Please tell me it’s ok to switch to formula

[Anonymous]

Baby was born last week. He latched right away and my supply is fine so far. It’s been super painful, though. I developed bruising and blisters within the first 12 hours. It was excruciating until I started using nipple shields, now it’s still very painful but bearable.

Two lactation consultants have told me his latch looks good and suggested that I get him checked for tongue tie. Pediatrician didn’t detect one. So basically, no one really knows why he’s continuing to feed in a way that feels like every single suck is a chomp on my nipple. No one can tell me if/how/when this will get better.

I breastfed my first for over a year. I also had a TON of pain in the first 8 weeks or so. The advice I got then was basically to tough it out, sometimes it just hurts until they get older. This turned out to be true, but even after the pain subsided, I struggled with mastitis, clogs, and generally with how hard it is to be the only one who can feed baby unless you plan it out and pump in advance.

Last night baby cluster fed every hour for 5 hours and it almost broke me. He’s on the smaller side, so he’s been eating a lot more often than my first did. Lactation consultants confirmed that he’s getting enough at each feed. I haven’t slept more than an hour or two at once since baby was born. I can’t interact with my toddler as much as my husband does because I’m always nursing the baby.

I guess I could pump, but then I’m spending even more time on feeding.

In spite of all this, it feels so wrong to throw in the towel so soon. My supply is great. If my first is any indication, this will get better in 6-8 weeks, so I feel like I should just tough it out. But I don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Fed is best. Your health (physical and mental) is important too. But it also does not have to be one or the other - you can supplement with formula, and breastfeed or pump as much (or as little) as you feel able to for now if you want to see if it gets better.

[Anonymous]

You're doing great. This is SUCH a hard time. I had great supply for all three of my babies and I didn't use formula until the youngest was over 6 months. In short, that was a mistake! Why did I stress SO MUCH over feeding/pumping when formula is RIGHT THERE?? If you want to use formula to give yourself a much-needed break, do it and do it WITH CONFIDENCE. Your baby will be fine.

[Anonymous]

As someone that used no formula and demand nursed, use the formula. Get a chunk of sleep. Do that once a night or day based on supports.

Pump if you need to for comfort. Like hakkaa or handpump only if your boobs wake you. Take lecithin to help keep everything moving.

You’ve got this 🫶🏻

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone that used no formula and demand nursed, use the formula. Get a chunk of sleep. Do that once a night or day based on supports.

Pump if you need to for comfort. Like hakkaa or handpump only if your boobs wake you. Take lecithin to help keep everything moving.

You’ve got this 🫶🏻

Adding my baby had a really small mouth and was very chompy until she grew a bit. The formula will really help your nipples get a little bit of a break too.

[Anonymous]

You have my permission. If you have a toddler you know there is no metal or prize for breastfeeding for a certain period of time. If you're not ready to give it up then put some limits to give yourself a break. Give formula for one of the night feedings so you can sleep. Or stop breast feeding after a certain point if your baby is cluster feeding in the evenings. You can also tell yourself you will give it one more week and if things don't improve you will stop. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

[Anonymous]

OMG definitely switch to formula! You're in pain!

I will say that I know probably a half a dozen women who wish they had switched to formula sooner, and regret having tried to stick it out with nursing as long as they did. I know exactly zero who regret switching to formula too quickly.

If the reason you're considering formula is essentially a lack of support (too short maternity leave, no pumping time, can't afford a good pump, can't afford a lactation consultant, etc) than yeah, society should try and help you. But that's not your issue. It's not a good baby/boob combo. It happens. Switch and get some sleep.

You could also combo feed for a while if you prefer, it doesn't have to be black and white.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you can switch to formula. Happy mother, happy baby.

[Anonymous]

Please stop and get some rest.
Your health and well being are important to the health of your baby.

[Anonymous]

Lots of good wisdom here. Do whatever is best for your family, which includes baby, you, and your other child. If that's formula, then that's great! At the very least, please give that baby a big ol' bottle of formula when the cluster feeding kicks in.

[Anonymous]

You said you don’t want to. That is reason enough to stop. Try to not feel guilty - your baby will be healthy and likely happier with a happier mom!

