I worry so much about my 13 year old DS

[Anonymous]

11 yo DD is like this, no cognitive issues that I am aware of!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the dentist, ask them to explain the consequences of poor oral hygiene. And yes I think it will all get better. His brain is only halfway to maturity.

Oh, please.

You don't have a teenage son, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 13 and does not have ADHD and 100 percent self manages all school work and gets As and has activities he really cares about and does well in with zero supervision….and still I relate to a lot of your post.

My point in saying this is some of this is being 13. They are contrary, oppositional, pushing boundaries, and in the end trying to assert independence in so many ways. My son lies about brushing his teeth, leaves his room a mess, eats snacks constantly, won’t brush his hair, and on and on.

I don’t have advice really. I do think they need to experience consequences. So I try to let a lot of it go and pick battles.

DP here. I have a smart neurotypical kid and I have similar struggles. I was just thinking I can’t believe I still have to nag my kid to brush his teeth. He often falls asleep listening to music. I have to say everything multiple times, often yelling. This is not a fun age.

[Anonymous]

It's very normal at this age. Stay on top of him and give consequences.

[Anonymous]

Stop micromanaging and give him more substantial responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop micromanaging and give him more substantial responsibilities.

There's an element of truth to this.

Kids will rise (or sink) to expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He hasnt matured. Wait until he likes someone romantically. His hygiene will improve dramatically.

lol! Just thinking the same thing. This is how you will know he's interested in someone. Teeth are brushed, hair looks great, etc.

He sounds like a normal 13-year-old boy to me. They are not known for their social graces or work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Be in charge of him. Don't give him as much freedom as a responsible kid his age. Instead of debating whether the toothbrush is dry, just say, "Please brush you teeth." When he says he already did, repeat, "Please brush your teeth." He knows he's lying.

[Anonymous]

I just want to pipe in to say that when I was 11/12/13 I would fake shower and fake brush my teeth 😂

I think it’s a common phase? My mother never asked whether I showered or brushed my teeth. I knew I was supposed to and sometimes I did, and other times I didn’t. Anyway, I wouldn’t use those points as an indicator of future success!! Small potatoes, trust me

[Anonymous]

I'll give you some hope. About 2 weeks ago, DS (12, ADHD/Anxiety/ASD) tells me not to come out of my room. Now, we all know that nothing good comes after that statement so I'm bracing myself. He comes to get me and asks me to go downstairs. It's 9:30 and I really want to go to bed but I need to see what has happened.


All the shoes were in the shoe rack, the items on the stairs had been put away, the blankets on the couch were folded, the kitchen counter had been cleared, the dog toys were put away, and the various jackets/hoodies had been hung up. I was speechless. Then he says....listen, do you hear it.....and he points to the dishwasher which was running.

It hasn't happened again but I now know he's capable of it. I have to believe they observe and learn more than we think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll give you some hope. About 2 weeks ago, DS (12, ADHD/Anxiety/ASD) tells me not to come out of my room. Now, we all know that nothing good comes after that statement so I'm bracing myself. He comes to get me and asks me to go downstairs. It's 9:30 and I really want to go to bed but I need to see what has happened.


All the shoes were in the shoe rack, the items on the stairs had been put away, the blankets on the couch were folded, the kitchen counter had been cleared, the dog toys were put away, and the various jackets/hoodies had been hung up. I was speechless. Then he says....listen, do you hear it.....and he points to the dishwasher which was running.

It hasn't happened again but I now know he's capable of it. I have to believe they observe and learn more than we think.

I love this SO much.

I could have written every word of OPs post about my 11 year old DS w/ADHD and anxiety, especially the tooth brushing game! Infuriating that he will dig in his heels and take more time arguing he has done something he hasn't done than it would take to juuust DO IT. Ugh!! He really does sound so much like your son...I hope we can all get through it. Even with so many supports in place, I do worry about the teen years. My upside is he is hands-down my sweetest, snuggliest, most perceptive kid. When he's not driving me insane he's glued to my side, asking me about my day, wondering how everyone in the family is doing. I know he has a great heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to the dentist, ask them to explain the consequences of poor oral hygiene. And yes I think it will all get better. His brain is only halfway to maturity.

Oh, please.

You don't have a teenage son, do you?

My dentist scared me into flossing when I was a kid. It worked.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is harsh but why are you saying he likes to seem intelligent by sprouting off obscure facts - as though this is some sort of ruse? He knows the facts - it doesn't seem like a ploy. Maybe you're more frustrated with him than you realize because he is a more difficult child, and need to take a step back. A gross 13 year old, no matter how unpleasant, is not that much out of the normal and maybe pick your battles or make your husband take up the hygiene battle.

[Anonymous]

This is my 9 year old. We are just exploring a new therapist and possibly medication. I could have written this post.

OP when you say his ADHD is treated so you men medication?

[Anonymous]

OP, he will get better. I promise. In the meantime I highly recommend you look into a behavioral therapy approach. You can put together a plan with a professional for daily routines such as tooth brushing. It's hard to explain here, but basically you won't have your kid in extensive behavioral therapy or anything, just YOU adults will learn how to approach such issues in a more organized way and you will take many of these conflicts out of your life. My autistic son used to completely resist any kinds of grooming because he didn't like the way water felt on his skin, toothpaste is too strong, etc. ABA (applied behavioral analysis) really really helped! I'm not going to say we don't have discussions about the merits of deodorant on a regular basis still (at age 21), but he has gotten so much more automatic and it really works!