Talking Divorce With Kids

[Anonymous]

Excuse any grammar errors, I’m translating this into my iPhone instead of typing.

So I got divorced two years ago and my kids come to me with questions about their dad and I’m Frank and honest about his feelings. The divorce was on him completely and I’m honest with them about that which angers my ex-husband. I won’t speak to my ex-husband when I drop the kids off at his house and when he comes and speaks to me I put my hand up towards his face as a signal that I wish to never speak to him again. He didn’t have anywhere near the money that he made it sound like he would have a new marriage and his work did not provide nearly the amount of wealth that he had promised me. I see him as a liar and I see him he’s lazy. I didn’t like it when he would correct me and get up in my face that he thought I was doing wrong instead of respecting me like stepfather respected my mother. He reminded me of my mother stories about my sperm father. I had very little to do with my sperm father and I’m hoping that my kids will have very little to do with their father. It makes me mad that the courts tell me what to do and how to parent and make me make them see him. He does not deserve the kids. They deserve me.

So people tell me that I’m wrong to be honest of my children, why is this? How are we supposed to talk about divorce to the kids? Are we supposed to tell fairytale things like that we still love each other when actually I hate my ex? I do tell the kids that I’m glad that I met him or I wouldn’t have them. I remind them that it’s not their fault or mine, it’s his fault.

So how did you talk to your children about divorce if this applies to you? Do you tell them how bad their father is or do you tell lies and make him sound like a good guy?

[Anonymous]

Wow! I feel bad for you Op. This much anger is so toxic and not good for you. I am not divorced but have seen a number of close girlfriends get divorced this year. They generally do start with a lot of anger but eventually remember it is in the best interest of the kids to get along and find ways to be successful co-parents.

As much as you hate your ex - he is your kids father. Their genetics are half his. How will it make them feel if you constantly talk about what a bad person he is? They also have to spend time with him. Isn't the goal for them to feel safe and secure at either house? Your 'honesty' sounds like a sure-fire recipe for anxiety.

I would also be very careful because if you are constantly displaying this much anger (in the form of 'honesty') you may eventually drive your children away.

I would really find another place to vent your anger - like therapy and do your best to make your kids feel happy and secure in your co-parenting relationship. They (and you) deserve better.

Good luck op!

[Anonymous]

He's the only father your kids will ever have. He must have had some good points for you to marry and have children with him. What are they?

[Anonymous]

The poor kids.

[Anonymous]

The kids sound better off with him than with you. I hope you are not for real.

[Anonymous]

He reminded me of my mother stories about my sperm father. I had very little to do with my sperm father and I’m hoping that my kids will have very little to do with their father. It makes me mad that the courts tell me what to do and how to parent and make me make them see him. He does not deserve the kids. They deserve me.

My mother felt the same way and prevented me from having any contact with my birth father. I am now estranged from her and I am actively trying to build a relationship with my fathers side. Don’t do this to your kid. They are human beings, not your property.

[Anonymous]

Your marital issues have nothing to do with your kids. It is not their responsibility to bear. Yes, you are wrong to trash your ex-husband to the kids. Why is this coming up so frequently? Keep a cool, neutral tone. They know you are divorced. That’s enough. You shouldn’t carry on with the narrative of how terrible he is. Your marriage is over and that is not relevant.

You do not get to decide whether your ex-husband “deserves” the kids or not. It really is that simple. You can be as bitter and angry about it as you want, but that is the deal.

[Anonymous]

You are damaging your kids and need to knock it off immediately. I really hope you are a troll.

[Anonymous]

No speaking to your ex and holding up your hand sounds psycho. You need to communicate to coparent.

If he's a lazy liar as you say, you should be glad you're divorced but you sound miserable

[Anonymous]

Wait, you divorced him because he wasn’t as rich as you thought?

[Anonymous]

You are wrong. Talk to a child psychologist.

[Anonymous]

Trolly trolly trolly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you divorced him because he wasn’t as rich as you thought?

And you can't talk to him - ever - as a result.

Please seek help.

[Anonymous]

I would probably divorce a poor man too. I can do bad all by myself. I wouldn’t talk s#!t about him though.

[Anonymous]

Op - don't ask why someone would have a different opinion on what you are doing.

Of course people have different opinions, on all kinds of things.

If you're depending on yourself, on your own judgement, then do that. And do that with confidence.