How did you survive your husband’s mid life crisis?

[Anonymous]

(Speaking as a middle aged man who found my high T hobbies before the MLC could set in - I love my family but without that other stuff I would be much less nice to be around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Our joint midlife crisis caused us to try for a third kid.

At least it keeps us occupied.

Same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(Speaking as a middle aged man who found my high T hobbies before the MLC could set in - I love my family but without that other stuff I would be much less nice to be around

Do you… think adrenaline and testosterone are the same things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(Speaking as a middle aged man who found my high T hobbies before the MLC could set in - I love my family but without that other stuff I would be much less nice to be around

Do you… think adrenaline and testosterone are the same things?

Don’t get hung up on the science

I am simply saying that even middle aged men sometimes need to get their heart rate up a bit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Our joint midlife crisis caused us to try for a third kid.

At least it keeps us occupied.

Same!

Works far better if you technologically ensure it's impossible to succeed , and keep trying.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why this is your job to manage. It's almost like you've taken on your DH as another kid.

I'd be fine with the hobbies and purchases....but would draw the line at the "new personality". He's grumpy? Tired of being a dad? He was a willing participant in the decisions that led up to this point in his life, right? So sorry the consequences of the sex he had many years ago is too much for him to handle now.

Is he still able to emotionally connect with you on a relationship level....or is he just a big whinny ball of complaints at this point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why this is your job to manage. It's almost like you've taken on your DH as another kid.

I'd be fine with the hobbies and purchases....but would draw the line at the "new personality". He's grumpy? Tired of being a dad? He was a willing participant in the decisions that led up to this point in his life, right? So sorry the consequences of the sex he had many years ago is too much for him to handle now.

Is he still able to emotionally connect with you on a relationship level....or is he just a big whinny ball of complaints at this point?

You think your approach will help fix the problem? Your position here is logically defensible, but if there are things that OP can do to help make her DH happier and her marriage stronger, isn't that worth considering? If those things burden her more than they help her, then probably she shouldn't bother. But if they ultimately help her more than they burden her, she should probably go ahead and do them even if, logically, "she shouldn't have to."

[Anonymous]

Divorce

Seriously - divorce his sorry butt. He sounds used up. You’ve got 3-5 years of child support and alimony, so get cracking. Be ruthless in court, take him for everything.

After he’s out of the picture you’ll have time to find a cougar-chaser for some fun. He’ll get stuck with the kids every weekend and you get to have fun with your new man!

[Anonymous]

Mine cheated on me and left me for his highschool crush. He's obsessed with concerts, vinyl records, and grunge clothing. Drinks a lot and is obsessed with bands no one cares about. He's a GS-13 who used to dress well and be a family man and volunteer at AWANA. He's had quite the midlife crisis.

[Anonymous]

I left him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anyone been there done that? What is the right strategy? Continue to be supportive? Does it get even worse before it gets better?

I haven’t had as bad a situation as you describe, but I understand where he’s finding himself. We’re already at the empty nest stage so the raising kids part is done. I feel stuck in my job. I don’t really have any friends or any hobbies. But DW has built plenty of connections and we have a robust social circle through her that makes it all ok. Maybe this isn’t about supporting him, just support yourself and make sure you bring him along?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Our joint midlife crisis caused us to try for a third kid.

At least it keeps us occupied.

Same!

Hard pass! Happy to have lots of sex, no way in hell am I starting over with a newborn and starting the 18 year clock back to zero! My youngest is 12!

[Anonymous]

None of this sounds particularly bad with the exception of the extra drinking, alcohol does more to reinforce negative cycles than it does anything else.
As far as complaining about being a dad to sullen teenagers I totally get it and have the thought near daily.
An hour and a half ago he was 25 and every possible option was on the table, he bent down to tie his shoes and stood up to realize he was a slave to all his surveyed; it’s going to take a little while but he will find an outlet and hopefully it’s not an Applebee’s hostess.
I did all the same stuff then bought a boat, happy as a clam!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why this is your job to manage. It's almost like you've taken on your DH as another kid.

I'd be fine with the hobbies and purchases....but would draw the line at the "new personality". He's grumpy? Tired of being a dad? He was a willing participant in the decisions that led up to this point in his life, right? So sorry the consequences of the sex he had many years ago is too much for him to handle now.

Is he still able to emotionally connect with you on a relationship level....or is he just a big whinny ball of complaints at this point?

You think your approach will help fix the problem? Your position here is logically defensible, but if there are things that OP can do to help make her DH happier and her marriage stronger, isn't that worth considering? If those things burden her more than they help her, then probably she shouldn't bother. But if they ultimately help her more than they burden her, she should probably go ahead and do them even if, logically, "she shouldn't have to."

You cannot make somebody like this happier. This really is his own period of emotional turmoil to manage and he needs to do it in a way that doesn't bring down the whole family. Sometimes, yes, putting your foot down and demanding better is the way to fix the problem.

-DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of this sounds particularly bad with the exception of the extra drinking, alcohol does more to reinforce negative cycles than it does anything else.
As far as complaining about being a dad to sullen teenagers I totally get it and have the thought near daily.
An hour and a half ago he was 25 and every possible option was on the table, he bent down to tie his shoes and stood up to realize he was a slave to all his surveyed; it’s going to take a little while but he will find an outlet and hopefully it’s not an Applebee’s hostess.
I did all the same stuff then bought a boat, happy as a clam!

Boats and men…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU