The slow fade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating someone for the last 3-4 months and everything is just…less. Less time, less communication, less passion, less future planning. We had a very fiery start and he did most of the pursuing but I was also very receptive; we seemed to get along really well as friends so it felt like a good early relationship, until he just pulled back. I’ve brought it up once and got reassurance that everything is perfectly fine, so I thought ok, I’ll just ride out this blip. Except now it’s been a month of this and the trend is definitely there. If I put in more effort, it actually gets worse. I do get occasional enthusiasm here and there but it just feels like the opposite of progression or even maintenance of time and energy invested. If we do make plans etc he never flakes out but there is just no initiative. I’m not really interested in having repeated talks or seeking closure because I think he will just say everything is fine, but at what point do I just firmly conclude this isn’t going anywhere? I guess I’m probably there already but haven’t had this slow fade experience before. Anyone have advice?

NP. This has happened to me before. Relationship was red hot for about a month or two, then just as you describe, it tapered down. I responded by doing my own slow fade. The fact is, he never cut it off, I did. I was sick of the once every other day text then wanting to meet up like once every other week. Eff that. I assume he was pursuing someone else but either wanted to keep me around as a backup or didn't have the cahones to break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. Take the hint. Time for you to slow fade right back. You’re too available. Maybe you were chill and go with the flow initially, then you became needy?

The script writes itself:
1. Analyze every detail
2. Feel something is off with him
3. Create narrative
4. Confront
5. Accept excuses
6. Keep hanging on
7. Need to have the big talk
8. More excuses
9. Guy finally has the ballz to random text or request a meet up to “talk” which he’s been dreading

Avoid 1-9 by:
1. Making plans with friends
2. Take a weekend trip
3. Go on a few dates
4. Replacement therapy

I have definitely been busy with friends and life and haven’t sat around, but there is still the slow fade. When I brought it up a month ago, he immediately called, we talked for half an hour, he really seemed like he wanted to reassure me, etc. but my sense is that he’s just not feeling it any more. I’m really bummed because I am very attracted to him and he was also becoming a genuine friend/part of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. Take the hint. Time for you to slow fade right back. You’re too available. Maybe you were chill and go with the flow initially, then you became needy?

The script writes itself:
1. Analyze every detail
2. Feel something is off with him
3. Create narrative
4. Confront
5. Accept excuses
6. Keep hanging on
7. Need to have the big talk
8. More excuses
9. Guy finally has the ballz to random text or request a meet up to “talk” which he’s been dreading

Avoid 1-9 by:
1. Making plans with friends
2. Take a weekend trip
3. Go on a few dates
4. Replacement therapy

I have definitely been busy with friends and life and haven’t sat around, but there is still the slow fade. When I brought it up a month ago, he immediately called, we talked for half an hour, he really seemed like he wanted to reassure me, etc. but my sense is that he’s just not feeling it any more. I’m really bummed because I am very attracted to him and he was also becoming a genuine friend/part of my life.

In lieu of steps 1-9, you move on with your life with 1-4.( these steps so pointed and perfect) Steps 1-4 are not to stop the fade, the bloom is off the rose and 1-4 provide the wherewithal for you to do the necessary deadheading for the well- being of the plant. It’s natural to be sad, but as another poster said: keep your dignity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. Take the hint. Time for you to slow fade right back. You’re too available. Maybe you were chill and go with the flow initially, then you became needy?

The script writes itself:
1. Analyze every detail
2. Feel something is off with him
3. Create narrative
4. Confront
5. Accept excuses
6. Keep hanging on
7. Need to have the big talk
8. More excuses
9. Guy finally has the ballz to random text or request a meet up to “talk” which he’s been dreading

Avoid 1-9 by:
1. Making plans with friends
2. Take a weekend trip
3. Go on a few dates
4. Replacement therapy

I have definitely been busy with friends and life and haven’t sat around, but there is still the slow fade. When I brought it up a month ago, he immediately called, we talked for half an hour, he really seemed like he wanted to reassure me, etc. but my sense is that he’s just not feeling it any more. I’m really bummed because I am very attracted to him and he was also becoming a genuine friend/part of my life.

