How do you know if the grass is greener?

[Anonymous]

The grass is green where you water it.

Divorce pending - started out similar to you. XW cheated. We had 2 young kids. We now see kids half the time. The fire in their eyes is gone, disappearing shortly after going back and forth between the two houses. If you get along on all other fronts, maybe really try more counseling, individual and couples. As much as I wanted to keep the unit together, she wanted out because she was already planning on her life with the AP and now her current BF.

[Anonymous]

I think divorce should be a last resort, but cheating is one of the situations where I feel it’s warranted.

Your husband betrayed you. He put you in the position where you have to now choose between staying in a broken marriage (primarily of his doing) for your children and your own happiness.

If you feel your husband wants to do the work and you two can get back to a good place, then yes, I’d try for your kids and possibly your own interests. Otherwise separating is totally fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The grass is green where you water it.

Divorce pending - started out similar to you. XW cheated. We had 2 young kids. We now see kids half the time. The fire in their eyes is gone, disappearing shortly after going back and forth between the two houses. If you get along on all other fronts, maybe really try more counseling, individual and couples. As much as I wanted to keep the unit together, she wanted out because she was already planning on her life with the AP and now her current BF.

Are you and/or XW depressed? Negligent to the kids? Bitter? Because I wager that if you both continue being attentive parents who are well-adjusted and solid, the fire in your kids' eyes would return. Best wishes for you as you find your solid ground xoxo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You state "we" never got over the cheating. What is there for him to get over? He cheated, not you.

He sounds like a douche, and you sound like you are taking blame for something you did not do in order to seem rational and reasonable. No wonder you can't get over the cheating.

Are you hoping to find a 40+ divorced man who never cheated on his wife? Or are you hoping to find one who takes full account for what he did?

If DH has more social market value, then he doesn't really need to take blame or take some sort of DCUM "account" for what he did. DW really needs to step up so he doesn't have a reason to step outside the marriage.

Why don't you two just open the marriage? Do a "don't ask, don't tell" thing. Then you would actually KNOW if the grass is greener rather than imagining and hypothesizing.

If he does not take blame he will cheat again.

It won't matter how much OP "steps up". There will always be a rough patch/ bump somewhere. Marriage has those periods. If DH cannot take accountability to figure out how to handle those , he willstill cheat.

[Anonymous]

Go out and have a ONS and then tell him about it. Both of you will quickly have all your answers after that.

[Anonymous]

I want to be with my kids all the time. I don’t want a new step mom or GF spending time with them. That’s why I have stayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to be with my kids all the time. I don’t want a new step mom or GF spending time with them. That’s why I have stayed.

Then don’t file for divorce bc those things will definitely happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be with my kids all the time. I don’t want a new step mom or GF spending time with them. That’s why I have stayed.

Then don’t file for divorce bc those things will definitely happen.

That’s why I haven’t and won’t

[Anonymous]

Grass is greener on the other side if you find a good person. It's not that easy though. A lot of dorks along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The grass was greener for me. Much happier in my second marriage.

Me too, but my first marriage was such that leaving was a question of when, not if. Being single forever was definitely preferable to that, and the rest is just a cherry on top.

[Anonymous]

I wasn’t looking for greener grass. Just some strange. Strange definitely wasn’t even close to the emerald green at home, but I wasn’t looking to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grass is greener for me - divorced and single and dating. Divorce is a “solution” to the “problem” of being divorced to a particular person. It’s not a guaranty for a better future relationship.

This.

For me, greener. I had a bad marriage.
Greener is not having to be married to that person any longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to be with my kids all the time. I don’t want a new step mom or GF spending time with them. That’s why I have stayed.

You do realize that not everybody who divorces does that right? No one is spending time with our kids other than us the parents.
Divorced for three years now. I doubt that will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The grass is green where you water it.

Divorce pending - started out similar to you. XW cheated. We had 2 young kids. We now see kids half the time. The fire in their eyes is gone, disappearing shortly after going back and forth between the two houses. If you get along on all other fronts, maybe really try more counseling, individual and couples. As much as I wanted to keep the unit together, she wanted out because she was already planning on her life with the AP and now her current BF.

Then I think you handled the divorce poorly. My kids love having two houses. No issues.

[Anonymous]

When you go to the other side.