Need advice re: competitive dance

[Anonymous]

If the team has committed to Nationals, you should not back out of Nationals. You made a commitment to the team that you would be there and you should honor it. Despite the price tag. If you back out, you are showing your daughter that such commitments mean nothing. The absolutely SHOULD mean something.

Also, you are minimizing the impact your daughter not participating has on the team. The choreography changes are not a big deal, but the team acutely feels your daughter not being there. It affects their morale and they feel like their team mate didn't come through for them. It 100% will have an impact on the performance. (Ask me how I know.)

I get your daughter is more in it for the social aspect. You are right to pull the plug for next year. But don't make the other team members suffer on account of your decision. Teach your daughter the right thing about honoring commitments to a team. The team will remember your daughter for bailing in perpetuity, and you don't want that reputation following her.

[Anonymous]

Dance “nationals” isn’t really a national competition. Anyone can sign up,
pay a fee, and go. They can adjust formations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dance “nationals” isn’t really a national competition. Anyone can sign up,
pay a fee, and go. They can adjust formations.

And make the rest of the girls feel like sh!t because their teammate flaked out on them. Great lesson to teach your daughter and great parenting. Way to make others pay the price for your decisions with nary a thought about them. And so very expected from the Washingtonian crowd: it's all about you.

[Anonymous]

If you drop now, expect a choreography fee to be charged to your account for resetting the pieces.

[Anonymous]

No way I would pay an extra $3-4k for something my child didn't care about and we were ultimately quitting anyway.

Just be sure before you quit mid year because I'm sure you are burning a bridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dance “nationals” isn’t really a national competition. Anyone can sign up,
pay a fee, and go. They can adjust formations.

And make the rest of the girls feel like sh!t because their teammate flaked out on them. Great lesson to teach your daughter and great parenting. Way to make others pay the price for your decisions with nary a thought about them. And so very expected from the Washingtonian crowd: it's all about you.

I think teaching your daughter that spending $3-4k on an activity that she has not shown much dedication for and has decided to quit in the setting of reduced household income is a very good lesson. It’s not just about her and her friends. You are a family unit and spending 3-4K on going to nationals is not in your best interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dance “nationals” isn’t really a national competition. Anyone can sign up,
pay a fee, and go. They can adjust formations.

And make the rest of the girls feel like sh!t because their teammate flaked out on them. Great lesson to teach your daughter and great parenting. Way to make others pay the price for your decisions with nary a thought about them. And so very expected from the Washingtonian crowd: it's all about you.

No, no one will care. This isn’t the Olympic bobsled team. The rest of the girls will hardly notice and be fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dance “nationals” isn’t really a national competition. Anyone can sign up,
pay a fee, and go. They can adjust formations.

And make the rest of the girls feel like sh!t because their teammate flaked out on them. Great lesson to teach your daughter and great parenting. Way to make others pay the price for your decisions with nary a thought about them. And so very expected from the Washingtonian crowd: it's all about you.

No, no one will care. This isn’t the Olympic bobsled team. The rest of the girls will hardly notice and be fine

I totally disagree. It has happened to my daughter and her team. No, they are not Olympic caliber dancers but they adhere to the code of conduct/team handbook they signed: Come on time, respect the coach and the team members, don't half-ass their commitment, and if you decide to dance competitively, YOU COMMIT TO GOING TO ALL PRACTICES AND ALL COMPETITIONS. Everyone knows the commitment they are making upfront.

Having a team mate let them down totally affects them. They care, and are like "we are keeping to the commitment we made, it's crappy of team member XX to blow her commitment/us off."

Tell yourself what you want to to feel better, but it's crappy thing to do to other and a super crappy lesson to teach your child to bail. At the same time, you are teaching a helluva lesson to the kids you are bailing on, one about how they can't take your daughter for her word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dance “nationals” isn’t really a national competition. Anyone can sign up,
pay a fee, and go. They can adjust formations.

And make the rest of the girls feel like sh!t because their teammate flaked out on them. Great lesson to teach your daughter and great parenting. Way to make others pay the price for your decisions with nary a thought about them. And so very expected from the Washingtonian crowd: it's all about you.

No, no one will care. This isn’t the Olympic bobsled team. The rest of the girls will hardly notice and be fine

I totally disagree. It has happened to my daughter and her team. No, they are not Olympic caliber dancers but they adhere to the code of conduct/team handbook they signed: Come on time, respect the coach and the team members, don't half-ass their commitment, and if you decide to dance competitively, YOU COMMIT TO GOING TO ALL PRACTICES AND ALL COMPETITIONS. Everyone knows the commitment they are making upfront.

Having a team mate let them down totally affects them. They care, and are like "we are keeping to the commitment we made, it's crappy of team member XX to blow her commitment/us off."

Tell yourself what you want to to feel better, but it's crappy thing to do to other and a super crappy lesson to teach your child to bail. At the same time, you are teaching a helluva lesson to the kids you are bailing on, one about how they can't take your daughter for her word.