In lieu of steps 1-9, you move on with your life with 1-4.( these steps so pointed and perfect) Steps 1-4 are not to stop the fade, the bloom is off the rose and 1-4 provide the wherewithal for you to do the necessary deadheading for the well- being of the plant. It’s natural to be sad, but as another poster said: keep your dignity.

Oh definitely, I’m definitely matching his energy, I have no interest in chasing anyone, even someone special. It doesn’t work. Both people have to move things forward.

I guess my question was at what point do I just draw a line and break it off. I don’t want to date others without him knowing about it since we did have the talk to be exclusive. I do wonder if he’s actually seeing others though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. Take the hint. Time for you to slow fade right back. You’re too available. Maybe you were chill and go with the flow initially, then you became needy?

The script writes itself:
1. Analyze every detail
2. Feel something is off with him
3. Create narrative
4. Confront
5. Accept excuses
6. Keep hanging on
7. Need to have the big talk
8. More excuses
9. Guy finally has the ballz to random text or request a meet up to “talk” which he’s been dreading

Avoid 1-9 by:
1. Making plans with friends
2. Take a weekend trip
3. Go on a few dates
4. Replacement therapy

I have definitely been busy with friends and life and haven’t sat around, but there is still the slow fade. When I brought it up a month ago, he immediately called, we talked for half an hour, he really seemed like he wanted to reassure me, etc. but my sense is that he’s just not feeling it any more. I’m really bummed because I am very attracted to him and he was also becoming a genuine friend/part of my life.

In lieu of steps 1-9, you move on with your life with 1-4.( these steps so pointed and perfect) Steps 1-4 are not to stop the fade, the bloom is off the rose and 1-4 provide the wherewithal for you to do the necessary deadheading for the well- being of the plant. It’s natural to be sad, but as another poster said: keep your dignity.

Oh definitely, I’m definitely matching his energy, I have no interest in chasing anyone, even someone special. It doesn’t work. Both people have to move things forward.

I guess my question was at what point do I just draw a line and break it off. I don’t want to date others without him knowing about it since we did have the talk to be exclusive. I do wonder if he’s actually seeing others though.

You don’t have to tell him Jack. He isn’t brave enough or gentleman enough to make a clean break of it, he hopes you’ll get fed up and do the dirty work for him. Don’t contact him and if he finally reaches out, tell him you’re into reciprocal, respectful relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. Take the hint. Time for you to slow fade right back. You’re too available. Maybe you were chill and go with the flow initially, then you became needy?

The script writes itself:
1. Analyze every detail
2. Feel something is off with him
3. Create narrative
4. Confront
5. Accept excuses
6. Keep hanging on
7. Need to have the big talk
8. More excuses
9. Guy finally has the ballz to random text or request a meet up to “talk” which he’s been dreading

Avoid 1-9 by:
1. Making plans with friends
2. Take a weekend trip
3. Go on a few dates
4. Replacement therapy

I have definitely been busy with friends and life and haven’t sat around, but there is still the slow fade. When I brought it up a month ago, he immediately called, we talked for half an hour, he really seemed like he wanted to reassure me, etc. but my sense is that he’s just not feeling it any more. I’m really bummed because I am very attracted to him and he was also becoming a genuine friend/part of my life.

In lieu of steps 1-9, you move on with your life with 1-4.( these steps so pointed and perfect) Steps 1-4 are not to stop the fade, the bloom is off the rose and 1-4 provide the wherewithal for you to do the necessary deadheading for the well- being of the plant. It’s natural to be sad, but as another poster said: keep your dignity.

Oh definitely, I’m definitely matching his energy, I have no interest in chasing anyone, even someone special. It doesn’t work. Both people have to move things forward.

