Talking Divorce With Kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excuse any grammar errors, I’m translating this into my iPhone instead of typing.

So I got divorced two years ago and my kids come to me with questions about their dad and I’m Frank and honest about his feelings. The divorce was on him completely and I’m honest with them about that which angers my ex-husband. I won’t speak to my ex-husband when I drop the kids off at his house and when he comes and speaks to me I put my hand up towards his face as a signal that I wish to never speak to him again. He didn’t have anywhere near the money that he made it sound like he would have a new marriage and his work did not provide nearly the amount of wealth that he had promised me. I see him as a liar and I see him he’s lazy. I didn’t like it when he would correct me and get up in my face that he thought I was doing wrong instead of respecting me like stepfather respected my mother. He reminded me of my mother stories about my sperm father. I had very little to do with my sperm father and I’m hoping that my kids will have very little to do with their father. It makes me mad that the courts tell me what to do and how to parent and make me make them see him. He does not deserve the kids. They deserve me.

So people tell me that I’m wrong to be honest of my children, why is this? How are we supposed to talk about divorce to the kids? Are we supposed to tell fairytale things like that we still love each other when actually I hate my ex? I do tell the kids that I’m glad that I met him or I wouldn’t have them. I remind them that it’s not their fault or mine, it’s his fault.

So how did you talk to your children about divorce if this applies to you? Do you tell them how bad their father is or do you tell lies and make him sound like a good guy?

The only person you are hurting is your kid. Regardless of whose fault - you need to learn to get along and respect each other for the sanity of your children. And grow up and talk to him. Hand to the face? Is this a joke?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP married for all the wrong reasons. I would live under a bridge with my DH because he's 'my person' and I just want to be with him. Is finacial stability nice? Of course it is, but if he didn't provide it for me then I would work hard for it. I am not afraid to hussle.

[Anonymous]

If this post is real, you are engaged in emotional abuse of your children. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trolly trolly trolly

+1. I don’t even mind the ones that are a little plausible and generate some fun discussion but come on

[Anonymous]

You need to work on your unhappiness and anger and not lay it out for your kids. There is a solid middle ground between telling the kids how much you hate their father and painting it as sunshine and rainbows.

I found it helpful to reframe the relationship post divorce. His primary role in your mind should be 'my children's father', everything else is secondary to that. When he comes up you can introduce him as 'so and so's dad' not 'my ex', just consciously make that the most important part of your relationship with him.

Please see a therapist to work on your issues and don't put it on your children.

[Anonymous]

My mom was like this. I never saw my parents in the same room after the divorce until my sister was horrifically injured and in the hospital.

What if one of your children gets married? Or graduated from school? They will have to choose which of you to invite.
You are damaging your children. I have been through this as a child. You need to get some counseling, or you’re going to be old and lonely one day.