Hiring a private investigator?

[Anonymous]

Our dear child has cut the communication with us during the Pandemic. She lives in another city. Is it okay for us to find out where she lives and works by hiring a private investigator ? We just want to know how she is doing. We have been waiting for them to grow out of the difficult time and come home again.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to know where they work? Because you want to reach out to them through their work contact info? Highly inappropriate.

If you want to hire a PI to essentially do a welfare check, fine. But that means they'll just make contact and say "Your parents are worried about you - they would like you to reach out and assure them you're okay," and then tell you "I saw her, she's alive and just doesn't want anything to do with you"

[Anonymous]

Nope, it's not okay. If she's cut communication with you and won't tell you where she lives and works, that's because she doesn't want you to know. If she doesn't want you to know her workplace, it's probably because she doesn't have confidence that you'll refrain from inappropriate behavior that embarrasses her at work.

Respect the boundary she is setting and she may come around in time. But if you continue to intrude and pressure, she never will.

I don't know what you mean by "come home again", but it's normal for an adult child to live in another city from the parents. You're not entitled to have her "come home again", ever.

[Anonymous]

https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

Read this, OP, and see if you recognize yourself. But you won't.

[Anonymous]

No, you need to respect her boundary. Good for her for doing this

[Anonymous]

Why was contact cut? That will change my answer.

I have a relative who cut contact because their parents didn't accept that they were gay.

I have a friend who cut contact because her parents told her and her siblings that no inheritance will be left to them in the future.

[Anonymous]

It seems like you don't just want to know how she is doing. You actually want her to move back to your city. Which is no longer her "home" even if you wish it were. I wouldn't contact her until you've reconciled yourselves to the idea that she's an adult and will make her own choices and you don't get to choose for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was contact cut? That will change my answer.

I have a relative who cut contact because their parents didn't accept that they were gay.

I have a friend who cut contact because her parents told her and her siblings that no inheritance will be left to them in the future.

+1. The reason matters. You guys could be complete jerks or she could be depressed and shutting herself off from support systems or in an abusive relationship and he is controlling her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our dear child has cut the communication with us during the Pandemic. She lives in another city. Is it okay for us to find out where she lives and works by hiring a private investigator ? We just want to know how she is doing. We have been waiting for them to grow out of the difficult time and come home again.

I was following along until this. She lives somewhere else now. That is her home now.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DC went to college in another city and found a job there after graduation. she had a mental breakdown and took one year off during college. Eventually she was able to manage her school work and also had a part time job. Everything was great in 2018 k 19. She had a job, an apartment, and friend s from college and work place. She often came home during long weekends and holidays. Unfortunately, she was hit hard by the pandemic, she lost her job and became less and less communicative. Her therapist was also stopped seeing her bc of covid concern. We supported her financially for two years. Knowing her anxiety and mental issues, we gave her time and space for her to recover. She has a job now and moved out from her apartment to a shared place. As parents, we missed her and would like to see her reconnect with us.
When we saw her last time, she talked about going to graduate school.
If a private investigator can tell us she is having a good job and live in a decent place, we will be happy for her.

[Anonymous]

I would hire the contractor investigator. I know others will disagree. It sounds like your concern is genuine and not about controlling her. I would need to know my daughter was ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hire the contractor investigator. I know others will disagree. It sounds like your concern is genuine and not about controlling her. I would need to know my daughter was ok.

I have no idea why that says contractor instead of private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DC went to college in another city and found a job there after graduation. she had a mental breakdown and took one year off during college. Eventually she was able to manage her school work and also had a part time job. Everything was great in 2018 k 19. She had a job, an apartment, and friend s from college and work place. She often came home during long weekends and holidays. Unfortunately, she was hit hard by the pandemic, she lost her job and became less and less communicative. Her therapist was also stopped seeing her bc of covid concern. We supported her financially for two years. Knowing her anxiety and mental issues, we gave her time and space for her to recover. She has a job now and moved out from her apartment to a shared place. As parents, we missed her and would like to see her reconnect with us.
When we saw her last time, she talked about going to graduate school.
If a private investigator can tell us she is having a good job and live in a decent place, we will be happy for her.

Search her on TruePeopleSearch & WhitePages and on LinkedIn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DC went to college in another city and found a job there after graduation. she had a mental breakdown and took one year off during college. Eventually she was able to manage her school work and also had a part time job. Everything was great in 2018 k 19. She had a job, an apartment, and friend s from college and work place. She often came home during long weekends and holidays. Unfortunately, she was hit hard by the pandemic, she lost her job and became less and less communicative. Her therapist was also stopped seeing her bc of covid concern. We supported her financially for two years. Knowing her anxiety and mental issues, we gave her time and space for her to recover. She has a job now and moved out from her apartment to a shared place. As parents, we missed her and would like to see her reconnect with us.
When we saw her last time, she talked about going to graduate school.
If a private investigator can tell us she is having a good job and live in a decent place, we will be happy for her.

Okay but it still sounds like you have an agenda of getting her to move to where you live, which you say is her home even though it isn't anymore.

If she wanted you to know, she would tell you. Respect the boundary.

[Anonymous]

If you want an investigator, I can’t recommend them enough:
https://www.tjsverify.com/