Making child go to a school they don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

I know my opinion will be unpopular, but 14 is too young to make big decisions on their own. As the parent, you know what’s best for your child. Although. I never would have applied to a school that I wasn’t interested in having my child attend. If she wants to make a case for the larger school, then have a discussion about the options. Maybe you’ll both discover valid reasons for choosing one over the other. However, her reasons need to be legitimate, and not related to “vibes.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP she actually went to two shadow days at both schools. The first one at the all girls she loved and was no question to is going. Hated the first at the larger school. The opposite happen at her second shadow days. So that’s what makes this so hard. Also two of her best friends are going to the bigger coed school and I don’t want her to make the decision based on ghat.

Make the call and explain in detail why. Make sure you acknowledge her feelings and opinions. Just part of being the parent. Sometimes they'll like you and sometimes they won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know my opinion will be unpopular, but 14 is too young to make big decisions on their own. As the parent, you know what’s best for your child. Although. I never would have applied to a school that I wasn’t interested in having my child attend. If she wants to make a case for the larger school, then have a discussion about the options. Maybe you’ll both discover valid reasons for choosing one over the other. However, her reasons need to be legitimate, and not related to “vibes.”

+1
I think if you've both been flip-flopping you get to make the choice. If there's some very clear reason she hates one school that's different but it sounds like that is not the case and as the parent you have the older, wiser view of your child's life and future.

[Anonymous]

OP which schools? If it’s Madeira or Holton, I would definitely send her there. You will not regret it.
Not sure I would feel the same about most of the other all- girls options.

[Anonymous]

Pro/con list from kid and parents. Then,discuss.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of kids can't see the big picture and how could they when they have only lived 14 years? You know your child and you feel strongly the all girls school is the right choice. Don't doubt yourself.

We sent DC to a school she did not initially chose and she adores it and we could not be happier with how she did there.

[Anonymous]

We made one kid go to a high school with a guarantee that he could transfer after a year. He stayed! But we would have been 100% effort on a transfer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a better option for a few reasons. I feel a big reason she wants to go to the larger school is because her best friends is going there and a lots of kids from the neighborhood-so less change. She does not like change. smaller classes, less distractions, more opportunities (sports, clubs, travel). Just seems like such a supportive, caring environment which I think she would thrive off of and help raise her self esteem.

FWIW, my DC made the switch to the smaller school and is still very close to the friends who went to the bigger school. They are in college now and take road trips to see each other and hang out in the summer. Switching schools just made the friend group bigger for everyone. Kids socialize very independently in high school.

[Anonymous]

We faced a similar situation in that DS was accepted to two good options and I was leaning hard one way and he adamantly wanted the other option. I spoke with several people I trust including his current head of school and they all said at this age trust your student. Even if you think you know better, when it gets challenging - and everyone has challenges in high school - it's better if they go in knowing this was their choice. If you force another school, the first time there's aproblem it will be "You made me come here." So we let our student decide. If I'm honest, it still hurts my heart and I do second guess our decision almost daily. But I'm 100% supportive to my student and I feel like they do have to make the choice.

[Anonymous]

At this age, trust your child. My parents didn't trust me on this choice and I had a horrible experience at the "better" school. It took me years in therapy to recover from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We faced a similar situation in that DS was accepted to two good options and I was leaning hard one way and he adamantly wanted the other option. I spoke with several people I trust including his current head of school and they all said at this age trust your student. Even if you think you know better, when it gets challenging - and everyone has challenges in high school - it's better if they go in knowing this was their choice. If you force another school, the first time there's aproblem it will be "You made me come here." So we let our student decide. If I'm honest, it still hurts my heart and I do second guess our decision almost daily. But I'm 100% supportive to my student and I feel like they do have to make the choice.

I agree with this. Kids grow and mature significantly during HS years.
Sometimes you just don’t know what will work out best. Unless her choice is a bad school, I would go with her choice.

[Anonymous]

DD had the choice between a larger well known "better" school and a smaller one. She picked the smaller one. It was not my first choice and is far from perfect, but she is thriving. It's a big fish small pond situation and I can see her confidence has grown, she is enjoying her classes, and earning great grades.

Let her go to her choice and see if she is willing to switch if necessary.

[Anonymous]

IMO, the decision to choose a school should depend on the maturity and decision-making history of your daughter. Some teenagers prioritize trivial factors such as where their friends or boyfriend is going, the school's social scene and other irrelevant factors. What truly matters is the quality of course offerings, matriculation, level of support, the culture, the opportunities for athletics (in her case), and so forth.

If your daughter demonstrates maturity and has a history of making wise decisions, then her input should be taken into consideration. However, if she is immature and swayed by friends, a boyfriend, or other non-critical factors, then you need to decide for her. She will make new friends and life will continue regardless of the chosen school.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I personally experienced this as child going into HS (different state). Due to cultural norms, my parents declared I was going to the prestigious all girls school once accepted. I did not want to go...at all!! I was a tomboy who buckled at the thought of an all girls environment, much less for four years. By all accounts, I was incredibly mature and responsible for my age, but that fact was not a consideration in their decision. There was no debate and no option, my parents said I was going and off I went. Shockingly, I ended up loving the school (even as I remained a tomboy). I appreciated its academics and opportunities, and did not notice the boys' absence from my classroom (hard to believe, but true); I simply spent time with the guys after school. I went in kicking and screaming, but grew to appreciate the school and my school pride still lingers many years removed.

One benefit of certain cultures is the embedded understanding that parents (and all their wisdom/experience) usually know best. Sure, not always, but generally parents will make a more accurate determination of what is in a teenager's best interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP which schools? If it’s Madeira or Holton, I would definitely send her there. You will not regret it.
Not sure I would feel the same about most of the other all- girls options.

We chose to not send our child to one of the schools you listed for other all-girls options PP.