Sad that I have never experienced healthy romantic love
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Anonymous
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I do not want to complain because I know God has blessed me in many ways and I am extremely fortunate in others. I grew up UC in an incredibly amazing family with doting and supportive parents. I have 4 siblings I’m extremely close to. I’ve had the privilege to live abroad in many countries and have received a great education. I also a job I love and friends I care about.
Healthy lasting romantic love and a family of my own, however seems to elude me. I picked poorly when I met my now husband at 25 years old. I completely overlooked the red flags and 10 years later find myself married to a petulant, narcissistic man-child who doesn’t want to grow up. Our relationship has dissolved over the years into a parent-child one like where I have become increasingly wound anxious as he is a bull in a china shop. He is unemployed now and isn’t interested in children. I’m devastated as I kept waiting and hoping he’d want what he promised he did before we married. However, lately he has been saying passive aggressive things such as, “ I know I’ll be stuck raising kids because you want them” after I suffered a recent miscarriage. I dont know what it’s like to have a romantic partner and an equal and to truly be adored by a man other than my father. It breaks my heart when I see others in happy fulfilling romantic relationships. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry OP. I do think there's an element of luck when we marry young . . . we just assume our partner will keep maturing, as will we. But it doesn't happen by accident; we have to make it happen, and not everyone has the desire or the understanding to do so.
You have choices. You're not stuck with this man forever, especially since you don't have children yet. It's easy for me to say because it's not my life, but if I were you, I would leave him and start over. You can always have a child on your own if you don't find a worthy partner within your time frame. I just don't see the upshot of staying in a situation like this. You say you envy healthy relationships . . . those involve boundaries, and walking away if we aren't treated right. Apply those to your marriage now, and you'll find that things will naturally end, or (less likely) he will rise to the occasion and start working on himself. Having a healthy relationship always starts with you and your willingness to walk away if you aren't treated right. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| At 35 (?) you don’t have time to waste feeling sorry for yourself. If your unemployed husband really is a narcissistic man child you can’t afford to have children with him and will need to jump ship and find someone else pronto. Therapy for you for sure and if you love him and he’s willing, marriage counseling to see if the marriage is salvageable. |
Anonymous
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I am sorry about your miscarriage.
As a mom, you are in some ways living a life I envy, having the freedom of childlessness. There are incredible things about it. |
Anonymous
| It's not too late to divorce him and start fresh. You owe it to yourself. You can do it. |
Anonymous
| I'm in the same situation wish I had the guts to leave. |
Anonymous
Op here. I am terrified of being alone and being single in my late thirties and childless is basically my nightmare! |
Anonymous
Everyone here will tell you to leave. Honestly you need the support of a high quality therapist to figure out what to do. Divorce isn’t a decision to take lightly but you are NOT too old to start over. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you are alone in your marriage now. |
Anonymous
| Freeze your eggs first. Then decide. |
Anonymous
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A 25 year old should be mature enough to judge if a partner has good character and similar goals or not. Most things can change but not core values of a grown person. You weren't 17 and naive.
Now at 35, you still aren't mature enough to either be fully in your marriage or get out of it. Just because you are daddy's princess, doesn't mean your husband would've similar unconditional love. You look down upon him, treat him with contempt and he resents you like one would resent a controlling mom. You can't just pick someone and hope to mold him into your ideal father. I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to see things from another possible perspective and get you out of self pity and do something to improve your situation. |
Anonymous
What a clueless if not nasty thing to say to someone who wants children. |
Anonymous
I’m met women your age living their best lives. Full of friends, and travel and fun. They’re the fun aunt to their siblings and friends kids. Get out now and go start living your life. It’s not too late for you to have that family but focus on yourself, get healthy (mentally) and once you get comfortable you may attract what you desire. But you need to start that ball rolling NOW. |
Anonymous
You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you don't want to be alone then accept what you've and try to make the best of it. Nobody can have everything they desire. |
Anonymous
You are alone now but tethered to someone who doesn’t want kids. Get out and gov e yourself a chance at happiness. |