How many outings is enough? So much anxiety

[Anonymous]

I used to go out every morning with my kids but then let them chill for a couple of hours in the afternoon with the TV. I would use the first half of that time to do house stuff or family stuff, and the other half to chill as well. Then we would do something together again after.
I work FT but do 12s like I assume you do so work every other weekend.
Sounds like you need to get DH to step up though which he’s not gonna do if you’re at home. Can you make a point to go out twice a week and leave him with them? After his work hours. Even if you just go to the grocery store or Target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to go out every morning with my kids but then let them chill for a couple of hours in the afternoon with the TV. I would use the first half of that time to do house stuff or family stuff, and the other half to chill as well. Then we would do something together again after.
I work FT but do 12s like I assume you do so work every other weekend.
Sounds like you need to get DH to step up though which he’s not gonna do if you’re at home. Can you make a point to go out twice a week and leave him with them? After his work hours. Even if you just go to the grocery store or Target.

I found a child's art class at a mall. It will be a good way to get out once a week and I can walk around, eat at food court or whatever. The class is 1.5 hours.

[Anonymous]

The DH working from home is the problem! OP, I get it. You probably can’t relax at home because your DH is there, messing up the kitchen and doing things on his schedule. So he’s there, interfering with your autonomy at home, but also contributing to your juggle. My guess is that you feel like you have to have the house tidy and decent for him most of the time so that when he comes out of his office, it doesn’t look like kids have been there for 3 hours. That is a huge burden! You literally never get to be off-duty or have any privacy. he needs to regularly leave the house with your kids in the evening or something.

I wish your DH could go to the office a few days a week. You definitely should keep enjoying the Y childcare and also try to carve out a space in your house for YOU. Your DH needs to be doing more stuff at home too. If he isn’t taking advantage of the flexibility of WFH and no commute to do more at home, he’s selfish and lazy.

[Anonymous]

1) big cookie sheet
2) lined with foil
3) sprayed with cooking spray
4) filled with random frozen Trader Joe’s food
5) baked at 375 for 20 minutes

This is the hack to cooking burnout. Apply 3x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a part-time stay at home mom, I guess you could say. I work two days a week but only weekends as a nurse. Let's say dh doesn't do sh** except bring home money. He's not the one driving them to swim lessons, cleaning bathrooms or doing any cooking. Today I have been super stressed because I wanted to take them to the y but I also knew I needed to order groceries and cook something. I can't keep up with the house stuff and caring for the 3 and 7-year-old. We don't have money or another car to do summer camps. I create my own loose camp by taking them to the y childcare and then going swimming after. They love the y childcare. Is it normal to feel that I must take them out every day? I wish I could chill the f out and read a book while they watch tv, but I use the tv time for cleaning or all the other crap that comes up during the day. The 3 year old makes a lot of messes. He's going to morning preschool 3 days a week in September. I can't let them roam around the neighborhood as we live in a townhouse community close to a busy road. We also had a drug dealer incident in our neighborhood recently so supervisor is needed even for 7-year-old. Our neighborhood is otherwise supposed to be safe. How do you let go of the feeling you aren't doing enough?

So, most people with children don't get time during the day to "chill the f out." Either they are working at their job or working in support of their family at home. I would love to chill in the afternoons with a book but guess what, I am working.

Most of this just sound like poor planning and poor time management to be honest with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a part-time stay at home mom, I guess you could say. I work two days a week but only weekends as a nurse. Let's say dh doesn't do sh** except bring home money. He's not the one driving them to swim lessons, cleaning bathrooms or doing any cooking. Today I have been super stressed because I wanted to take them to the y but I also knew I needed to order groceries and cook something. I can't keep up with the house stuff and caring for the 3 and 7-year-old. We don't have money or another car to do summer camps. I create my own loose camp by taking them to the y childcare and then going swimming after. They love the y childcare. Is it normal to feel that I must take them out every day? I wish I could chill the f out and read a book while they watch tv, but I use the tv time for cleaning or all the other crap that comes up during the day. The 3 year old makes a lot of messes. He's going to morning preschool 3 days a week in September. I can't let them roam around the neighborhood as we live in a townhouse community close to a busy road. We also had a drug dealer incident in our neighborhood recently so supervisor is needed even for 7-year-old. Our neighborhood is otherwise supposed to be safe. How do you let go of the feeling you aren't doing enough?

