is it kind of rude to NOT say no presents at a bday?

[Anonymous]

My kids like getting gifts, so I don’t write “no gifts” on their party invites. I also don’t care if some people don’t bring them; we are not keeping track except to write personalized thank yous. When we are invited to a party, I being a gift unless it’s requested not to, because I respect the decision of the family inviting us. Don’t judge others, and assume you’re not being judged - both will make your life happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It’s actually rude to mention gifts on an invitation.

Please stop repeating this. Manners and social norms evolve.

Op, it totally depends on your crowd. In our neighborhood group where all the kids and siblings go to each other's parties, there are just two families out of about 20 who didn't write "no gifts" on their invitations over the last few years. I don't think that was rude, but because it was outside the norm there was a little grumbling among parents at drop off about how they had to do a last minute gift run because they didn't notice that earlier that the invitation was missing the "no gifts" line.

Officially the grumblers were the rude ones, of course, but nonetheless it happened and tbh it was annoying to have to make a trip to get gifts when it wasn't the norm.

One of the two families made a big deal about how they would donate some of the gifts which was also a little weird, but that's another story.

This. In MY neighborhood/community, we haven't attended a single no gifts party since my son turned around 4. He's 8. Some parents put the kid's sizes on the invitation. I'm sure DCUM parents would go apoplectic at that, but it's fairly normal in our neighborhood.

Amusingly, we lived in a different neighborhood prior to his 4th birthday and that community was much wealthier. ALL of those parties were no gifts parties. There's some correlation errors there because younger kids are more likely to have no gifts parties, I think, but I know those families still have no gift parties.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s “rude” but be prepared for some kids to not come who you may want to be there if they need to bring a gift. If you say no gifts then it’s much easier (and cheaper) for people and you will have a better response. Personally I’d only go to a gift party if it’s one of my kids very best friends. Otherwise just not worth the stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s “rude” but be prepared for some kids to not come who you may want to be there if they need to bring a gift. If you say no gifts then it’s much easier (and cheaper) for people and you will have a better response. Personally I’d only go to a gift party if it’s one of my kids very best friends. Otherwise just not worth the stress.

Growing up as the scholarship kid having to turn down invitations because there wasn't room in the budget for a gift or feeling self conscious because when I could bring gifts they were from the thrift store or garage sales or homemade, has made me extra sensitive to this.

[Anonymous]

Nothing rude about it! It's normal for kids to want presents and be excited about them. Not everyone has a huge extended family buying them stuff either. my DS likes picking out things for his friends based on their interests. There are a lot of inexpensive options and ppl can decide how much to spend.

I wouldn't think twice about it! It's his day and your party.

[Anonymous]

I think I'm in the minority but at this point, considering the predominance of "no gifts" on invitations, I've raised an eyebrow at the rare invite that doesn't say it. I feel like I can recognize that this is kind of grumpy given that presents were a given at parties when I was a kid. I can also acknowledge that it's kind of crappily judgmental.

Now I do agree that it's really location/group dependent; the eyebrow has been in private school and very affluent public school settings where I know the kid receives plenty of gifts from family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Presents on birthdays are an important part of our culture. Don't give in to the people who are trying to break every single tradition we have. Next we'll be asked to forgo cake and ice cream.

Be strong, people! Give presents to children at birthday parties!!!

I was under the impression that "cake and ice cream" were already foregone in favor of hummus, crudites, non-dairy, and gluten free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm in the minority but at this point, considering the predominance of "no gifts" on invitations, I've raised an eyebrow at the rare invite that doesn't say it. I feel like I can recognize that this is kind of grumpy given that presents were a given at parties when I was a kid. I can also acknowledge that it's kind of crappily judgmental.

Now I do agree that it's really location/group dependent; the eyebrow has been in private school and very affluent public school settings where I know the kid receives plenty of gifts from family.

But the etiquette actually is that gifts should never be mentioned on a social invitation. So you are surprised people....are following the rules of etiquette?

[Anonymous]

It's rude to say anything. Let the parent decide if they want to give a gift or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s “rude” but be prepared for some kids to not come who you may want to be there if they need to bring a gift. If you say no gifts then it’s much easier (and cheaper) for people and you will have a better response. Personally I’d only go to a gift party if it’s one of my kids very best friends. Otherwise just not worth the stress.

Growing up as the scholarship kid having to turn down invitations because there wasn't room in the budget for a gift or feeling self conscious because when I could bring gifts they were from the thrift store or garage sales or homemade, has made me extra sensitive to this.

Me too. I think most people on DCUM have absolutely no idea what this is like.

[Anonymous]

That's pretty heartbreaking to read some kids wouldn't go for gifting cost strains! I am just happy to have one less thing to worry about when we get no gifts invites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s “rude” but be prepared for some kids to not come who you may want to be there if they need to bring a gift. If you say no gifts then it’s much easier (and cheaper) for people and you will have a better response. Personally I’d only go to a gift party if it’s one of my kids very best friends. Otherwise just not worth the stress.

Growing up as the scholarship kid having to turn down invitations because there wasn't room in the budget for a gift or feeling self conscious because when I could bring gifts they were from the thrift store or garage sales or homemade, has made me extra sensitive to this.

You could have gone to public like the rest of us. We've gotten great gifts from even the dollar store, so this is just an excuse. A present isn't mandatory, its a choice.

[Anonymous]

Have an Amazon and Target wishlist ready. DO NOT SEND IT INLESS ASKED THOUGH. It’s a way to get less junk and more if what your kid wants/needs if people ask you for ideas. I am a person who always asks for ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just follow what’s written on the invitation. If it says no gifts we just bring a card. Otherwise we bring something. I don’t judge what the parents want to do.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s “rude” but be prepared for some kids to not come who you may want to be there if they need to bring a gift. If you say no gifts then it’s much easier (and cheaper) for people and you will have a better response. Personally I’d only go to a gift party if it’s one of my kids very best friends. Otherwise just not worth the stress.

Growing up as the scholarship kid having to turn down invitations because there wasn't room in the budget for a gift or feeling self conscious because when I could bring gifts they were from the thrift store or garage sales or homemade, has made me extra sensitive to this.

You could have gone to public like the rest of us. We've gotten great gifts from even the dollar store, so this is just an excuse. A present isn't mandatory, its a choice.

What the heck immediate PP?