Sole breadwinner 350k/yr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was us double biglaw. It was an effing grind. And with no default parent or primary breadwinner/primary house manager division, everything was just a constant shtshow. Constantly taking care of things late or not at all, late fees, stress.

Hopefully your spouse is taking other stress off your plate.

THIS^^^
Is exactly why when we had kids I decided I wanted to stay home for a bit and continued it forever. Spouse travelled for work and worked long hours. They were moving much faster up the management chain (I was an engineer and had no desire to be management so was never going to make as much, but still was making 6 figures at 28 over 25 years ago). We felt if we were going to have kids it was important for them to have a parent figure around providing them a happy environment, not just nannies and parents coming home after they go to bed, or nannies for the week because we were both traveling.

So we agreed that would take the stress off my spouse as well. He was free to say yes to anything at work, without worrying about the kids or his responsibilities at home. As long as both agree, it can be a great situation.
Me---I'm thrilled I was able to be a SAHP for my kids. DOn't regret it at all (and I have 2 BS degrees from T10 and a MS from a T20--highly educated and had a career that was advancing well when I stopped). Now I don't need to go back and will just enjoy traveling with my spouse now for their work trips as we are empty nesters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes but then $175k of that $350k would go to taxes and another $75-$100k for childcare. A lot of the rest would be eaten up by other outsourcing and buying more clothes, dry cleaning and communing costs. Your lifestyle wouldn’t be much better, and you’d just have two stressed out overworked parents.

+1000 So many do not consider this.

Now, sure if both really want to work, that is great. And yes, you must look at your lost potential in future wages by choosing to stay home. But if one is a much higher wage earner and the other is happy staying home, why not? Just be certain both partners are on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but then $175k of that $350k would go to taxes and another $75-$100k for childcare. A lot of the rest would be eaten up by other outsourcing and buying more clothes, dry cleaning and communing costs. Your lifestyle wouldn’t be much better, and you’d just have two stressed out overworked parents.

75-100k for childcare?! When we did this we had an au pair and part time preschool. It was way less than that even counting pre-tax.

NP but this is unfortunately easily doable if you opt for expensive but not outrageous options. our last year for 4 and 1 yo: 65k+ nanny salary and nanny taxes. 16K morning pre-K for older DC during school year, 4K morning summer camp for older DC.

+1

Not everyone wants to go the au pair route. I've heard more nightmare situations than highly successful ones. Not willing to risk that with my kids. I need reliable, trustworthy childcare that I trust. And for that you typically have to pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but then $175k of that $350k would go to taxes and another $75-$100k for childcare. A lot of the rest would be eaten up by other outsourcing and buying more clothes, dry cleaning and communing costs. Your lifestyle wouldn’t be much better, and you’d just have two stressed out overworked parents.

75-100k for childcare?! When we did this we had an au pair and part time preschool. It was way less than that even counting pre-tax.

I wouldn’t want an au pair raising my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but then $175k of that $350k would go to taxes and another $75-$100k for childcare. A lot of the rest would be eaten up by other outsourcing and buying more clothes, dry cleaning and communing costs. Your lifestyle wouldn’t be much better, and you’d just have two stressed out overworked parents.

75-100k for childcare?! When we did this we had an au pair and part time preschool. It was way less than that even counting pre-tax.

NP but this is unfortunately easily doable if you opt for expensive but not outrageous options. our last year for 4 and 1 yo: 65k+ nanny salary and nanny taxes. 16K morning pre-K for older DC during school year, 4K morning summer camp for older DC.

+1

Not everyone wants to go the au pair route. I've heard more nightmare situations than highly successful ones. Not willing to risk that with my kids. I need reliable, trustworthy childcare that I trust. And for that you typically have to pay

I think you have a bias for wanting to hear nightmares then. We have had 6 au pairs and many other families we know have had au pairs too. The only nightmare stories I have ever heard were nightmares for the au pairs.

[Anonymous]

We were double BigLaw and then my husband got cancer, so now I am the sole breadwinner (and no longer in BigLaw). I make about half of what you make and support my husband, who is a disabled veteran, and two kids. Be grateful for what you have and remember that the marriage vows are "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health" for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I make about that combined, busting our asses. Be grateful, OP.

So you’d be happy with 1/2 because other people bust their asses making 1/2?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were double BigLaw and then my husband got cancer, so now I am the sole breadwinner (and no longer in BigLaw). I make about half of what you make and support my husband, who is a disabled veteran, and two kids. Be grateful for what you have and remember that the marriage vows are "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health" for a reason.

Being sick is way different than being a slacker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but then $175k of that $350k would go to taxes and another $75-$100k for childcare. A lot of the rest would be eaten up by other outsourcing and buying more clothes, dry cleaning and communing costs. Your lifestyle wouldn’t be much better, and you’d just have two stressed out overworked parents.

75-100k for childcare?! When we did this we had an au pair and part time preschool. It was way less than that even counting pre-tax.

I wouldn’t want an au pair raising my kids.

Well great news, parents raise kids, not au pairs OR nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was us double biglaw. It was an effing grind. And with no default parent or primary breadwinner/primary house manager division, everything was just a constant shtshow. Constantly taking care of things late or not at all, late fees, stress.

Hopefully your spouse is taking other stress off your plate.

THIS^^^
Is exactly why when we had kids I decided I wanted to stay home for a bit and continued it forever. Spouse travelled for work and worked long hours. They were moving much faster up the management chain (I was an engineer and had no desire to be management so was never going to make as much, but still was making 6 figures at 28 over 25 years ago). We felt if we were going to have kids it was important for them to have a parent figure around providing them a happy environment, not just nannies and parents coming home after they go to bed, or nannies for the week because we were both traveling.

