Dds friends caught with edibles/vapes

[Anonymous]

She has Tiktok account, she does a good job on hiding it..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has Tiktok account, she does a good job on hiding it..

She definitely doesn’t. You know there are some kids who follow rules and don’t want trouble right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am REALLY getting sick of parents not being a village. All of these posts of videos, drugs, etc… and you moms are not contacting the other parents immediately.

OP, 8th grade is no where near early for this. I know of 6th graders that are vaping. But the problem is schools are barely addressing it and parents like you who beat around the bush and think not my kid, not my problem. It is 100% your problem as your kid is actively involved with these girls. Most vaping happens on school grounds. Not at home

I never said not my kid not my problem. I don’t know the details and I am worried. I’m worried about my daughters friends.
Dh and I spoke with her. She 100% did not know it was happening and she’s very upset. And worried. I trust her. I do want to think carefully about what or how I tell the other parents because again I don’t know all the details.

You are naive if you think she didn’t know her best friends were vaping. I am not saying she was joining, but she definitely knew. All the kids in school know who vape

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dd is in 8th grade. She is very much a goody two shoes type and hates/is afraid of drugs and smoking. She is 13 and young for her grade. I have just learned from another mom that some of her closest friends have been caught vaping and having edibles - both caught in their pockets and from posts on social media. Dd doesn’t have social media and I don’t think she knows about this but I of course need to ask her. I don’t think she is partaking (and the person who told me doesn’t either) but I am concerned. This seems very young and of course I’m worried about what could be in the drugs. These are most likely purchased from the “smoke shops” and bodegas that are all over near her school (we live in NYC).

How would you approach with her? And would you tell other moms?

Moms other than the kids already caught? No. MYOB.

The kids were not caught by their moms, so their moms don’t know. One of them is my DD’s best friend and I’m very close with her mom.

OP, just spit out the whole story clearly. Who caught the kids? If it's school, the school will call their parents.

+1 op, you need to clarify

No, another parent caught them. I don’t know who. AFAIK the school and the parents of the girls don’t know. It was a parent of a boy who found them.

OP as far as I can tell, what happened here was:
1. Some boy says he saw these girls vapes and edibles. HOW? Did he say anything to them? Was there an interaction? Where?
2. This boy told his parent. HOW? Why? Under what circumstances?
3. This unrelated parent told you that their son said they saw these girls with both vapes and edibles. (But didn't tell the parents actually involved.)

Is that about right?

And

[Anonymous]

If you tell your friend, I’d tell her there are rumors xxx and do not tell her you are sure your FD is not involved. If you had seen the stuff yourself, different story. Also- girls this age who are good girls absolutely lie to protect their friends. My DD is awesome (now in college), but I caught her in a couple of lies in early HS that demonstrated how very good at lying she is/was. We are close and I love it when she shares things with me, but I also recognize that she’s not going to share everything with me. You are approaching the age where that is likely the case. Do not hang your hat in “she’s a good girl and wouldn’t lie.” The better approach is to assume she and her friends are vaping and respond accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Dd couldn’t sleep last night because she was so upset by this. She feels disappointed and betrayed by her friends. She is worried about them. She said that she feels like her closest friend in the group (her best friend since age 2) has been “more distant” lately and she now thinks she understands why and it’s very hard for her. I am positive she did not know. I know my kid and I know when she is lying and she is so upset by this (and not in a “my mom found out something and I’m in trouble”) way.
I’m going to try to find out more from the person who told me - it was apparently a parent who found evidence (a vape pen and edibles) in the pockets of some kids, and also saw things posted on social media by these kids. Dd doesn’t have social media. Her phone was inspected carefully yesterday (she has no problem with that she knows her phone needs to be open to us to check at any time).
Perhaps other kids knew this was going on but mine didn’t. She has a very busy extracurricular commitment and has been especially busy with it lately so I could see why she feels a bit distant from her friend group. But I absolutely believe she didn’t know this was going on by her reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dd couldn’t sleep last night because she was so upset by this. She feels disappointed and betrayed by her friends. She is worried about them. She said that she feels like her closest friend in the group (her best friend since age 2) has been “more distant” lately and she now thinks she understands why and it’s very hard for her. I am positive she did not know. I know my kid and I know when she is lying and she is so upset by this (and not in a “my mom found out something and I’m in trouble”) way.
I’m going to try to find out more from the person who told me - it was apparently a parent who found evidence (a vape pen and edibles) in the pockets of some kids, and also saw things posted on social media by these kids. Dd doesn’t have social media. Her phone was inspected carefully yesterday (she has no problem with that she knows her phone needs to be open to us to check at any time).
Perhaps other kids knew this was going on but mine didn’t. She has a very busy extracurricular commitment and has been especially busy with it lately so I could see why she feels a bit distant from her friend group. But I absolutely believe she didn’t know this was going on by her reaction.

