Hiring a private investigator?

[Anonymous]

You have to be very rigorous about putting down your personal feelings about her lifestyle choices, and focusing only on: is she with someone who his abusing or isolating her.

If it's something like she's a lesbian and you don't accep3t that, leave it be.

If she's dating a criminal and getting addicted to drugs like heroin or meth (not marijuana), or if she won't talk to *anyone* outside her partner's circle, investigate and keep tabs an involve law enforcement if necessary.

Do you have any relatives or her old friends who can reach out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was contact cut? That will change my answer.

I have a relative who cut contact because their parents didn't accept that they were gay.

I have a friend who cut contact because her parents told her and her siblings that no inheritance will be left to them in the future.

Is there more to the inheritance story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you need to respect her boundary. Good for her for doing this

Oh, because you know why, right? Never once considered that this AC might have issues, and not her parents. But, just go there without any info. Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DC went to college in another city and found a job there after graduation. she had a mental breakdown and took one year off during college. Eventually she was able to manage her school work and also had a part time job. Everything was great in 2018 k 19. She had a job, an apartment, and friend s from college and work place. She often came home during long weekends and holidays. Unfortunately, she was hit hard by the pandemic, she lost her job and became less and less communicative. Her therapist was also stopped seeing her bc of covid concern. We supported her financially for two years. Knowing her anxiety and mental issues, we gave her time and space for her to recover. She has a job now and moved out from her apartment to a shared place. As parents, we missed her and would like to see her reconnect with us.
When we saw her last time, she talked about going to graduate school.
If a private investigator can tell us she is having a good job and live in a decent place, we will be happy for her.

Search her on TruePeopleSearch & WhitePages and on LinkedIn.

None of those outlets give any kind of current or even accurate information. You know that. And why would she be on Linked In. Come on.

[Anonymous]

I'll take the unpopular position that this is fine as long as you and the PI don't make contact with her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it will either give you peace of mind or you'll see she needs intervention. She is your child, I would do the same.

[Anonymous]

i am pro investigator, but I don’t understand what precipitated the falling out . She has had mental health issues and it sounds as though you have been supportive. Hell, I would go looking for her myself. You must be very worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

i am pro investigator, but I don’t understand what precipitated the falling out . She has had mental health issues and it sounds as though you have been supportive. Hell, I would go looking for her myself. You must be very worried.

Because you're only hearing one side of the story. Estranged parents aren't going to post here "I'm a boundary-trampling psycho who constantly hassles my children" even if it's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: We have been waiting for them to grow out of the difficult time and come home again.

It's hard to say when you're only hearing one side of the story.

But this sentence is really giving me estranged parent vibes. I assume coming home again means coming back in to the family fold (and not actually moving physically home). You're putting all the blame on your DC, labeling them as being difficult, and waiting for them to pretty much get over it. Where are you in all of this? Also, saying that they are being difficult is not a specific complaint. Certainly no reason to send a PI after them. People are allowed to be difficult.

If you believe your DC is potentially in danger....and actually have something substantial to base that feeling on....then by all means, as a parent, make sure they are OK. There are many ways to do this...hiring a PI would have to be a last resort.

But I get the feeling the concern here is really that she cut communication with you. From your 2nd post, it sounds like DC has a job and is living with roommates. Sounds like they are doing well. So what exactly do you need a PI for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DC went to college in another city and found a job there after graduation. she had a mental breakdown and took one year off during college. Eventually she was able to manage her school work and also had a part time job. Everything was great in 2018 k 19. She had a job, an apartment, and friend s from college and work place. She often came home during long weekends and holidays. Unfortunately, she was hit hard by the pandemic, she lost her job and became less and less communicative. Her therapist was also stopped seeing her bc of covid concern. We supported her financially for two years. Knowing her anxiety and mental issues, we gave her time and space for her to recover. She has a job now and moved out from her apartment to a shared place. As parents, we missed her and would like to see her reconnect with us.
When we saw her last time, she talked about going to graduate school.
If a private investigator can tell us she is having a good job and live in a decent place, we will be happy for her.

Search her on TruePeopleSearch & WhitePages and on LinkedIn.

None of those outlets give any kind of current or even accurate information. You know that. And why would she be on Linked In. Come on.

Yes, they do.

[Anonymous]

Alot of mental illness with many people. But, you don't know where it originate from. Maybe it's the kids and maybe it is you/us, the parents.
It takes an outsider to help you narrow down who has the real problems and usually it's both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it will either give you peace of mind or you'll see she needs intervention. She is your child, I would do the same.

+1. I would do it. If she's fine, the peace of mind would be worth it x100 and I'd leave her alone. If she's not fine, I'd help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our dear child has cut the communication with us during the Pandemic. She lives in another city. Is it okay for us to find out where she lives and works by hiring a private investigator ? We just want to know how she is doing. We have been waiting for them to grow out of the difficult time and come home again.

It is a sure sign of a troll when the post includes the phrase "is it okay for"? Adults don't do this. Trolls do,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you need to respect her boundary. Good for her for doing this

Oh, because you know why, right? Never once considered that this AC might have issues, and not her parents. But, just go there without any info. Sure.

The AC is an independent adult. This is crazy town controlling behavior.

[Anonymous]

Idk OP's story but as a parent, one should be worried if they've mo idea where their kid is, more so if kid has mental health issues. I see no harm in a basic welfare check. If anyone sees it as control, let them. Their well being comes first.