“We're a family here".. What are the most common manipulative phrases used in your workplace?

[Anonymous]

My workplace has recently fixated on psychological safety. Feels real safe with known bullies in upper management.

[Anonymous]

"Hit the ground running" = no training and we'll blame you when you mess up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

I hate this. I hate sharing my personal information. I hate icebreakers during all hands meetings. I'm not going to tell you what movie I think I should star in, Brenda. Leave me alone. Can we just get to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

This is a weird, unhealthy way to think.

+1
It’s getting to the point where you can’t even ask someone how they are without someone assigning some ulterior motive or negativity to the comment. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

My supervisor will say I'm "living the dream." I'm like, no I actually went to school for years to be able to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

This is a weird, unhealthy way to think.

NP
Ha!
I was on the other side of a cubicle when an interviewer and hiring manager were discussing an interviewee.
They were talking about various things he had revealed in small talk that would allow them to lower his salary offer (age of his kids, whether he was stuck in this area because his parents were older, wife's work status, etc. I felt nauseous overhearing.
If higher ups are "shooting the breeze " with you, watch what you say, some will use it against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

I genuinely like getting to know my coworkers and I actually like talking about these things. I do feel a sense of camaraderie but they’ve been really wonderful and supportive people to work with. I’m not really a big talker or question asker but it doesn’t bother me at all when these questions are posed. I have heard this complaint on tiktok etc before though.

[Anonymous]

"The new employee you hired is untrainable. I don't know where you found him but he's going to kill someone if you keep him on (healthcare) and I will feel responsible as his trainer."
And like clockwork "With a little extra training and your special mentorship he's going to be one of our most valuable team members"
I've heard this probably ten times. They ALWAYS end up getting fired for something like sleeping on the job or coming in high. Why don't they trust my judgment? Why are you wasting my time and energy on babysitting an idiot? I always make sure to compliment the actually smart new hires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

I hate this. I hate sharing my personal information. I hate icebreakers during all hands meetings. I'm not going to tell you what movie I think I should star in, Brenda. Leave me alone. Can we just get to work?

Hahaha I don’t mind the general small talk but I’m 100% behind you on ice breakers.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your flexibility.

[Anonymous]

"We default to trust"
"I [CEO] am open to all feedback"
Core value: honesty

Sure, until someone says something you don't like and then you freeze them out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

This is a weird, unhealthy way to think.

+1
It’s getting to the point where you can’t even ask someone how they are without someone assigning some ulterior motive or negativity to the comment. Ridiculous.

Right, it says more about the person who’s neurotic over it than anything else. Like, if you insist that anyone making small talk is trying to sabotage you, it makes me think you’re the one willing to use other people’s personal details against them if given the opportunity. Most people do not think that way.

Also, let’s be honest, people who are super distant at work are less likely to be thought of positively and less likely to be given opportunities. You don’t need to overshare, but being standoffish and cagey won’t win you any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

This is a weird, unhealthy way to think.

+1
It’s getting to the point where you can’t even ask someone how they are without someone assigning some ulterior motive or negativity to the comment. Ridiculous.

Lmao at your small brain jumping immediately to the slippery slope fallacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

This is a weird, unhealthy way to think.

+1
It’s getting to the point where you can’t even ask someone how they are without someone assigning some ulterior motive or negativity to the comment. Ridiculous.

Lmao at your small brain jumping immediately to the slippery slope fallacy.

It’s not the slippery slope fallacy. PP is already doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you do last weekend? Tell me about your vacation. What did you do on your day off? What's your kids/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend's name? Where do you live? etc.


Any prying questions about family or how you spent your personal time are manipulative imo because they're meant to create a fake sense of camaraderie. That goes double if it's coming from a higher up.

This is a weird, unhealthy way to think.

At the least I’d say it creates a double bind for employers who are trying to foster a sense of connection among a dispersed workforce. Research shows that connection is important to engagement and happiness at work. So it’s a real double bind.