How did you survive your husband’s mid life crisis?
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Anonymous
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Going on 2 years dealing with my husband’s mid life crisis. Mid 40s and openly admits that he is going through this.
Doing some of the usual things…working out, changing wardrobe, taking up new hobbies, drinking more than usual, buying a ridiculous car etc. I have been supportive in these areas hoping this works out of his system. I am having a hard time dealing with this new personality is just unrecognizable…unhappy, grumpy, tells me he is sick of being a Dad (kids are mid teens and I’ll admit are not the most pleasant right now) and generally just bored with our suburban life. I do not think he is involved with anyone. He does not travel for work and is home in the evenings and weekends. Anyone been there done that? What is the right strategy? Continue to be supportive? Does it get even worse before it gets better? |
Anonymous
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Let me know because I am a woman and this is how I feel, except I am trying to be nice and am in individual and marriage counseling because when women have this problem they seek out help.
Can you urge DH to try counseling? It has helped me a lot. |
Anonymous
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Your DH really needs to be seeing a therapist. And make sure he is maintaining his community as well - seeing established friends, making new ones in his workout/car/whatever areas of interest. I found that my husband needed to talk through some of the roller coaster stuff he was going through. Of course, talking about it looked VERY different for him than it would have for me.
Luckily, I went through my MLC before he hit his, so I was prepared. |
Anonymous
| He is not doing anything wrong at all. Just sounds like he needs some fun in his life. What are you doing to help with this? |
Anonymous
| In mid 50s now on the other side of this. Sounds like you are doing the right things. I agree to encourage therapy or simply ask him what would make him happier. Maybe discuss moving once the kids are out of the house if he wants something different. Try to find some fun things to do together and not focus on the kids all the time. Mostly just wait it out. Studies show that mid-40s is bottom of happiness curve and things get better after that. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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More sex; nudging him to re-establish (or establish) connections with friends and do things with them - golf, dinners, hang out in the back yard, anything; plan/fantasize about what we'll do as empty-nesters (e.g. trips we'd like to take).
The mid-life crisis wasn't exactly a "crisis." More moodiness. |
Anonymous
Agree! He’s probably watching life go by. I get it. I don’t think you need to “help” him but be more understanding? Even if you are content as can be, understand that other people want richer, deeper experiences. |
Anonymous
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You've gotten some excellent advice in posts above, OP! Positive, proactive advice that it makes me glad to see here.
I would add, if your kids are old enough to have their own activities but not yet driving themselves to activities -- can you get them carpools/rides etc. and frankly maneuver them out of the house in ways so you and DH can have some weekend time away? I'm not even talking about expensive overnights, I'm talking a Saturday day trip or Sunday afternoon out where you and he drive his ridiculous cool car somewhere fun and go to a festival, a winery, a road trip to a museum or a city an hour away or whatever. Without the kids. Pretty frequently, while also of course supporting your kids' activities. Whatever breaks up the weekend, gives you time together as adults, and feels to him--and to YOU!--like a break. And by the way, yes to therapy. It can be hard to find a therapist these days because there is a lot of demand for therapy, so start looking sooner, not later. |
Anonymous
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Our joint midlife crisis caused us to try for a third kid. At least it keeps us occupied. |
Anonymous
Snort. |
Anonymous
This just sounds like a terrible idea but I get it 😂😂😂 |
Anonymous
| OP - what are you doing for your own happiness? Also - your DH can both have a midlife glowup (exercise / better dressed etc) and NOT be grumpy. Having your own clear boundaries around this doesn't mean that you aren't "being supportive" - it means you are an adult with self-love and compassion. xoxo |
Anonymous
| He is sick of being a dad? Nice attitude. |
Anonymous
Bah. Everyone gets sick of the status quo from time to time. Plenty of good moms get tired of being a mom. Anything can become a grind if you do it enough. |
Anonymous
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Buy him a skydive, scuba lessons, big game hunting trip, race car driving lessons, etc. something to get the T flowing and make him feel less like a hamster on a wheel
It isn’t what we men evolved for |