6th grader with friends and good grades really dislikes school/doesn't want to go

[Anonymous]

6th grade is first year of middle school for us. 5th grade was pretty rough too socially but she didn't seem to mind the school part. Now, she just doesn't want to go at all. She's compliant so she doesn't flat out refuse, but she begs to stay home and often cries the night before or even in the morning about going to school. She has made a new group of friends this year that went to a different elementary school and so far they seem really nice and a lot healthier than her friends at her elementary school (who are at this middle school too.) She swears that nothing "happened" and she's not the type to keep things to herself - she is an over-sharer. She just says school is boring. The blocks are really long (80 minutes, A/B day schedule) and she particularly hates homeroom (20 minutes) and study hall (40 minutes) because she has nothing to do. She does like reading but doesn't want to just sit a school reading all day.

Has anyone dealt with this? I don't know what to do - its really hard to see how upset she is each night thinking about going to school the next day. Our county still offers a virtual option and I've offered that to her for 7th grade but she says that would be "worse" (I agree) but I just wanted her to know it was an option in case something was happening that she didn't want to tell me.

She has straight A's. She's perfectly happy and does not seem depressed when she is not at school. She sees her friends outside of school and enjoys it and looks forward to it. Summer she is like a different person - just totally happy and not stressed or depressed at all.

Has anyone experienced this? I don't know how to help her or make this better.

My older daughter doesn't love school either, but its never been anything like this.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible to change schools? Clearly she's not getting fulfillment at the school for some reason and if she's getting straight A's and telling you she's bored, she likely needs a more challenging environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible to change schools? Clearly she's not getting fulfillment at the school for some reason and if she's getting straight A's and telling you she's bored, she likely needs a more challenging environment.

OP here. Not really. We could move her to a different public in our district but I don't think it would help with the boredom since the curriculum is basically the same. The only private we could afford is the local parochial Catholic but its small and those kids have been together since K and she would be entering in 7th grade. She's slow to make friends and very sensitive so I feel that could end up a social disaster.

There is an enrichment class during study hall but its for "gifted" students only. We are reapplying for her this year, but she wasn't selected in elementary so I'm not optimistic. She will start taking foreign language next year and a harder math class so maybe that will help? I just don't see how any of us can deal with this for 6 more years!!

[Anonymous]

I posted a few weeks ago about my 7th grader experiencing the exact same. She also has a block schedule. I’m keeping my daughter where she is as I really like her school and our small district. I don’t have any solutions. For us, virtual would be out of the question, as that’s completely isolating. I am just hoping next year she has better teachers and a better mix of friends in her classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few weeks ago about my 7th grader experiencing the exact same. She also has a block schedule. I’m keeping my daughter where she is as I really like her school and our small district. I don’t have any solutions. For us, virtual would be out of the question, as that’s completely isolating. I am just hoping next year she has better teachers and a better mix of friends in her classes.

OP here. I think I remember your post and thanks for responding. You are probably right that there isn't much I can do. Sometimes the hardest thing is doing nothing. Its so hard to watch. I have to keep telling her and me that the year is almost 3/4 over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few weeks ago about my 7th grader experiencing the exact same. She also has a block schedule. I’m keeping my daughter where she is as I really like her school and our small district. I don’t have any solutions. For us, virtual would be out of the question, as that’s completely isolating. I am just hoping next year she has better teachers and a better mix of friends in her classes.

OP again. Have you mentioned anything to her school or her counselor? I haven't yet because DD doesn't want me to but I've debated contacting the counselor in secret just to give her a heads up what is going on. I'm not sure if it would do any good this year, but I was wondering if it could help with her schedule for next year - having a few classes with friends, getting a warmer teacher or two. I don't know.

[Anonymous]

I doubt it’s the fact she’s bored give me a break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it’s the fact she’s bored give me a break

OP here. I'm not saying "she's such a genius, she's so bored." I'm saying the school day is just boring. I actually think its more the amount of downtime in the day (the homeroom, the study hall, the free time at the end of every block) that is boring, not the class content itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it’s the fact she’s bored give me a break

OP here. I'm not saying "she's such a genius, she's so bored." I'm saying the school day is just boring. I actually think its more the amount of downtime in the day (the homeroom, the study hall, the free time at the end of every block) that is boring, not the class content itself.