[Anonymous]

It’s totally fine to do what you need to feed baby. Think of it like medicine if you have to, you would never deprive your baby of medicine if they needed it just because other people don’t, etc. you would just be grateful we live somewhere we have safe and effective options. That’s what helped me get over the hurdle.

Since it sounds like if you could resolve a few things, you’d be interested in perhaps at least combo feeding, here are some things that saved breastfeeding for me:

-Combo feeding usually works at this stage so it doesn’t have to be all or nothing especially as long as you can put baby to your breast fairly frequently. Once your supply regulates then it might be a different story, but honestly if you need a break just get a case of ready to feed 2oz and start with that from time to time. I did and my baby is EBF at 5 months old. From there you can see how baby does with the formula and see what works. I would try to breastfeed but if after hours nothing was working and I needed a break, my husband would try a bottle (early on we had to because of weight and dehydration and we basically just offered small every three hours or so to start but breastfed in between). I did occasionally pump if it was a longer break but otherwise basically never pump. I would not pump to avoid formula, personally.

-After much research, I found the following two resources helpful and helped guide me towards what practitioners were appropriate for the issues we were experiencing. Ultimately my baby had a kind of combination of mild issues that combined to make her early feeding a nightmare. She was born super alert at 41 weeks with no jaundice so on paper it should have been a piece of cake. But she has a few (relatively mild, that I don’t want or need to seek treatment for at this point) anatomical things that were identified later that made effective feeding difficult for her. She also can’t use a pacifier, she doesn’t really want to, but she also can’t. Bottles aren’t too great either and why we abandoned combo feeding well before my supply regulated, but it’s kind of unusual for that to happen.

https://youtu.be/rbbsPjg8Y5I

https://education.possumsonline.com/sites/default/files/Gestalt%20breastfeedingJHL2017_0.pdf (I know it’s a lot to read, but if you start with the video you’ll be most of the way there, so you can delve into this one if you want)

-My baby ultimately for whatever reason as a newborn was super easily triggered into a sensitive state. She screamed for hours a day and aggressively breastfed for hours at a time (not like every hour, like for multiple hours and would wake and scream if I tried to unlatch etc) even after I worked out her latching. The only thing that could remotely calm her down was this chain breastfeeding so that plus her difficulty drinking from bottles as well made me feel like it was the best option to just keep going and luckily found a system that worked. I know people will say well she was probably starving: I did weighted feeds, etc and she got enough I guess because she continued to grow, it just wasn’t easy for her to do that and she also needed to regulate her sensory system through feeding.

Anyway, the “cross cradle” holding their neck that’s pushed works well for many but grabbing the back of my baby’s neck triggered her reflexes or her sensitivities or something and she would fight and freak out. So early on that was a huge issue and I found a lactation consultants who helped with that and basically early on I laid her on a small throw pillow on my lap and then gently kinda rolled her toward my nipple so nothing was grabbing her (similar to the video but I used a pillow). For this technique I’ve also seen some people used a thin pad or their bassinet pad so they could try to lay baby down safely later but my baby also didn’t lay down at all for weeks, that’s another story maybe. My baby’s latch was atrocious “on paper” but when I got her positioned naturally and kind of let her do what she needed, it was way less painful and did kinda “adjust” like the second resource says.

It’s a lot to write and I almost feel bad about that, idk, I just know it was a nightmare for me at one week so whatever you do just take care of yourself, you can’t pour from an empty cup. But I hope this could help at all or even if it just seems like “okay that’s too much that’s crazy” maybe it can cement the decision to try formula. There are many safe options out there, your child will thrive with your love and care. But I felt like maybe it could help someone if they possibly want to give something a last try or just combo feed a little longer since I just kept getting the same advice that didn’t really work. And also I think it’s presented as all or nothing early on when combo feeding is at least potentially gonna work out (I don’t want to overstate anything because I haven’t done clinical research or whatever). Also my baby became way easier at 3 months old and by 4 months had basically stopped the crying completely and much more efficient at eating. So if that just gives you a light at the end of the tunnel either way.

[Anonymous]

The sooner you switch, the better you'll feel.

[Anonymous]

Switch! When I did, I became super a happier person and my whole family benefited. A mom’s mental and physical well-being is critical!

[Anonymous]

It's absolutely okay. Formula was awesome for my life, my sleep needs and my relationship with my baby. Made my life 100% better. Without it I would have been sleep-deprived and resentful.