So, most people with children don't get time during the day to "chill the f out." Either they are working at their job or working in support of their family at home. I would love to chill in the afternoons with a book but guess what, I am working.

Most of this just sound like poor planning and poor time management to be honest with you.

You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a part-time stay at home mom, I guess you could say. I work two days a week but only weekends as a nurse. Let's say dh doesn't do sh** except bring home money. He's not the one driving them to swim lessons, cleaning bathrooms or doing any cooking. Today I have been super stressed because I wanted to take them to the y but I also knew I needed to order groceries and cook something. I can't keep up with the house stuff and caring for the 3 and 7-year-old. We don't have money or another car to do summer camps. I create my own loose camp by taking them to the y childcare and then going swimming after. They love the y childcare. Is it normal to feel that I must take them out every day? I wish I could chill the f out and read a book while they watch tv, but I use the tv time for cleaning or all the other crap that comes up during the day. The 3 year old makes a lot of messes. He's going to morning preschool 3 days a week in September. I can't let them roam around the neighborhood as we live in a townhouse community close to a busy road. We also had a drug dealer incident in our neighborhood recently so supervisor is needed even for 7-year-old. Our neighborhood is otherwise supposed to be safe. How do you let go of the feeling you aren't doing enough?

So, most people with children don't get time during the day to "chill the f out." Either they are working at their job or working in support of their family at home. I would love to chill in the afternoons with a book but guess what, I am working.

Most of this just sound like poor planning and poor time management to be honest with you.

This isn't true. She works too so her weekdays are like her weekends. No reason why she shouldn't be able to do that. Since she's doing 100 percent of the cooking and cleaning, she has a lot on her plate. Saying things like this isn't helpful to the op. She's doing well, and I think she's doing too much.

[Anonymous]

As a SAHM I find going out in the morning is essential to everyone’s well being.

But just chilling in the afternoon is fine. I’d aim for 3-5 afternoon outings a week.

The main thing I think you need to do is engage the kids in the cooking and cleaning. It IS an activity, and fine for the afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is telling you you aren’t doing enough?

If it’s your own inner voice, you have to practice positive self talk. Tell yourself you are doing enough.

Just spending time with them, keeping them alive, talking to them, and playing with them at home is enough.

Mostly it's me but dh, too, as he works from home.

What a total nightmare. This was only acceptable during covid. A spouse working from home while the other cares for young kids at home? Hell no. He needs an office. Now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is telling you you aren’t doing enough?

If it’s your own inner voice, you have to practice positive self talk. Tell yourself you are doing enough.

Just spending time with them, keeping them alive, talking to them, and playing with them at home is enough.

Mostly it's me but dh, too, as he works from home.

What a total nightmare. This was only acceptable during covid. A spouse working from home while the other cares for young kids at home? Hell no. He needs an office. Now.

Op here. Lol. He goes to the office twice a week and we only have 1 car. Those two days are rough. As soon as he's back I take our 7 year old to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely cannot handle staying home all day with my children more than one day at a time (I have a 3yo and 1yo). It’s insane the amount of chaos they can generate especially when they don’t have any time to really run around. We go out every day, often twice a day, sometimes three times. Usually it’s just to the playground across the street or to the park with bubbles — something really low stress for me — but it’s absolutely necessary for my sanity.

That being said, I think feeling like you can’t keep up and your plate is just a bit overfull is just like with little kids? At least I absolutely feel that’s way too. But my kids are wonderful and healthy and thriving even if my housekeeping is a little slapdash sometimes so I choose to believe it’ll be okay. I also want to acknowledge that’s it’s REALLY rough to not have a break (I’m the opposite schedule as you — work 5 days a week, full time solo parent on the weekend) and that doesn’t help with feeling like you have things under control. You sound like you’re doing great, OP!