If she's got straight A's and she has nothing to study during study hall because she's all caught up, then yes, I would suggest that the content is too easy for her and needs a more stimulating challenge. I would raise this with her counselor ASAP so you can get some different class placements for next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible to change schools? Clearly she's not getting fulfillment at the school for some reason and if she's getting straight A's and telling you she's bored, she likely needs a more challenging environment.

OP here. Not really. We could move her to a different public in our district but I don't think it would help with the boredom since the curriculum is basically the same. The only private we could afford is the local parochial Catholic but its small and those kids have been together since K and she would be entering in 7th grade. She's slow to make friends and very sensitive so I feel that could end up a social disaster.

There is an enrichment class during study hall but its for "gifted" students only. We are reapplying for her this year, but she wasn't selected in elementary so I'm not optimistic. She will start taking foreign language next year and a harder math class so maybe that will help? I just don't see how any of us can deal with this for 6 more years!!

Can she do a visiting day at the Catholic school? And if she likes it have her switch schools now. She will meet other kids and maybe could connect with some of them in summer. It’s awful to completely dread school when you have to go everyday. I switched my son to a religious k-8 even though we aren’t really religious and it has been a much better fit. He says the day goes by quicker, no really disruptive kids taking up so much of the teachers time, no fights or threats of fights, etc.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible she's being harassed by someone in her homeroom and just doesn't want to tell you, even if she usually has no problem sharing things? Crying at night and in the morning seems a little extreme just because she doesn't want to read all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6th grade is first year of middle school for us. 5th grade was pretty rough too socially but she didn't seem to mind the school part. Now, she just doesn't want to go at all. She's compliant so she doesn't flat out refuse, but she begs to stay home and often cries the night before or even in the morning about going to school. She has made a new group of friends this year that went to a different elementary school and so far they seem really nice and a lot healthier than her friends at her elementary school (who are at this middle school too.) She swears that nothing "happened" and she's not the type to keep things to herself - she is an over-sharer. She just says school is boring. The blocks are really long (80 minutes, A/B day schedule) and she particularly hates homeroom (20 minutes) and study hall (40 minutes) because she has nothing to do. She does like reading but doesn't want to just sit a school reading all day.

Has anyone dealt with this? I don't know what to do - its really hard to see how upset she is each night thinking about going to school the next day. Our county still offers a virtual option and I've offered that to her for 7th grade but she says that would be "worse" (I agree) but I just wanted her to know it was an option in case something was happening that she didn't want to tell me.

She has straight A's. She's perfectly happy and does not seem depressed when she is not at school. She sees her friends outside of school and enjoys it and looks forward to it. Summer she is like a different person - just totally happy and not stressed or depressed at all.

Has anyone experienced this? I don't know how to help her or make this better.

My older daughter doesn't love school either, but its never been anything like this.

Yes. We moved to Maret and DC loves it. Went from hating school to loving it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible she's being harassed by someone in her homeroom and just doesn't want to tell you, even if she usually has no problem sharing things? Crying at night and in the morning seems a little extreme just because she doesn't want to read all day.

OP here. I mean, obviously I can't know for sure, but she is just the type of child who complains about all the things. She never holds back, or has a stiff upper lip. It would just be totally out of character for that to be happening and she not say something. For example, earlier this year we got her locker moved because someone near her teased her about her locker decorations - she does NOT hold back about stuff like that happening. She will literally email me FROM school about it.

[Anonymous]

You should absolutely talk to the school about this. They can’t help if they don’t know. You might also ask your daughter what changes she could envision that might help. That might help her articulate what’s wrong. Perhaps she could help in the school library if she has down time in class. The counselor can do a couple of observations in different settings, and her teachers should be asked for their points of view. Most kids that age get their social needs met at school during less-structured parts of the day. She may feel isolated then. I was always bored in school at that age, except for math, and if I hadn’t had books, I would have been miserable. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible she's being harassed by someone in her homeroom and just doesn't want to tell you, even if she usually has no problem sharing things? Crying at night and in the morning seems a little extreme just because she doesn't want to read all day.

This are you naive