Please tell me it’s ok to switch to formula

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone that used no formula and demand nursed, use the formula. Get a chunk of sleep. Do that once a night or day based on supports.

Pump if you need to for comfort. Like hakkaa or handpump only if your boobs wake you. Take lecithin to help keep everything moving.

You’ve got this 🫶🏻

Why does it matter that you demand nursed and didn't use formula? How much of a narcissist are you? Say it with me, this is not about you and your experience is not relevant to OP's issue. Are you trying to make her feel bad? If not, why are you responding in a way that will only make her feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Formula fed kid here. I went to an Ivy. So yeah, by the test that matters to folks here, it’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone that used no formula and demand nursed, use the formula. Get a chunk of sleep. Do that once a night or day based on supports.

Pump if you need to for comfort. Like hakkaa or handpump only if your boobs wake you. Take lecithin to help keep everything moving.

You’ve got this 🫶🏻

Why does it matter that you demand nursed and didn't use formula? How much of a narcissist are you? Say it with me, this is not about you and your experience is not relevant to OP's issue. Are you trying to make her feel bad? If not, why are you responding in a way that will only make her feel bad.

It was absolutely not intended that way. I think you read that out of context. It’s an adamant please use formula to get some rest and heal message.

The addition of any personal experience was to say even someone that hadn’t use formula sees the goodness in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s totally fine to do what you need to feed baby. Think of it like medicine if you have to, you would never deprive your baby of medicine if they needed it just because other people don’t, etc. you would just be grateful we live somewhere we have safe and effective options. That’s what helped me get over the hurdle.

Since it sounds like if you could resolve a few things, you’d be interested in perhaps at least combo feeding, here are some things that saved breastfeeding for me:

-Combo feeding usually works at this stage so it doesn’t have to be all or nothing especially as long as you can put baby to your breast fairly frequently. Once your supply regulates then it might be a different story, but honestly if you need a break just get a case of ready to feed 2oz and start with that from time to time. I did and my baby is EBF at 5 months old. From there you can see how baby does with the formula and see what works. I would try to breastfeed but if after hours nothing was working and I needed a break, my husband would try a bottle (early on we had to because of weight and dehydration and we basically just offered small every three hours or so to start but breastfed in between). I did occasionally pump if it was a longer break but otherwise basically never pump. I would not pump to avoid formula, personally.

-After much research, I found the following two resources helpful and helped guide me towards what practitioners were appropriate for the issues we were experiencing. Ultimately my baby had a kind of combination of mild issues that combined to make her early feeding a nightmare. She was born super alert at 41 weeks with no jaundice so on paper it should have been a piece of cake. But she has a few (relatively mild, that I don’t want or need to seek treatment for at this point) anatomical things that were identified later that made effective feeding difficult for her. She also can’t use a pacifier, she doesn’t really want to, but she also can’t. Bottles aren’t too great either and why we abandoned combo feeding well before my supply regulated, but it’s kind of unusual for that to happen.

https://youtu.be/rbbsPjg8Y5I

https://education.possumsonline.com/sites/default/files/Gestalt%20breastfeedingJHL2017_0.pdf (I know it’s a lot to read, but if you start with the video you’ll be most of the way there, so you can delve into this one if you want)

-My baby ultimately for whatever reason as a newborn was super easily triggered into a sensitive state. She screamed for hours a day and aggressively breastfed for hours at a time (not like every hour, like for multiple hours and would wake and scream if I tried to unlatch etc) even after I worked out her latching. The only thing that could remotely calm her down was this chain breastfeeding so that plus her difficulty drinking from bottles as well made me feel like it was the best option to just keep going and luckily found a system that worked. I know people will say well she was probably starving: I did weighted feeds, etc and she got enough I guess because she continued to grow, it just wasn’t easy for her to do that and she also needed to regulate her sensory system through feeding.

Anyway, the “cross cradle” holding their neck that’s pushed works well for many but grabbing the back of my baby’s neck triggered her reflexes or her sensitivities or something and she would fight and freak out. So early on that was a huge issue and I found a lactation consultants who helped with that and basically early on I laid her on a small throw pillow on my lap and then gently kinda rolled her toward my nipple so nothing was grabbing her (similar to the video but I used a pillow). For this technique I’ve also seen some people used a thin pad or their bassinet pad so they could try to lay baby down safely later but my baby also didn’t lay down at all for weeks, that’s another story maybe. My baby’s latch was atrocious “on paper” but when I got her positioned naturally and kind of let her do what she needed, it was way less painful and did kinda “adjust” like the second resource says.

It’s a lot to write and I almost feel bad about that, idk, I just know it was a nightmare for me at one week so whatever you do just take care of yourself, you can’t pour from an empty cup. But I hope this could help at all or even if it just seems like “okay that’s too much that’s crazy” maybe it can cement the decision to try formula. There are many safe options out there, your child will thrive with your love and care. But I felt like maybe it could help someone if they possibly want to give something a last try or just combo feed a little longer since I just kept getting the same advice that didn’t really work. And also I think it’s presented as all or nothing early on when combo feeding is at least potentially gonna work out (I don’t want to overstate anything because I haven’t done clinical research or whatever). Also my baby became way easier at 3 months old and by 4 months had basically stopped the crying completely and much more efficient at eating. So if that just gives you a light at the end of the tunnel either way.

