Sad that I have never experienced healthy romantic love

[Anonymous]

Divorce now!!! You are still young and have a great chance at an awesome relationship. Hell I'm 44 and although I do have a 14 year old son just last year found a man that I think is the first healthy, stand up guy who treats me right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not want to complain because I know God has blessed me in many ways and I am extremely fortunate in others. I grew up UC in an incredibly amazing family with doting and supportive parents. I have 4 siblings I’m extremely close to. I’ve had the privilege to live abroad in many countries and have received a great education. I also a job I love and friends I care about.

Healthy lasting romantic love and a family of my own, however seems to elude me. I picked poorly when I met my now husband at 25 years old. I completely overlooked the red flags and 10 years later find myself married to a petulant, narcissistic man-child who doesn’t want to grow up. Our relationship has dissolved over the years into a parent-child one like where I have become increasingly wound anxious as he is a bull in a china shop.

He is unemployed now and isn’t interested in children. I’m devastated as I kept waiting and hoping he’d want what he promised he did before we married. However, lately he has been saying passive aggressive things such as, “ I know I’ll be stuck raising kids because you want them” after I suffered a recent miscarriage.

I dont know what it’s like to have a romantic partner and an equal and to truly be adored by a man other than my father.

It breaks my heart when I see others in happy fulfilling romantic relationships.

You’re rich and you have no kids – it’s a no-brainer to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Divorce, have a kid on your own, and don't look back.

The comment after the miscarriage is horrifying and alarming. Just get out.

[Anonymous]

So you are well off and have a good family support system. You leave him and have a kid via sperm donor and ivf! So many tougher problems in this world, op. Using the time you spend feeling sorry for yourself you’d probably already be a new mom.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I’m not rich and neither are my parents anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m not rich and neither are my parents anymore.

But you can support yourself, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m not rich and neither are my parents anymore.

Well with an unemployed husband, you'd be a lot richer on your own than married.

[Anonymous]

I think the word "romantic" is loaded with psychological baggage and fantasy for a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

OP maybe not having had children with him is a blessing in disguise. I agree with the somewhat cruelly phrased pp who suggested working on your own maturity and boundaries however if you think you are unhappy now having a child with someone who I already despise will crush you like you can’t even imagine. You’re young enough to divorce and start over but you have to get moving. You can have kids until you are 44, though it might get harder and you might need help over 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: A 25 year old should be mature enough to judge if a partner has good character and similar goals or not. Most things can change but not core values of a grown person. You weren't 17 and naive.

Now at 35, you still aren't mature enough to either be fully in your marriage or get out of it. Just because you are daddy's princess, doesn't mean your husband would've similar unconditional love. You look down upon him, treat him with contempt and he resents you like one would resent a controlling mom.

You can't just pick someone and hope to mold him into your ideal father.

I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to see things from another possible perspective and get you out of self pity and do something to improve your situation.

You're "not trying to be mean" but you certainly achieved it anyway, PP. Scolding the OP about her choices made a decade ago does nothing to help or advise her NOW. You also make the vast assumption that you can see inside the DH's head and know that "he resents you" blah blah. Check your assumptions and get down off your high horse. Adding that you're trying "get [OP] out of self-pity" is no excuse for your unhelpful, arrogant post.

OP, ignore the blame from PP above.

First, I'm sorry about the miscarriage and frankly even sorrier your DH has no empathy. His reaction alone is reason to consider divorce.

I agree with another PP who said that you should get to therapy as fast as you can. Start making calls today to find a therapist who can take you on. Therapy is in huge demand right now and it can be tough to find a therapist who is taking patients, so please start ASAP. Meanwhile, freeze eggs if you are determined to try for a bio child eventually (with him, with another man, with a donor). Also, take a hard and detailed look at your finances, both as an individual and as a couple, to ensure that if you decide to divorce, you'll be OK financially.

In therapy you need to examine why your fear of being single and childless is so intense. I get it, it's a fear many of us have, or have had, but if it's so intense it's keeping you in a bad situation and paralyzing you with fear -- you need to figure out how you could be happy on your own. Yes, you can divorce and leap into dating in hopes of finding the right man who wants a child etc., but you also need to be able to deal if that does not happen, and to learn to be happy in and by yourself. Also, you need to NOT blame your younger self. You couldn't have known that he would stall in man-boy mode. The PP above who thinks you should have had better foresight at 25 is not in your shoes, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the word "romantic" is loaded with psychological baggage and fantasy for a lot of people.

+1. You have issues, OP, but the FOMO of romantic love is a fantasy escape hatch.

I mean really, you didn’t get married until you were 25 so you very likely already experienced that “romantic love” when you were in HS or college. Where is that guy now? Just something to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the word "romantic" is loaded with psychological baggage and fantasy for a lot of people.

+1. You have issues, OP, but the FOMO of romantic love is a fantasy escape hatch.

I mean really, you didn’t get married until you were 25 so you very likely already experienced that “romantic love” when you were in HS or college. Where is that guy now? Just something to think about.

No it's not something to think about. I don't agree that romantic love is a fantasy escape hatch. I have experienced it in my 40s and it's possible. You have to be open to it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same situation wish I had the guts to leave.

Op here. I am terrified of being alone and being single in my late thirties and childless is basically my nightmare!

You can divorce and raise a child on your own.

If you stay married, you will be raising a child on your own anyway

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I was in same boat as you. Don’t give up hope. I finally found it in my late 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry about your miscarriage.

As a mom, you are in some ways living a life I envy, having the freedom of childlessness.

There are incredible things about it.

What a clueless if not nasty thing to say to someone who wants children.

Okay. Well I once felt kind of like OP when I was dealing with my own fertility issues and I wish I had treasured the good sides of being childless, honestly