How to respond to MILs outrageous comments

[Anonymous]

She was drunk! Why are you giving ANY credence to what someone said when they were drunk. She’s not the authority over who will be organized or overwhelmed as a parent! Just ignore it completely. I don’t know why you care what she said. She’s not god.

[Anonymous]

Ignoring is the correct course of action with a belligerent drunk so don’t beat yourself up for not having a retort. But you could consider having DH let her know why you are not at brunch. Better yet if he doesn’t go either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait- are you pregnant?

Your Dh should have stood up for you.

No I am not. I have had a recent loss and we are trying IVF next.

So OP had a recent loss and MIL nagged her on future childcare. That means it gets NO cards, gifts, happy mothers day from OP or DH. Where does MIL live? Non local-no brunch. If it's local and at a restaurant- don't go. Stuck there for over an hour. Brunch at local MIL house? Only if a short drive like you both live in Rockville and you're out and about anyway-10 minute stop to pick up a drink and food to go. Treat it as a trip to starbucks. It gets at most a head nod and grimace grin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait- are you pregnant?

Your Dh should have stood up for you.

No I am not. I have had a recent loss and we are trying IVF next.

So OP had a recent loss and MIL nagged her on future childcare. That means it gets NO cards, gifts, happy mothers day from OP or DH. Where does MIL live? Non local-no brunch. If it's local and at a restaurant- don't go. Stuck there for over an hour. Brunch at local MIL house? Only if a short drive like you both live in Rockville and you're out and about anyway-10 minute stop to pick up a drink and food to go. Treat it as a trip to starbucks. It gets at most a head nod and grimace grin.

Amend my above post to not even a 10 minute stop- any engaging with the thing even to ignore is too much

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks what she said doesn’t sound that bad? Everyone’s overwhelmed with a newborn. It sounds like she was worried about you all. The money comments and organization comments — only you would know, are they true? If so, sounds like she’s a worrier and those were reasons why she was worried. I think you should try to have a conversation with her and her know that you were hurt by her comments. And that you’re aware she was drunk but it was still hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL needs to be cut off to learn that she cannot behave that way. It can be temporary, like it was with my own mother, whom I cut off for 6 months - and then she learned her lesson! She is a lot more careful about what comes out of her mouth these days, and we have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks what she said doesn’t sound that bad? Everyone’s overwhelmed with a newborn. It sounds like she was worried about you all. The money comments and organization comments — only you would know, are they true? If so, sounds like she’s a worrier and those were reasons why she was worried. I think you should try to have a conversation with her and her know that you were hurt by her comments. And that you’re aware she was drunk but it was still hurtful.

You obviously don't have a mother like that. Of course it's anxiety, PP. Do you understand that you cannot treat someone this way "just" because you are worried about them? The result is the same regardless of what you hold in your heart - they feel abused, because they are.

You really need to understand this: love is not always expressed in constructive ways.

[Anonymous]

Grey rock. DH handles.

[Anonymous]

Drunks are not reasonable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks what she said doesn’t sound that bad? Everyone’s overwhelmed with a newborn. It sounds like she was worried about you all. The money comments and organization comments — only you would know, are they true? If so, sounds like she’s a worrier and those were reasons why she was worried. I think you should try to have a conversation with her and her know that you were hurt by her comments. And that you’re aware she was drunk but it was still hurtful.

Huh? No, not everyone is overwhelmed by a newborn. Most people work it out without extra help from nannies, etc.

[Anonymous]

*IF* she has a drinking problem, what she says at any time is unimportant.

[Anonymous]

"Did you have a drinking problem when Larla and Klaus were babies, Darlene? Or did it start later?"

[Anonymous]

Update. I skipped the Mother’s Day brunch and had a great time relaxing and went for a walk. Hurray for boundaries!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update. I skipped the Mother’s Day brunch and had a great time relaxing and went for a walk. Hurray for boundaries!

I hope your husband and kids skipped it too, otherwise she won't get the message, and indeed, she might be very happy about the situation. Next year, she'll make sure to be extra nasty to you so this becomes the new normal.

Big mistake on your husband's part if he went! He should stand by his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Did you have a drinking problem when Larla and Klaus were babies, Darlene? Or did it start later?"

This right here. This is what will stop it.