6th grader with friends and good grades really dislikes school/doesn't want to go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible she's being harassed by someone in her homeroom and just doesn't want to tell you, even if she usually has no problem sharing things? Crying at night and in the morning seems a little extreme just because she doesn't want to read all day.

Agree with this 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible she's being harassed by someone in her homeroom and just doesn't want to tell you, even if she usually has no problem sharing things? Crying at night and in the morning seems a little extreme just because she doesn't want to read all day.

Agree with this 100%.

OP here. Ok, so then what? She says she isn't so what do I do?

[Anonymous]

You need to wake the f up

[Anonymous]

We had this issue with my youngest DS. Same thing - he was complaining school was boring.

It turns out there were some girls bullying him. He was struggling because he knew he couldn’t retaliate. School admin handled it and there have been no issues since.

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if she just isn't fitting in with the kids. Middle school is a time when a lot of the kids (girls especially) mature very quickly. Some start obsessing over boys, hair, makeup and the girls who are less mature/not interested in this stuff feel left behind, even if they have a group of friends. This happened to my daughter. In 7th grade she complained about how boring school was and begged me to home school her (did not happen) because even though she had people to sit with, got invited to birthday parties, etc. she just didn't fit in maturity-wise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if she just isn't fitting in with the kids. Middle school is a time when a lot of the kids (girls especially) mature very quickly. Some start obsessing over boys, hair, makeup and the girls who are less mature/not interested in this stuff feel left behind, even if they have a group of friends. This happened to my daughter. In 7th grade she complained about how boring school was and begged me to home school her (did not happen) because even though she had people to sit with, got invited to birthday parties, etc. she just didn't fit in maturity-wise

Imo sjes more mature. I don't think it's great when kids that young start obsessing over things like that. Even in 7th grade, too young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to wake the f up

AND DO WHAT? You are not helpful and just mean.

[Anonymous]

Why not talk to the guidance counselor to get her ideas? She can ask your DD’s teachers if she is engaged in class, works well in group projects and if she is happy in class. The crying thing means something isn’t right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not talk to the guidance counselor to get her ideas? She can ask your DD’s teachers if she is engaged in class, works well in group projects and if she is happy in class. The crying thing means something isn’t right.

This is a good idea.
Also try to keep a log in case cyclical hormones are related in when it's better or worse.

[Anonymous]

OP: There are definitely things you can do here...

- Talk to school counselor/teachers and ask for their perspective, share with them what is going on and ask for help.
- Have your kid shadow at parish school to see if that would be a better option
- Get a therapist for your kid and/or coach for you and get professional advice how to handle this.
- Could it be anxiety? If so, read up on how to parent an anxious child. "I know this is hard for you, but I also know you can do it."

It's possible it's a phase and she will have a better year next year, but it's also possible she is headed toward school refusal, which is a big problem and hard to solve. Best to dig in now and figure out what is going on. There is usually a good reason why kids hate school.

Signed,
Parent of school refuser (BTDT)

[Anonymous]

Parent of another school refuser here.

Maybe she just hated school. A lot of people do. I hated it but knew I had to go so I did. I didn’t enjoy classes and just wanted to get it over with.

One of my kids was a lot like me and it escalated in high school to refusal. We tried a lot of therapy and getting him involved in various things at school. What helped was getting court involved for truancy and being mandated to go after going before a judge. Then he took it seriously.

We have offered to let him go virtually, but only after he gets involved in something else regularly and gets a job. He has to see other people and is a pretty social kid. He just hates school. We have been in contact with his school counselor at all times, every year, to keep them updated when he’s been refusing or court mandated. The school had been very supportive.

Your daughter is nowhere near this. I wouldn’t talk about it so much. Be matter of fact, you need to go because it’s the law. BUT if she’s dreading it so much she’s crying, you need to speak to her school counselor and find a therapist. Something else is going on.

[Anonymous]

^ and I agree, there is usually other reasons. My son doesn’t like sitting in classes all day and finds no value in learning things he can’t apply. He doesn’t care about college so grades are not motivating.

[Anonymous]

OP, open your eyes here. Your child is being bullied but is not able to be honest with you about it. Ask how school is going. Ask if all their friends are treating them well. No judgment, just listen. You child needs you right now to listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, open your eyes here. Your child is being bullied but is not able to be honest with you about it. Ask how school is going. Ask if all their friends are treating them well. No judgment, just listen. You child needs you right now to listen.

I do and I am. She had an issue in 5th grade, told us and we addressed it with the school then. She knows we are on her side and is definitely not afraid to tell us stuff. I have asked her repeatedly and she insists its not something specific happening at school.

Thanks to the other helpful suggestions. I will loop in the counselor.

[Anonymous]

Are you in LCPS?