling by a certified, licensed therapist.

My impression is that the parents were in denial and failed to get the proper, needed counseling for their son and now want to blame the son's suicide on a school that he left 3 months before. The parent's probably thought that the prestigious school would settle rather than endure bad publicity. It looks like the parents are at fault, not the school.

The school had a chance to comment. They had a chance to express a sense of responsibility without culpability. A kid who was in their care is dead. They come across as cold and unfeeling. They blew it, from a communications perspective.

The school did the right thing by not commenting on an issue that is in litigation.

Maybe with regard to the litigation but the NYTimes is arguably more consequential.

[Anonymous]

Did anybody catch the fact the article was written by a former parent of a St Ann’s student? I found that weird, considering the article casts the school in a negative light.

[Anonymous]

Not sure where you get the "talented" part OP. Maybe he was, maybe not, but that family had over 5 years of encouragement to move him to a school that was a better fit. I feel horribly for them, as a parent of a son who struggled all through high school because of LDs and, in fact, my DH insisted he stay at a school that was very difficult and he always felt inferior. But nonetheless, that school is not responsible in this case.