How to navigate teen cancel culture

[Anonymous]

Stop asking your kid about it or encouraging him to get together with friends. That is making it worse for him.

I would ask the mom I know best.

[Anonymous]

Good job talking to the pediatrician right away. No matter what you find out about the friends, this is a good thing to do.

All the PP's are right about the various possibilities: normal friend switch up happens at this age to a lot of kids, things can go sideways on line very quickly, even if a kid was joking -- it doesn't come across well on line and that's it, etc.

In the latter situation, and we've had it happen in our kids' circles of friends, I personally think it is important for the parents to talk (even if you don't know each other well) and figure out what happened. Kids honestly do not have the best judgment about these situations and it rarely is something bad enough or intentional enough for friends to drive a child to need therapy. Especially in these days of on line communication, post-isolation, etc., they need adult guidance to figure out how to hand difficult matters. It is not an innate ability.

I'm sorry your son is struggling with this, and I hope you can help get him to a better place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
Your child got dropped, not "canceled" since you don't even know why they left him. Try not to use slang you don't understand.

DP. I think it may be appropriate, since it happened to a boy in DS’ class. He wasn’t a friend of DS, but sort of an acquaintance from ES.

Apparently he said something over discord, and his whole friend group just dropped him. DS refuses to tell us what the boy said. But it was enough the group all told DS: oh him? He is dead to us.

Cancel might be exactly what happened.

Teens definitely cancel each other if you say the wrong word.

This is definitely true.

It’s different today. Say the wrong word and you’re done; even get accused of saying something and other teens will completely ostracize a kid.

Social media means the whole school instantly knows about it too.

And this is wrong, so all kids need parental guidance about this.

[Anonymous]

Social media and the left leaning Public school indoctrination will easily cancel white children

[Anonymous]

Can he play a sport? Get him involved in one!
Avoid the other mom.

[Anonymous]

Band or other sports.

Have you talked to your spouse? Has your spouse talked to your son about this?

[Anonymous]

Just a hunch...your son knows a lot more about your marital difficulties than you think he does. I got divorced a long time ago. At the time I demanded that we see a child psychiatrist to figure out how to tell our offspring. Shrink said kids usually know something bad is going on between their parents. He said when parents come in to see about a kid who is acting out, he asks about the state of their marriage and that marital conflict is the number one reason previously well-behaved kids act out. This is particularly common with boys.

So, it MAY be your son is depressed about the conflict at home and that caused him to act out. If he blames you, he MAY have done or said some really ugly things about women. He's not going to share them with you.

He may also--it's rarer--think that if he becomes a problem his parents will try to stay together to solve it.

I don't think you can de-link your impending separation and your kid's issues--at least without further info Whatever you do, don't prolong your separation or telling your son about it. Not knowing is usually more painful and excruciating than knowing. When we asked advice, the psychiatrist said to tell our offspring ASAP and for the other parent to leave ASAP after that. Then the other parent should see our offspring again as soon as possible after that, so kids would know leaving home did not mean abandoning them.

I may be one hundred per cent offbase, but if you're consulting a pediatrican or therapist, tell them about the impending separation.

[Anonymous]

Most posters are skipping over OP saying “the moms tells me he did something heinous but I’m at a loss of what it might be.”

Her son wasn’t just dropped. He’s not focused on the pending divorce.

Now ask yourself, who is told their child did something heinous and didn’t immediately follow up?

[Anonymous]

It's far more common for a group of bad kids to drop a good kid, then a group of good kids to drop a bad kid.
The bad kids feel threatened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most posters are skipping over OP saying “the moms tells me he did something heinous but I’m at a loss of what it might be.”

Her son wasn’t just dropped. He’s not focused on the pending divorce.

Now ask yourself, who is told their child did something heinous and didn’t immediately follow up?

No one actually told her anything. OP says she is guessing based on their “body language”

He might not have done anything at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most posters are skipping over OP saying “the moms tells me he did something heinous but I’m at a loss of what it might be.”

Her son wasn’t just dropped. He’s not focused on the pending divorce.

Now ask yourself, who is told their child did something heinous and didn’t immediately follow up?

You need to follow up with one of the moms you know best OP. If he did something "heinous" it's not like your son is going to tell you what he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most posters are skipping over OP saying “the moms tells me he did something heinous but I’m at a loss of what it might be.”

Her son wasn’t just dropped. He’s not focused on the pending divorce.

Now ask yourself, who is told their child did something heinous and didn’t immediately follow up?

No one actually told her anything. OP says she is guessing based on their “body language”

He might not have done anything at all

Read again:

“Body language from his old friends and the moms tells me he did something heinous but I’m at a loss of what it might be.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most posters are skipping over OP saying “the moms tells me he did something heinous but I’m at a loss of what it might be.”

Her son wasn’t just dropped. He’s not focused on the pending divorce.

Now ask yourself, who is told their child did something heinous and didn’t immediately follow up?

No one actually told her anything. OP says she is guessing based on their “body language”

He might not have done anything at all

Read again:

“Body language from his old friends and the moms tells me he did something heinous but I’m at a loss of what it might be.”

I read it as the body language from the friends AND the moms. Not that the moms actually told her something. Subsequent posts support this; that she doesn’t actually know if he did something

[Anonymous]

The best thing he can do is find activities to get involved in where he’ll meet kids with similar interests.

It’s not uncommon for friend groups to change more than once at this age.

Don’t pressure him on trying to do stuff with the old friend group. And do t try to figure out what happened. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
Your child got dropped, not "canceled" since you don't even know why they left him. Try not to use slang you don't understand.

DP. I think it may be appropriate, since it happened to a boy in DS’ class. He wasn’t a friend of DS, but sort of an acquaintance from ES.

Apparently he said something over discord, and his whole friend group just dropped him. DS refuses to tell us what the boy said. But it was enough the group all told DS: oh him? He is dead to us.

Cancel might be exactly what happened.

OK, but that seems harsh. Definitely an over-correction at the teen age. Maybe YOU need to speak to your kid about second chances, learning from mistakes, etc.