Honest question, if you are 100% convinced your child has done nothing wrong, why exactly do you care?

If you care about the other girls involved, then the obvious only thing to do is tell their parents and it is awful that you have not done so already.

If you care that your daughter is so upset, you just need to learn to deal with that. Maybe take the opportunity to have a conversation with her about reality and that these things will happen and she gets to choose who she wants to spend time with. Also, help her understand the definition of "betrayal" cuz this ain't it.

Given your conviction, I don't understand why you are even concerned at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dd couldn’t sleep last night because she was so upset by this. She feels disappointed and betrayed by her friends. She is worried about them. She said that she feels like her closest friend in the group (her best friend since age 2) has been “more distant” lately and she now thinks she understands why and it’s very hard for her. I am positive she did not know. I know my kid and I know when she is lying and she is so upset by this (and not in a “my mom found out something and I’m in trouble”) way.
I’m going to try to find out more from the person who told me - it was apparently a parent who found evidence (a vape pen and edibles) in the pockets of some kids, and also saw things posted on social media by these kids. Dd doesn’t have social media. Her phone was inspected carefully yesterday (she has no problem with that she knows her phone needs to be open to us to check at any time).
Perhaps other kids knew this was going on but mine didn’t. She has a very busy extracurricular commitment and has been especially busy with it lately so I could see why she feels a bit distant from her friend group. But I absolutely believe she didn’t know this was going on by her reaction.

OP, where are you actually getting your information? Is it second hand? Third hand? Fourth hand?

You may consider that you might be a tad too trusting. You trust your daughter unconditionally, which is maybe a bit naive but also understandable. But you also trust rumors and gossip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dd couldn’t sleep last night because she was so upset by this. She feels disappointed and betrayed by her friends. She is worried about them. She said that she feels like her closest friend in the group (her best friend since age 2) has been “more distant” lately and she now thinks she understands why and it’s very hard for her. I am positive she did not know. I know my kid and I know when she is lying and she is so upset by this (and not in a “my mom found out something and I’m in trouble”) way.
I’m going to try to find out more from the person who told me - it was apparently a parent who found evidence (a vape pen and edibles) in the pockets of some kids, and also saw things posted on social media by these kids. Dd doesn’t have social media. Her phone was inspected carefully yesterday (she has no problem with that she knows her phone needs to be open to us to check at any time).
Perhaps other kids knew this was going on but mine didn’t. She has a very busy extracurricular commitment and has been especially busy with it lately so I could see why she feels a bit distant from her friend group. But I absolutely believe she didn’t know this was going on by her reaction.

Ok. Same advice above applies. Tell your friends there are rumors about this. Then work with your DD to prepare her for being places where ppl around her may be doing this. It sounds like your are creating more stress by trying to investigate. Not your Jove, except as it applies to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Op - I was told by another parent who was told by the parent who found the stuff/posts. I will tell my friend (umm I haven’t done it yet bc I found out late yesterday afternoon, had to talk with my kid and then had plans with her yesterday evening, I was planning to reach out today…) and I’ll keep it to “I’ve heard a rumor and if I were in the same situation I would want to know”.
And of course I’m working on coping strategies and advising my daughter how to handle situations. She’s also still a kid who is allowed to be scared and upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dd couldn’t sleep last night because she was so upset by this. She feels disappointed and betrayed by her friends. She is worried about them. She said that she feels like her closest friend in the group (her best friend since age 2) has been “more distant” lately and she now thinks she understands why and it’s very hard for her. I am positive she did not know. I know my kid and I know when she is lying and she is so upset by this (and not in a “my mom found out something and I’m in trouble”) way.
I’m going to try to find out more from the person who told me - it was apparently a parent who found evidence (a vape pen and edibles) in the pockets of some kids, and also saw things posted on social media by these kids. Dd doesn’t have social media. Her phone was inspected carefully yesterday (she has no problem with that she knows her phone needs to be open to us to check at any time).
Perhaps other kids knew this was going on but mine didn’t. She has a very busy extracurricular commitment and has been especially busy with it lately so I could see why she feels a bit distant from her friend group. But I absolutely believe she didn’t know this was going on by her reaction.

