4.5 yr old hits me and throws things when he has a meltdown/tantrum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All four of mine would occasionally throw things and would “hit” (slapping the sofa or something, not done with any real force or enough to hurt). I think in my case it was the younger children picking g up the behavior from older sibs. It was always done to get a rise out of me, so I would ignore it and then make them clean it up after they calmed down.

They would never display such behavior in public/at school/with anyone other than their parents.

They all grew out of it by six or so.

They don't just grow out of it, they are taught how to manage emotions and behave, as PP teacher described.

plus 1. Parents that are magically waiting for phases to end are in for a long road. You want the behavior to change, than don’t give empty threats. Follow through each and every time and things get better in a hurry.

[Anonymous]

Read No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury. Highly recommend.

Also follow her on socials - FB, Insta, Twitter, etc. Especially FB.

She's really helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is 4.5 too old for this kind of behavior? I can’t remember if my older one did this at this age. Any suggestions on how to deal with it?

No it is not too old. Be calm, and "under-react." Let your child know you ar hearing them and that all feelings are okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the kid. Walk away, or put them in their room till they calm down, time out nanny style and apologize.

As a preschool teacher, this is basically my advice but it sounds like you need to do some basic teaching about emotions and give him some self soothing strategies first. As to if it is normal…if you mean is it something most kids do, no, it is not. If by normal you are asking if it’s a sign of something more serious (like a potential diagnosis), not necessarily. I’ve worked with literally hundreds of children over my career and only a handful exhibited this kind of behavior. I work in a public elementary that goes to fifth grade so I’ve been able to see many of the kids grow past my program. Some went on to be diagnosed with other things but most did not. For most kids, the behavior can be extinguished by caregivers acting calmly and consistently restating rules and consequences. “We use our words when we are mad/sad. We do not hit. Take a break in your cool down spot until you are calm.” I highly recommend some time watching Daniel Tiger together. And spend some time when he isn’t angry talking about how anger feels in your body, how he can recognize it and begin to self sooth before he erupts.

So do everyone's kids respond to the Daniel Tiger techniques? And stay in their cool down spots when you tell them to? I feel like I must be Doing It Wrong because my 4yo just totally loses her sh-t still and hits, knocks things over, etc. when something doesn't go her way. She doesn't do this at preschool, only at home with us. Her pediatrician said it was common for kids to hold it together all day and then let it out at home, but I don't know now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 4.5 too old for this kind of behavior? I can’t remember if my older one did this at this age. Any suggestions on how to deal with it?

No it is not too old. Be calm, and "under-react." Let your child know you ar hearing them and that all feelings are okay.

What? The child is hitting them and you think it’s just him expressing himself?