Wistful about them leaving for college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am surrounded by people like you but I am very sad about the kids leaving the nest, especially the youngest. I feel like a loser feeling sad when everyone else is so excited.

not op, but you're not a loser. Everyone's different. I'm not an emotional person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am surrounded by people like you but I am very sad about the kids leaving the nest, especially the youngest. I feel like a loser feeling sad when everyone else is so excited.

I feel the same. I miss the days of Little League, Scouts, music lessons, etc. Now that they are making college plans, I feel irrelevant. I’m so proud of them and excited to have more time alone with DH to travel and pursue but it still feels sad. Life is passing too quickly.

[Anonymous]

Take inventory of the parent-friends you've made during those school years and plan to keep in touch.

[Anonymous]

pp again. You won't be casually bumping into each other. And if you wait too long, years after HS graduation, so less likely to keep in touch

[Anonymous]

I’ll totally cry ugly on the drive home, but then I’ll be fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am surrounded by people like you but I am very sad about the kids leaving the nest, especially the youngest. I feel like a loser feeling sad when everyone else is so excited.

I feel the same. I miss the days of Little League, Scouts, music lessons, etc. Now that they are making college plans, I feel irrelevant. I’m so proud of them and excited to have more time alone with DH to travel and pursue but it still feels sad. Life is passing too quickly.

If parenting was the happiest phase of your life, how could you not be sad that it is coming to a close?

To look forward to old age?

I am with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Naw, I am with you. Never understood the puddles of tears every time the children reach a milestone. They are supposed to this. It’s a celebration, not some bittersweet thing.

But I am also not some overly sentimental person in general. So…

I mean, I will miss them. But they’ve been basically independent for three years already and these are just the next steps to full independence. Meanwhile, I am rediscovering myself and my spouse and we are embracing the empty nest life with gusto.

+1
Ultimate goal is to raise your kids so they become functioning adults. Heading to college is a part of that process. While I miss them, I'm thrilled for the next stage of their life. I don't want a 25yo living in my basement with no guidance in life.

Unfortunately, that and a kid going away to college are not mutually exclusive.

I know, but heading off to college to continue their education is a great start for setting a path so that does not happen. Just like them getting their Drivers license and starting to date and going to the movies and activities with just friends, not parents is all part of maturing and moving towards adulthood. I welcome them growing up and progressing in life---it's what I want for my kids, even if I know I will miss them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. BUT.....

I have a feeling I will be emotional when we drop him off in a few months, and I still have a younger at home.

I'm pretty sure I'll be more emotional when the younger one leaves, though.

Mentally, though, I can't wait to be independent again and travel the way I used to, sans kids.

I was fine when I dropped my youngest at college, until they had a full on meltdown. They normally are not overly emotional and do not do that, not even as a toddler. I knew they were nervous---college 3K miles away, knowing nobody, etc. But I was not prepared for the full meltdown less than an hour before needing to drop them at their dorm for first "hall meeting" and dorm activities. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do---calm them down, use a mediation app, remind them of why they love this school and picked it as it was their 2nd choice and had always liked it. I knew I had to get them to the dorm on time for freshman activities. Reminded them that everyone is in the same situation and does not know many people or none at all so just go have fun, throw yourself into activities and getting to know people and reminded them they will find their group. Leaving them the next day was hard, as I had to remain calm and unemotional and be their "rock", I knew I had to be the strong one with the knowledge that if they really hated it we could re-evaluate at Xmas.

Btw, by end of xmas break, my kid wanted the "earlier in the day flights so they get back to school sooner rather than at 11pm the night before classes" and then I knew they had found their group and will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. I feel deep emotions when any stage of their life comes to an end, and, I feel excitement, happiness, pride and trepidation when a new stage begins. Of course, I moderate my emotions and all my kids see is positivity and happiness from me. I have a vast friend circle and an amazing DH, and they will cheer me up and keep me busy.

I never bought into the idea of being an empty nester. My home is always the home of my kids ( and their families in future). My middle kid is in grad school 3.5 hours away, my eldest came back home in COVID, and my youngest went to college this year 30 minutes away. All in all, I have kids come and go from the house all the time. The best part of having grown kids is that you have the freedom to travel with peace of mind. Everyone pitches in so the chores are minimal. We have a cleaning lady and lawn service, so our house runs smoothly. Kids have their space, and all of us can entertain our guests without any issues because we do have multiple areas to entertain.

So, I am used to kids coming home quite frequently for all occasions. Also, my eldest did his grad school from home during COVID while working remotely. Now he is staying with us, in his new job and saving all his money because he is planning to get married to his gf in the next two years, and move to another city for some years. So, this is also another stage of his life. Frankly, college seems like small potatoes compared to marriage.

We have embraced the empty nester lifestyle since the past few years. The two years of COVID, when everyone was home really underlined the importance of family, having a support system and getting along with each other. Having ACs at home does not hamper our empty nester lifestyle, in fact it aids it. My younger kids are welcome to stay with us while they are working or studying, for as long as they want, if they want to save money like their eldest sibling. It will be their choice.

[Anonymous]

Eh, its college. They'll be back for fall break, Thanksgiving, Christmas, new year, spring break, long weekends and before you know it, year will end and they'll be back for summer vacation.

You better start looking for bus, train or plane tickets or gas up the car.

[Anonymous]

If they are independent and employed they won't need to move back with you to save rent. They'll probably be living in different states or countries, having some adventures.

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP. Mine left 10-15 years ago, but neighbors, book club friends, coworkers are going through this now. Mine didn’t boomerang.
By the time cOvid came around they all worked remotely from their own homes.
They do come home for occasional
Holidays but just for a day or two.

[Anonymous]

Excitement, pride, and joy for them may still result in a surprise flood of tears at drop off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excitement, pride, and joy for them may still result in a surprise flood of tears at drop off.

Yes this was me. I didn't want to ruin their summer before going to college by being sappy, I just spent alot of time with them and had fun. Cried all the way back home after drop off. Didn't really cry again but I felt the first year was a little easier because I really tried to plan ways to get me out of the house and doing what I wanted but now the second year Ive been hampered by some health things so I am alot more bored and unhappy. Both kids come home on Monday and I cannot wait. is it my fault that I don't have a great empty nest life, sure, but I love them, they are great kids and add so much color to my life.

[Anonymous]

No wistfulness from me!

DD put us through the wringer during most of her teen years. She's 25 now and we have a very good relationship, but I was very ready for her to go 1500 miles away when she was 18.

DS - I barely saw him his last two years of HS anyway.

DS graduated from college last weekend and just arrived last night to take care of some stuff at home this week. I'm happy to see him, but his grandmother was just with us for two weeks and left yesterday. We wanted the house to ourselves for a bit, lol.