Would you want to know if your adult daughter was in an affair with a married man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you tell them if it was any other man?

If I knew them and had very clear proof, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 29. An adult. You don’t tell her mommy on her. C’mon man be serious.

As for the posters who say they’d “want to know” - what if she were 40? 50? Do you tell her parents then? Of course not. Then you don’t tell them at 29 either.

If any person is sneaking into *my* house while I am sleeping, I want to know. This is the price of living with your parents. If you want to bring someone over, you do it with their awareness.

OP has no idea what her living arrangements are with her parents or what kind of understanding they have with her. That’s a cop out and an excuse. It could very easily be “if you’re having guys over we don’t want to know.”

And let’s be serious again: OP has no interest in telling the parents to “protect” them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look at this as a cry for help, from both of them. And she's not just their "adult daughter", she's a vulnerable adult who is making bad choices and bringing creeps into her parents' house. If she were not having emotional problems and it wasn't their home too, I would feel differently.

"Vulnerable" omfg.

She is trash. So is DH of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 29. An adult. You don’t tell her mommy on her. C’mon man be serious.

As for the posters who say they’d “want to know” - what if she were 40? 50? Do you tell her parents then? Of course not. Then you don’t tell them at 29 either.

If any person is sneaking into *my* house while I am sleeping, I want to know. This is the price of living with your parents. If you want to bring someone over, you do it with their awareness.

OP has no idea what her living arrangements are with her parents or what kind of understanding they have with her. That’s a cop out and an excuse. It could very easily be “if you’re having guys over we don’t want to know.”

And let’s be serious again: OP has no interest in telling the parents to “protect” them.

Ok, how about to protect this young woman from her own bad choices? Sorry but when you sneak an adult man into your parents' house you lose the right to be treated as a grown-up.

[Anonymous]

Focus on what matters. Your husband has cheated several times, so work on your relationship with him, or end it. Don't waste time worrying about the circumstances of the affairs, you have your own much bigger problems to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 29. An adult. You don’t tell her mommy on her. C’mon man be serious.

As for the posters who say they’d “want to know” - what if she were 40? 50? Do you tell her parents then? Of course not. Then you don’t tell them at 29 either.

If any person is sneaking into *my* house while I am sleeping, I want to know. This is the price of living with your parents. If you want to bring someone over, you do it with their awareness.

OP has no idea what her living arrangements are with her parents or what kind of understanding they have with her. That’s a cop out and an excuse. It could very easily be “if you’re having guys over we don’t want to know.”

And let’s be serious again: OP has no interest in telling the parents to “protect” them.

If they're fine with it, then they won't mind being told.

[Anonymous]

She's an adult. She can make her own choices.

[Anonymous]

OP is trying to justify her misplaced anger at the AP instead of her husband by claiming that she’d want to know if it was her daughter. AP is practically 30 FFS, not some 21 year old college kid.

[Anonymous]

I would want to hear about it from my daughter, as she is coming to terms with it, because that would indicate some insight and readiness to change.

I would not want to hear about it from other people peripherally involved, from my perspective. They're is not much I can do about another adult's risky behavior and/or poor life choices, unless they are ready to change. Without that, this would just be information about my adult child sex life and being dumped with another adult's emotional reaction to their own marriage issues.

That being sad, my god, OP, you are being very adult about this. I hope for you that give years from now, the anniversary of this week find you happier, more at peace, and living your best life with him in the damned mirror far behind you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is trying to justify her misplaced anger at the AP instead of her husband by claiming that she’d want to know if it was her daughter. AP is practically 30 FFS, not some 21 year old college kid.

No, she is holding her husband responsible. She made that clear.

[Anonymous]

Im sorry you are going through this. Please cut your losses before you do something stupid and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 29. An adult. You don’t tell her mommy on her. C’mon man be serious.

As for the posters who say they’d “want to know” - what if she were 40? 50? Do you tell her parents then? Of course not. Then you don’t tell them at 29 either.

If any person is sneaking into *my* house while I am sleeping, I want to know. This is the price of living with your parents. If you want to bring someone over, you do it with their awareness.

Yes, but it's partially on her parents to monitor her, or at least who's coming in and out of the house.

OP, I lean toward not telling them. They are old enough to understand what they need to do to care for their adult daughter. Perhaps they already know.

[Anonymous]

She’s a 29-year-old adult living with her parents.

Whatever understanding they have between the three of them about what she does, even inside the house, while living with them is their business.

I’m sorry, but the fact that she’s living there does not justify telling them. As others have said, and I say this with all compassion for your situation, this seems like a flimsy excuse to tell the parents of an adult woman about her decisions.

For all you know, they have cameras and have an inkling, but mind their own business, because perhaps they have other goals than to manage their daughters relationship choices. Your husband might be a much safer choice and other ones she’s made in the past, who knows!

Anyway, I wish you the best, but in answer to your question, you should not tell them. You should not assume they would want to know, you should not assume they don’t already know, you shouldn’t assume anything about their relationship with their daughter.

[Anonymous]

OP, what’s your source for your information about this relationship? Your DH?

As a PP said, don’t be pathetic. Go high.

[Anonymous]

No! My child is much younger but I sincerely hope I won’t know anything like that about 29 yo him. All I want to hear is that he is doing well, to be honest. I mean I won’t push him away if he has problems but I so, so hope I won’t have to ever deal with them!