I guess my question was at what point do I just draw a line and break it off. I don’t want to date others without him knowing about it since we did have the talk to be exclusive. I do wonder if he’s actually seeing others though.

You don’t have to tell him Jack. He isn’t brave enough or gentleman enough to make a clean break of it, he hopes you’ll get fed up and do the dirty work for him. Don’t contact him and if he finally reaches out, tell him you’re into reciprocal, respectful relationships.

I guess you are right.

His name is close to Jack btw. 😅

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. Take the hint. Time for you to slow fade right back. You’re too available. Maybe you were chill and go with the flow initially, then you became needy?

The script writes itself:
1. Analyze every detail
2. Feel something is off with him
3. Create narrative
4. Confront
5. Accept excuses
6. Keep hanging on
7. Need to have the big talk
8. More excuses
9. Guy finally has the ballz to random text or request a meet up to “talk” which he’s been dreading

Avoid 1-9 by:
1. Making plans with friends
2. Take a weekend trip
3. Go on a few dates
4. Replacement therapy

I have definitely been busy with friends and life and haven’t sat around, but there is still the slow fade. When I brought it up a month ago, he immediately called, we talked for half an hour, he really seemed like he wanted to reassure me, etc. but my sense is that he’s just not feeling it any more. I’m really bummed because I am very attracted to him and he was also becoming a genuine friend/part of my life.

In lieu of steps 1-9, you move on with your life with 1-4.( these steps so pointed and perfect) Steps 1-4 are not to stop the fade, the bloom is off the rose and 1-4 provide the wherewithal for you to do the necessary deadheading for the well- being of the plant. It’s natural to be sad, but as another poster said: keep your dignity.

Oh definitely, I’m definitely matching his energy, I have no interest in chasing anyone, even someone special. It doesn’t work. Both people have to move things forward.

I guess my question was at what point do I just draw a line and break it off. I don’t want to date others without him knowing about it since we did have the talk to be exclusive. I do wonder if he’s actually seeing others though.

You don’t have to tell him Jack. He isn’t brave enough or gentleman enough to make a clean break of it, he hopes you’ll get fed up and do the dirty work for him. Don’t contact him and if he finally reaches out, tell him you’re into reciprocal, respectful relationships.

I guess you are right.

His name is close to Jack btw. 😅

Hi, is it John? I wonder if I’m the other girl he was seeing as I’m going through something similar over the last 2 months with my BF
These are psychos - they just use women and repeat it over again with a new victim. He’s not truly into anyone. I left my JJ, stoped texting him.

[Anonymous]

This guy is an immature tool. Don't contact him anymore and tell him to f*ck off if he tries to contact you in the future.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation with someone earlier this year, also name close to Jack, ha.

Anyway, your guy - he may be avoidant attachment type.

Still, time for you to be done. Because that is not the type of relationship you want. Sucks. And you do not need to tell him anything.

[Anonymous]

I mean. I’d have another convo. Just say frankly you sense a change and ask if he’s still interested in pursuing it. Explain you’d rather know that do a slow fade because if it’s not going anywhere serious you’d like to be free to see other people.

Doesn’t sound like you should be giving up other options for this guy but since you had the exclusivity convo, I’d bring it up before dating others. You don’t want some guy wasting your time being exclusive just because he wants low effort occasional sex and thus isn’t motivated to break it off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. Take the hint. Time for you to slow fade right back. You’re too available. Maybe you were chill and go with the flow initially, then you became needy?

The script writes itself:
1. Analyze every detail
2. Feel something is off with him
3. Create narrative
4. Confront
5. Accept excuses
6. Keep hanging on
7. Need to have the big talk
8. More excuses
9. Guy finally has the ballz to random text or request a meet up to “talk” which he’s been dreading

Avoid 1-9 by:
1. Making plans with friends
2. Take a weekend trip
3. Go on a few dates
4. Replacement therapy

I have definitely been busy with friends and life and haven’t sat around, but there is still the slow fade. When I brought it up a month ago, he immediately called, we talked for half an hour, he really seemed like he wanted to reassure me, etc. but my sense is that he’s just not feeling it any more. I’m really bummed because I am very attracted to him and he was also becoming a genuine friend/part of my life.