This is really great. Especially appreciate the bit about reflexes. It puts a few things into context for me (not op)

Thank you for your thoughtful and thorough post b

[Anonymous]

Don’t believe that Kellymom crap about how introducing even a drop of formula will ruin your BFing relationship. Both my kids got combo fed their first few weeks due to weight gain concerns and my supply slow to come in. I went on to EBF for the following 9-10 months after that.

Or if you want to switch completely, do so without an oz of guilt. There are higher priority things than breastmilk like… sleep, sanity, your toddler not feeling abandoned. (Omg my older child still guilt-trips me about my two days in the hospital delivering her sister during Covid when she couldn’t visit)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone that used no formula and demand nursed, use the formula. Get a chunk of sleep. Do that once a night or day based on supports.

Pump if you need to for comfort. Like hakkaa or handpump only if your boobs wake you. Take lecithin to help keep everything moving.

You’ve got this 🫶🏻

Why does it matter that you demand nursed and didn't use formula? How much of a narcissist are you? Say it with me, this is not about you and your experience is not relevant to OP's issue. Are you trying to make her feel bad? If not, why are you responding in a way that will only make her feel bad.

+100

[Anonymous]

Op, yes it's more than OK.

It's sad that any mom might think it isn't ok.

[Anonymous]

Totally fine. I have 2 beautiful, smart, healthy sometimes pain in my ass daughters, age 14 and 10, both had formula and a little breatmilk.

[Anonymous]

It’s not all or nothing. I combo fed from birth by choice despite having an oversupply. You could (should!) introduce formula tomorrow, space out breastfeeds a bit and quickly but naturally diminish your supply. That way you can get some breaks from breastfeeding to sleep and not be chewed on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not all or nothing. I combo fed from birth by choice despite having an oversupply. You could (should!) introduce formula tomorrow, space out breastfeeds a bit and quickly but naturally diminish your supply. That way you can get some breaks from breastfeeding to sleep and not be chewed on.

This is true, and I combo fed for a while, but it truthfully made things much easier to go fully to formula. BF + formula adds time and hassle, in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone that used no formula and demand nursed, use the formula. Get a chunk of sleep. Do that once a night or day based on supports.

Pump if you need to for comfort. Like hakkaa or handpump only if your boobs wake you. Take lecithin to help keep everything moving.

You’ve got this 🫶🏻

Why does it matter that you demand nursed and didn't use formula? How much of a narcissist are you? Say it with me, this is not about you and your experience is not relevant to OP's issue. Are you trying to make her feel bad? If not, why are you responding in a way that will only make her feel bad.

I switched to formula after dealing with all the breastfeeding pressure myself—this message would not have made me feel bad during that time. I read it as someone, for whom breastfeeding was presumably pretty pleasant and important, affirming from their standpoint formula is still a great option.

[Anonymous]

Like the PP above, I was also 100% formula-fed and went to an Ivy, as well as a top 10 grad school in a traditionally prestigious field, if that is important to you.

In my DC’s case, we had AMA, IVF, emergency C-section, and premature birth as complicating factors, but when the milk didn’t come in, I didn’t want to accept how stacked the cards were against me. My recovery was very difficult and forcing myself to stay tethered to the hospital-grade rental pump for 3.5 months didn’t help. One absolute shining maximum peak production day, I pumped a 90ml bottle in a day. Yes, I pumped around the clock, optimized my diet, hired LCs, hand expressed before and after, etc etc etc. After finally throwing in the towel, I grieved losing that very special bonding time w my DC (we had latching issues too, but when it worked, it was golden and wonderful), but quitting with breastfeeding completely was so freeing and restorative. I found a European formula that is right for my preferences. My warrior NICU graduate is an awesome sleeper and has been in the 97th percentile for height and hitting most “milestones” early since about 7 or 8 months, if that is important to you. Formula (as well as basically being incapacitated during the first few weeks at home) turned out to be an unexpected blessing, as it has organically created an equal partner of my DH as far as childcare goes. I fit back into most of my clothes.

I understand how you feel - I’ve felt subtle judgment from and/or a patronizing tone from the outside world about not breastfeeding. But every situation is different, and it’s not all black-and-white BF=good & FF=bad. I’m not saying there aren’t benefits to breastfeeding, but there are different benefits to formula-feeding that are just as valuable, if not more, especially if you’re struggling as much as you are. If you make the switch, I hope you’ll feel *less* guilty and downright proud of the fact that you made the choice to be better rested (relatively-speaking!), healthier, stronger, and more mentally present than maybe you feel right now. The fact that you’ve been grappling with this so much that you’re asking for support on this forum (knowing you’re opening yourself up to mean, anonymous criticism) shows that however you decide to feed, you’re a great Mom who will put your kid’s needs first.

[Anonymous]

Breastfeeding, combo feeding, and formula are all great options. All have different benefits, just find the right option for you and your family.

I get the guilt that comes from all the judgement on this topic—but try to focus on all the good things formula is likely to bring: 1) a happy, full baby, 2) a more rested you, and 3) more time for your partner to bond with baby during feedings. These are all terrific outcomes.

You got this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop and get some rest.
Your health and well being are important to the health of your baby.

THIS.

Formula is incredible. Please use some. Cuddle your baby and relaxed yourself.

[Anonymous]

Switch to formula! That pain is not worth it. Not even a little bit.