You need to step back from this situation and not get involved. These are 8th graders. It’s unfortunate and typical. Lots of vaping and the ones that aren’t have seen it in the school bathroom. Do not try to find out more information. Let it go.

You can only support your daughter. Listen more than talk. Tell her it’s okay to be surprised and disappointed in her friends. Tell her it’s okay to take a break from friends but she doesn’t have to be mean to them or lecture them on drugs. No good will come of that either. Talk to your daughter about the dangers of trying all of this and of fentanyl. It’s in the middle school too. I never thought my kid would vape and he’s tried it many times. At least we have always had open conversations and he’s comfortable talking to us.

Who’s posting on social media about this? That’s what I don’t understand. The kids or the parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am REALLY getting sick of parents not being a village. All of these posts of videos, drugs, etc… and you moms are not contacting the other parents immediately.

OP, 8th grade is no where near early for this. I know of 6th graders that are vaping. But the problem is schools are barely addressing it and parents like you who beat around the bush and think not my kid, not my problem. It is 100% your problem as your kid is actively involved with these girls. Most vaping happens on school grounds. Not at home

I never said not my kid not my problem. I don’t know the details and I am worried. I’m worried about my daughters friends.
Dh and I spoke with her. She 100% did not know it was happening and she’s very upset. And worried. I trust her. I do want to think carefully about what or how I tell the other parents because again I don’t know all the details.

You tell them what you know and you avoid any accusations or assumptions. “There was a social media post of Larla vaping.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not young for that - it's within an average age. And it's not your place to tell other moms. Don't be a gossip.

I am not sure why you feel the need to tell your DD. Why not just quietly encourage/foster her friendships with other kids?

You have elementary school children, don’t you?

DP here. I have a teen and a tween and I 100% encourage activities and friendships with kids I consider "good" kids and discourage activities and friendships with kids who I think of as losers or bad influences. And I'd consider 8th graders who vape and take edibles to be losers and bad influences. That doesn't mean I'm setting up playdates, and I'm not telling my kids "you can't talk to Larla anymore," but I don't do anything to encourage those friendships and somehow we are always too busy for my girls to go hang out with those kids. And I keep open lines of communications about sex, drugs, peer pressure, parties, etc.

OP, if everyone else knows about this from IG I think I'd bring it up with your daughter and hopefully let her come to her own conclusion during the discussion with you that vaping and edibles are bad, and reinforce her opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dd is in 8th grade. She is very much a goody two shoes type and hates/is afraid of drugs and smoking. She is 13 and young for her grade. I have just learned from another mom that some of her closest friends have been caught vaping and having edibles - both caught in their pockets and from posts on social media. Dd doesn’t have social media and I don’t think she knows about this but I of course need to ask her. I don’t think she is partaking (and the person who told me doesn’t either) but I am concerned. This seems very young and of course I’m worried about what could be in the drugs. These are most likely purchased from the “smoke shops” and bodegas that are all over near her school (we live in NYC).

How would you approach with her? And would you tell other moms?

Moms other than the kids already caught? No. MYOB.

The kids were not caught by their moms, so their moms don’t know. One of them is my DD’s best friend and I’m very close with her mom.

Then you need to talk to the mom ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has Tiktok account, she does a good job on hiding it..

She definitely doesn’t. You know there are some kids who follow rules and don’t want trouble right?

My daughter is also “good.” She doesn’t have tik tok, although I would let her if she wanted (she’s a 9th grader). She is friends with people who vape and now some are even drinking, although her closest friends are not. I think some kids do partake and some don’t. I would just keep lines of communication open. My daughter and I talk all the time about what the other kids are up to. If your daughter’s closest friends are vaping, I am sure your daughter knows everything about it. She probably has shared it with you, though. Maybe probe and ask her if she knew? That’s what i would do!