In lieu of steps 1-9, you move on with your life with 1-4.( these steps so pointed and perfect) Steps 1-4 are not to stop the fade, the bloom is off the rose and 1-4 provide the wherewithal for you to do the necessary deadheading for the well- being of the plant. It’s natural to be sad, but as another poster said: keep your dignity.

Oh definitely, I’m definitely matching his energy, I have no interest in chasing anyone, even someone special. It doesn’t work. Both people have to move things forward.

I guess my question was at what point do I just draw a line and break it off. I don’t want to date others without him knowing about it since we did have the talk to be exclusive. I do wonder if he’s actually seeing others though.

You don’t have to tell him Jack. He isn’t brave enough or gentleman enough to make a clean break of it, he hopes you’ll get fed up and do the dirty work for him. Don’t contact him and if he finally reaches out, tell him you’re into reciprocal, respectful relationships.

I guess you are right.

His name is close to Jack btw. 😅

Hi, is it John? I wonder if I’m the other girl he was seeing as I’m going through something similar over the last 2 months with my BF
These are psychos - they just use women and repeat it over again with a new victim. He’s not truly into anyone. I left my JJ, stoped texting him.

Not OP but if his last name starts with an “M” you dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. Take the hint. Time for you to slow fade right back. You’re too available. Maybe you were chill and go with the flow initially, then you became needy?

The script writes itself:
1. Analyze every detail
2. Feel something is off with him
3. Create narrative
4. Confront
5. Accept excuses
6. Keep hanging on
7. Need to have the big talk
8. More excuses
9. Guy finally has the ballz to random text or request a meet up to “talk” which he’s been dreading

Avoid 1-9 by:
1. Making plans with friends
2. Take a weekend trip
3. Go on a few dates
4. Replacement therapy

I have definitely been busy with friends and life and haven’t sat around, but there is still the slow fade. When I brought it up a month ago, he immediately called, we talked for half an hour, he really seemed like he wanted to reassure me, etc. but my sense is that he’s just not feeling it any more. I’m really bummed because I am very attracted to him and he was also becoming a genuine friend/part of my life.

In lieu of steps 1-9, you move on with your life with 1-4.( these steps so pointed and perfect) Steps 1-4 are not to stop the fade, the bloom is off the rose and 1-4 provide the wherewithal for you to do the necessary deadheading for the well- being of the plant. It’s natural to be sad, but as another poster said: keep your dignity.

Oh definitely, I’m definitely matching his energy, I have no interest in chasing anyone, even someone special. It doesn’t work. Both people have to move things forward.

I guess my question was at what point do I just draw a line and break it off. I don’t want to date others without him knowing about it since we did have the talk to be exclusive. I do wonder if he’s actually seeing others though.

You don’t have to tell him Jack. He isn’t brave enough or gentleman enough to make a clean break of it, he hopes you’ll get fed up and do the dirty work for him. Don’t contact him and if he finally reaches out, tell him you’re into reciprocal, respectful relationships.

I guess you are right.

His name is close to Jack btw. 😅

Hi, is it John? I wonder if I’m the other girl he was seeing as I’m going through something similar over the last 2 months with my BF
These are psychos - they just use women and repeat it over again with a new victim. He’s not truly into anyone. I left my JJ, stoped texting him.

Not OP but if his last name starts with an “M” you dodged a bullet.

Hope, last name for "mine" started with L

[Anonymous]

November in

[Anonymous]

Ok this is hilarious. Bringing in the P.

[Anonymous]

OP here, not John and not M-last name but happy to start a support group! 🤣