So we agreed that would take the stress off my spouse as well. He was free to say yes to anything at work, without worrying about the kids or his responsibilities at home. As long as both agree, it can be a great situation.
Me---I'm thrilled I was able to be a SAHP for my kids. DOn't regret it at all (and I have 2 BS degrees from T10 and a MS from a T20--highly educated and had a career that was advancing well when I stopped). Now I don't need to go back and will just enjoy traveling with my spouse now for their work trips as we are empty nesters.

Many engineers have reasonable hours with flexibility to shift hours and/or WFH. If you couldn’t hack it just say so, don’t make stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but then $175k of that $350k would go to taxes and another $75-$100k for childcare. A lot of the rest would be eaten up by other outsourcing and buying more clothes, dry cleaning and communing costs. Your lifestyle wouldn’t be much better, and you’d just have two stressed out overworked parents.

75-100k for childcare?! When we did this we had an au pair and part time preschool. It was way less than that even counting pre-tax.

NP but this is unfortunately easily doable if you opt for expensive but not outrageous options. our last year for 4 and 1 yo: 65k+ nanny salary and nanny taxes. 16K morning pre-K for older DC during school year, 4K morning summer camp for older DC.

Sure, but most people don’t need 55hrs a week of childcare. Our peak Weald an Aupair which cost us all in 30k and part time preschool through a local church for about $600/mo. We threw in a few summer camps for another 5k.

Spending what you describe is bananas. Not all high earning dual income families need outrageously long childcare hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but then $175k of that $350k would go to taxes and another $75-$100k for childcare. A lot of the rest would be eaten up by other outsourcing and buying more clothes, dry cleaning and communing costs. Your lifestyle wouldn’t be much better, and you’d just have two stressed out overworked parents.

75-100k for childcare?! When we did this we had an au pair and part time preschool. It was way less than that even counting pre-tax.

I wouldn’t want an au pair raising my kids.

Your attempt at sparking the mommy wars is so 2015.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was us double biglaw. It was an effing grind. And with no default parent or primary breadwinner/primary house manager division, everything was just a constant shtshow. Constantly taking care of things late or not at all, late fees, stress.

Hopefully your spouse is taking other stress off your plate.

THIS^^^
Is exactly why when we had kids I decided I wanted to stay home for a bit and continued it forever. Spouse travelled for work and worked long hours. They were moving much faster up the management chain (I was an engineer and had no desire to be management so was never going to make as much, but still was making 6 figures at 28 over 25 years ago). We felt if we were going to have kids it was important for them to have a parent figure around providing them a happy environment, not just nannies and parents coming home after they go to bed, or nannies for the week because we were both traveling.

So we agreed that would take the stress off my spouse as well. He was free to say yes to anything at work, without worrying about the kids or his responsibilities at home. As long as both agree, it can be a great situation.
Me---I'm thrilled I was able to be a SAHP for my kids. DOn't regret it at all (and I have 2 BS degrees from T10 and a MS from a T20--highly educated and had a career that was advancing well when I stopped). Now I don't need to go back and will just enjoy traveling with my spouse now for their work trips as we are empty nesters.

Many engineers have reasonable hours with flexibility to shift hours and/or WFH. If you couldn’t hack it just say so, don’t make stuff up.

What type of engineer are you talking about? Software engineers are the only ones that really fit your odd generalization and most of their flexibility is recent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was us double biglaw. It was an effing grind. And with no default parent or primary breadwinner/primary house manager division, everything was just a constant shtshow. Constantly taking care of things late or not at all, late fees, stress.

Hopefully your spouse is taking other stress off your plate.

THIS^^^
Is exactly why when we had kids I decided I wanted to stay home for a bit and continued it forever. Spouse travelled for work and worked long hours. They were moving much faster up the management chain (I was an engineer and had no desire to be management so was never going to make as much, but still was making 6 figures at 28 over 25 years ago). We felt if we were going to have kids it was important for them to have a parent figure around providing them a happy environment, not just nannies and parents coming home after they go to bed, or nannies for the week because we were both traveling.

So we agreed that would take the stress off my spouse as well. He was free to say yes to anything at work, without worrying about the kids or his responsibilities at home. As long as both agree, it can be a great situation.
Me---I'm thrilled I was able to be a SAHP for my kids. DOn't regret it at all (and I have 2 BS degrees from T10 and a MS from a T20--highly educated and had a career that was advancing well when I stopped). Now I don't need to go back and will just enjoy traveling with my spouse now for their work trips as we are empty nesters.

Many engineers have reasonable hours with flexibility to shift hours and/or WFH. If you couldn’t hack it just say so, don’t make stuff up.

What type of engineer are you talking about? Software engineers are the only ones that really fit your odd generalization and most of their flexibility is recent.

I know engineers in civil, mechanical, biomedical, and yes software. So much design, testing, and analysis is computer-based and lends itself to hybrid or sometimes FT WFH. Those I know in high security clearance positions who go in person still maintain decent 9-5 hours and don’t have the option to log in nights and weekends. A talented IC can make up to $150-200k with good work-life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds stupid but it’s depressing to think that I could have married someone making my salary and we’d have a 700k HHI. On 350k there are so many nice houses out of reach that would be affordable on two of my incomes.

Think about what your partner is probably saying about you
I wish I had married someone making 700k+. There are so many nice houses we could afford...

Thanks for letting us know what you make even though no one asked.
These types of questions don't help anyone and also show a not-so-subtle disregard for the value of household labor.

Does the value of household labor scale with partner's income?

OP, since you should be donating your excess income to charity, you would've have a more luxurious lifestyle if your partner were a high earner.
Unless you are one of the Rich that the masses are support to Eat.