Op here. Thanks. I think the hardest is not having breaks from cooking.

What are you cooking? Can you do batch cooking? Like 2 dinners that you can eat most of the week, make pancakes ahead of time and refrigerate or freeze, have a few frozen convenience foods, have a standing pizza night, etc? I could never cook every day like my mom did. At least not with toddlers. I like to have 1-2 days a week for meal prep and then forget about it!

[Anonymous]

You have a husband problem not a time problem.

Couple of suggestions:

1. If DH is mostly working from home he can use his lunch or work breaks to help clean up the house. Also, he doesn’t need to be working from home to make the grocery orders, it’s literally something he can do from anywhere.

2. You sound like a married single mom and are literally getting no substantial kid free time except when you’re at work. Pick two nights a week and go out. There is plenty of free stuff to do, hell you can go sit inside a mall and scroll on your phone, it doesn’t have to be fancy.

3. Even if working full time would basically make your salary a wash right now because of childcare costs, weigh the benefits for your mental health and how it would force DH into better balance as a partner. Don’t discount the time paying into retirement either. Even if you bring home another $200 after childcare and retirement contributions, there are a lot of reasons why that’s a benefit. Especially if you end up divorced.

4. Marinated chicken thighs can be cooked a thousand ways as part of a one pot, one sheet meal. Taco Tuesday. Wing Wednesday. Spaghetti Thursday. Pita bread pizza Friday. Soup Saturday. All things kids will eat, cheap, and easy to make and clean. This will also simplify grocery orders. If DH wants something fancy, he can cook, clean, and shop to make it happen.


Is there a dollar store near you? Great for cheap easy craft projects for kids.

I second parking kids in front of educational TV and taking a break for yourself. At that age, the house is going to be a mess sometimes.

[Anonymous]

What are you doing while they use the y childcare? Why can’t you work full time? The expectation is that you should be doing most of the child work if you are only working part time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a part-time stay at home mom, I guess you could say. I work two days a week but only weekends as a nurse. Let's say dh doesn't do sh** except bring home money. He's not the one driving them to swim lessons, cleaning bathrooms or doing any cooking. Today I have been super stressed because I wanted to take them to the y but I also knew I needed to order groceries and cook something. I can't keep up with the house stuff and caring for the 3 and 7-year-old. We don't have money or another car to do summer camps. I create my own loose camp by taking them to the y childcare and then going swimming after. They love the y childcare. Is it normal to feel that I must take them out every day? I wish I could chill the f out and read a book while they watch tv, but I use the tv time for cleaning or all the other crap that comes up during the day. The 3 year old makes a lot of messes. He's going to morning preschool 3 days a week in September. I can't let them roam around the neighborhood as we live in a townhouse community close to a busy road. We also had a drug dealer incident in our neighborhood recently so supervisor is needed even for 7-year-old. Our neighborhood is otherwise supposed to be safe. How do you let go of the feeling you aren't doing enough?

So, most people with children don't get time during the day to "chill the f out." Either they are working at their job or working in support of their family at home. I would love to chill in the afternoons with a book but guess what, I am working.

Most of this just sound like poor planning and poor time management to be honest with you.

Agree. Childcare at the y, then swim, then dinner. That’s not a lot of work. You can do a quick sandwich for dinner. OP has some weird expectations and I assume there is a lot of sock puppeting on this thread

[Anonymous]

Mostly it's me but dh, too, as he works from home.
What a total nightmare. This was only acceptable during covid. A spouse working from home while the other cares for young kids at home? Hell no. He needs an office. Now.

Op here. Lol. He goes to the office twice a week and we only have 1 car. Those two days are rough. As soon as he's back I take our 7 year old to therapy.

Ugh no, my husband was here today to meet with some contractors and it messed up my flow. He needs to use public tranpo or figure it out. He needs to not be in your hair.