What if the cost for nationals was $15k? It is ok to “quit” then? Does saving 15k make it less “crappy” to bail? There is a price on proving a point to your kid. For some it may be $2k. For others it may be $200. How high are you willing to go, pp?

[Anonymous]

You guys drank the Kool Aid, you get that, right?

Perpetuating this idea that this is SERIOUS. and you CANNOT BACK OUT. is how these dance studios make $$$$$$$$$$$$$

It's not OMG THE FORMATIONS and gee whiz OUR TEAMMATE LEFT US. The studio convinces you of this because they enjoy money.

Do what is best for you family, for God's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dance “nationals” isn’t really a national competition. Anyone can sign up,
pay a fee, and go. They can adjust formations.

And make the rest of the girls feel like sh!t because their teammate flaked out on them. Great lesson to teach your daughter and great parenting. Way to make others pay the price for your decisions with nary a thought about them. And so very expected from the Washingtonian crowd: it's all about you.

No, no one will care. This isn’t the Olympic bobsled team. The rest of the girls will hardly notice and be fine

I totally disagree. It has happened to my daughter and her team. No, they are not Olympic caliber dancers but they adhere to the code of conduct/team handbook they signed: Come on time, respect the coach and the team members, don't half-ass their commitment, and if you decide to dance competitively, YOU COMMIT TO GOING TO ALL PRACTICES AND ALL COMPETITIONS. Everyone knows the commitment they are making upfront.

Having a team mate let them down totally affects them. They care, and are like "we are keeping to the commitment we made, it's crappy of team member XX to blow her commitment/us off."

Tell yourself what you want to to feel better, but it's crappy thing to do to other and a super crappy lesson to teach your child to bail. At the same time, you are teaching a helluva lesson to the kids you are bailing on, one about how they can't take your daughter for her word.

Kool-aid poster here.

OMG to the bolded. Laughing my damn ass off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would consider this a commitment for the year but I would discuss with her clearly that you're not signing up for next year. Also gives her a chance to really think about that too.

I agree with this. And if she takes this to heart and turns it around to work hard the rest of the year, I might let her sign up for next year if she can commit to working.

[Anonymous]

Yes she needs something or things that are athletic to do. She is headed to middle school. Look at the middle school offerings for after school sports and talk about them. First between you and your spouse, then her.

What can she realistically do with some level of success so that she is not too self-conscious. You need to be involved here and actually play a roll.

What makes sense for her? She can be into many things as hobbies and activities over the next 10 years. Sports, art, dance, music, jobs, Scouts, whatever. Your job is to help her get ready and be ready, and intelligently explore options that work for her and your family. We still tease our kids that they missed their chance to be olympic dressage riders (top riding club near our home) if only they had richer parents who could have afforded the sport.

The big thing - and an advantage you have with a kid who at least dances a bit now - is that you are not starting at square one in anything.

My advice: 1. If she is not already a good swimmer get her on a (inexpensive) neighborhood summer swim team. All my kids did not care very much for it and never did particularly well in races, but in 2 summers they were all very good swimmers you could trust to go to a pool party. Huge safety thing and the swim clubs were a decent place to hang out.

2. Really look at options for what she could do, availability in your area, that work out cost and time wise- then discuss it with her. Explain - the goals are to find things she likes, can do for years, in and out of school, and that at least something will help her be and stay fit.

Talk to her about options and what might work. Sports, like music and art and dance are largely learned activities. Kids don’t always understand this. Kids very frequently think their friends or schoolmates are just magically good at something without practice. They don’t see the practice. Your daughter understands the idea and need for practice already. But, she does not yet understand that she can find activities that she will want to practice. No - it will not always be fun, because practice at anything involves making lots of mistakes. But, and you can explain (many times) she can come to find the fun even when she screws up and it is hard. The paint smeared, the shot didn’t go in, she flubbed a line, or a dance step, or note. You can tell her, if when that stuff happens she can shake it off and determine she will get it next time, or the next time, or the next. Then she found something.

But - even finding something as a passion - if it is not athletic she still needs to do something physical so she can stay in shape. Run. Lift weights. Dance. Whatever. You can help her decide by exploring options. Do think about her present and likely future physical size when planning these options. Is she going to be over 6 feet tall? Basketball and volleyball are decent considerations. Playing s school sport of some sort is always going to be a good way to meet people and find friends. And, you don’t have to be great at it. Just fit and reasonably competent.

[Anonymous]

Where do you all do competitive dance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys drank the Kool Aid, you get that, right?

Perpetuating this idea that this is SERIOUS. and you CANNOT BACK OUT. is how these dance studios make $$$$$$$$$$$$$

It's not OMG THE FORMATIONS and gee whiz OUR TEAMMATE LEFT US. The studio convinces you of this because they enjoy money.

Do what is best for you family, for God's sake.

Agree. Competitive dance is a huge racket filled with mediocre dancers they extort. Back out with zero guilt. No one is depending on your daughter. The dance will be just fine with 20 girls instead of 21.