How many outings is enough? So much anxiety

[Anonymous]

I am a part-time stay at home mom, I guess you could say. I work two days a week but only weekends as a nurse. Let's say dh doesn't do sh** except bring home money. He's not the one driving them to swim lessons, cleaning bathrooms or doing any cooking. Today I have been super stressed because I wanted to take them to the y but I also knew I needed to order groceries and cook something. I can't keep up with the house stuff and caring for the 3 and 7-year-old. We don't have money or another car to do summer camps. I create my own loose camp by taking them to the y childcare and then going swimming after. They love the y childcare. Is it normal to feel that I must take them out every day? I wish I could chill the f out and read a book while they watch tv, but I use the tv time for cleaning or all the other crap that comes up during the day. The 3 year old makes a lot of messes. He's going to morning preschool 3 days a week in September. I can't let them roam around the neighborhood as we live in a townhouse community close to a busy road. We also had a drug dealer incident in our neighborhood recently so supervisor is needed even for 7-year-old. Our neighborhood is otherwise supposed to be safe. How do you let go of the feeling you aren't doing enough?

[Anonymous]

Who is telling you you aren’t doing enough?

If it’s your own inner voice, you have to practice positive self talk. Tell yourself you are doing enough.

Just spending time with them, keeping them alive, talking to them, and playing with them at home is enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is telling you you aren’t doing enough?

If it’s your own inner voice, you have to practice positive self talk. Tell yourself you are doing enough.

Just spending time with them, keeping them alive, talking to them, and playing with them at home is enough.

Mostly it's me but dh, too, as he works from home.

[Anonymous]

Tell DH to step it up. Either take the kids to the activity or do the cooking/cleaning and prep work. With kids those ages it’s all hands on deck.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely cannot handle staying home all day with my children more than one day at a time (I have a 3yo and 1yo). It’s insane the amount of chaos they can generate especially when they don’t have any time to really run around. We go out every day, often twice a day, sometimes three times. Usually it’s just to the playground across the street or to the park with bubbles — something really low stress for me — but it’s absolutely necessary for my sanity.

That being said, I think feeling like you can’t keep up and your plate is just a bit overfull is just like with little kids? At least I absolutely feel that’s way too. But my kids are wonderful and healthy and thriving even if my housekeeping is a little slapdash sometimes so I choose to believe it’ll be okay. I also want to acknowledge that’s it’s REALLY rough to not have a break (I’m the opposite schedule as you — work 5 days a week, full time solo parent on the weekend) and that doesn’t help with feeling like you have things under control. You sound like you’re doing great, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely cannot handle staying home all day with my children more than one day at a time (I have a 3yo and 1yo). It’s insane the amount of chaos they can generate especially when they don’t have any time to really run around. We go out every day, often twice a day, sometimes three times. Usually it’s just to the playground across the street or to the park with bubbles — something really low stress for me — but it’s absolutely necessary for my sanity.

That being said, I think feeling like you can’t keep up and your plate is just a bit overfull is just like with little kids? At least I absolutely feel that’s way too. But my kids are wonderful and healthy and thriving even if my housekeeping is a little slapdash sometimes so I choose to believe it’ll be okay. I also want to acknowledge that’s it’s REALLY rough to not have a break (I’m the opposite schedule as you — work 5 days a week, full time solo parent on the weekend) and that doesn’t help with feeling like you have things under control. You sound like you’re doing great, OP!

Op here. Thanks. I think the hardest is not having breaks from cooking.

[Anonymous]

Kids do not need anything special. Most people do way too much. So, just try to find what works for you without worrying about what you “should” be doing.

[Anonymous]

Who is with the kids when you work?

Kids don't need to be constantly entertained or in activities. Nothing wrong with chilling at home but if your DH works from home, that could be an issue depending on the size of the house etc.

You also don't need to cook big meals. There are lots of ways to get nutritiously without spending a lot of time in the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids do not need anything special. Most people do way too much. So, just try to find what works for you without worrying about what you “should” be doing.

Op here. I think it's tricky when there is no playground or yard for them. I feel bad about keeping them indoors all day.
Going to the YMCA helps them socialize.

[Anonymous]

You can get a plastic easel, set it up in the deck or just the front of the door with paint or crayons and let them paint/ color away in the deck or outdoors.
They can do play doh with all sort of plastic tools.
They can play with water and plastic boats in containers for hours.
Theu can pretent cook.
All at home.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell your DH he needs to step up. Sorry, he has zero excuse for not helping at all.

[Anonymous]

The 7 yo should be helping you throughout the day as far as tidying the house-they can help with basic bathroom cleaning (wiping down, sweeping) and with meal prep (load/unload the dishwasher, set the table, wipe counters).

The 3 yo's ability to mess up stuff should be confined as much as possible. If you and 7 yo are on the first floor, gate 3 yo with you so they can't sneak off to make mess.

Also, simplify summer meals so you don't spend as much time cooking.

I would keep going to the Y since it sounds like all of you enjoy that!

[Anonymous]

You are very smart to be using the y childcare. And preschool will help a bit too. Having everyone home working and playing is definitely going to be stressful for everyone. It sounds like your spouse wants a sahp who handles everything at home for him. I personally wouldn’t do that working weekends is tough. I would take a couple years off completely until kids are in more school and then go back to part time. Your sanity and marriage are more likely to survive.

[Anonymous]

When I was a SAHM I did something out of the house every day to maintain sanity. It was good for me and good for the kid. Good for you using the Y childcare, what an excellent resource.

Honestly, you might think about working full-time. My mom was in the same situation as you (nurse who worked weekends, basically SAHP during the week, deeply resented my dad for not doing more around the house ) and I think she would've been happier working more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a SAHM I did something out of the house every day to maintain sanity. It was good for me and good for the kid. Good for you using the Y childcare, what an excellent resource.

Honestly, you might think about working full-time. My mom was in the same situation as you (nurse who worked weekends, basically SAHP during the week, deeply resented my dad for not doing more around the house ) and I think she would've been happier working more.

Op here. Working full time would overwhelm me more and also add too much for childcare expenses. It would be a wash regarding how much money we could save. Work does help me have a life outside of the house/kids, so I don't want to give that up. Today I went out with the older child and dh stayed at home with the 3 year old. It was relaxing and I caught up with a friend at barnes and noble. I need to have one night / day a week to go out and do whatever I want. I think that is what I miss most. Being out and about gives me time to think and relax. In September, I will have a few mornings alone. It will help 😊