When to tell parents about vacation?

[Anonymous]

Seriously. Learn to say no. We are going to x, just with spouse and kids. That’s it. Be an adult, use your words.

[Anonymous]

Where are you going?

Also, I can’t lie well so I’d tell the truth but not give a lot of details. So if I was going to Disney I might just say “oh we’re thinking of going to florida.” If they ask if you’ve planned it yet you could just say “we’re working on it” (even if you booked it long ago I’m sure there are some aspects you’re still planning so this isnt really a lie) Be vague. If being vague doesn’t work for them and they keep pressing you, I think you need to be very honest about it w them so they understand. “We really love the opportunity to vacation w just our nuclear family. We love spending time with you but when it comes to vacation, we really just want it to be the 4 of us (or however many of you there are). We would love to arrange another time this summer that we can see you, though (if they’re not local) would you like to come visit us xyz dates?”

[Anonymous]

It's entirely possible to plan a Disney vacation at the last minute, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you going?

Also, I can’t lie well so I’d tell the truth but not give a lot of details. So if I was going to Disney I might just say “oh we’re thinking of going to florida.” If they ask if you’ve planned it yet you could just say “we’re working on it” (even if you booked it long ago I’m sure there are some aspects you’re still planning so this isnt really a lie) Be vague. If being vague doesn’t work for them and they keep pressing you, I think you need to be very honest about it w them so they understand. “We really love the opportunity to vacation w just our nuclear family. We love spending time with you but when it comes to vacation, we really just want it to be the 4 of us (or however many of you there are). We would love to arrange another time this summer that we can see you, though (if they’re not local) would you like to come visit us xyz dates?”

Didn’t you read the first post? These are not people who will understand. They throw fits when they’re told that just the nuclear family is going. They can’t handle Op and spouse being vague because it doesn’t get them what they really want: to know exactly where OP is going so they can figure out how to go there as well.

You’re applying rational thinking to people who are downright rude. The response that an earlier post said about explaining why OP is purposely not sharing was the best answer.

[Anonymous]

OH what a tangled web.
Are they local? Do they help with anything? Give money? Do they babysit?
If any of the above you have to have a real conversation because it's more complicated.
If not then just say "We're doing X but we'll have to plan something next year!"

[Anonymous]

Is it possible they would just show up at that location or announce they’ve bought tickets to the same place and dates?
Do they do this every year, and you tell them no every year?

[Anonymous]

I would be very direct. “We are going on a vacation this year, just the four of us.” Then without getting into details, change the subject. I would not be willing to lie, and say things like we don’t know yet when we do, and if they threw a fit, I would just hang up and ignore any tantrums. If you truly think they will book a flight and join you at your destination, refuse to tell them where you are going, but that seems unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you going?

Also, I can’t lie well so I’d tell the truth but not give a lot of details. So if I was going to Disney I might just say “oh we’re thinking of going to florida.” If they ask if you’ve planned it yet you could just say “we’re working on it” (even if you booked it long ago I’m sure there are some aspects you’re still planning so this isnt really a lie) Be vague. If being vague doesn’t work for them and they keep pressing you, I think you need to be very honest about it w them so they understand. “We really love the opportunity to vacation w just our nuclear family. We love spending time with you but when it comes to vacation, we really just want it to be the 4 of us (or however many of you there are). We would love to arrange another time this summer that we can see you, though (if they’re not local) would you like to come visit us xyz dates?”

Didn’t you read the first post? These are not people who will understand. They throw fits when they’re told that just the nuclear family is going. They can’t handle Op and spouse being vague because it doesn’t get them what they really want: to know exactly where OP is going so they can figure out how to go there as well.

You’re applying rational thinking to people who are downright rude. The response that an earlier post said about explaining why OP is purposely not sharing was the best answer.

OP didn’t say this, just that they would throw a fit and know it wasn’t the kind of trip planned last minute. Fits and emotions can be ignored since they are the parents’ to manage.

[Anonymous]

Yes, when adults throw irrational tantrums, you don’t engage. You calmly say: I’m sorry you feel that way. This is not up for discussion. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about something else. Then when they bring it up: mom, I’ve already told you this isn’t up for discussion. If you bring it up, I will leave/hang up etc. Then you do it. Learn to draw a boundary and stick to it, not just for vacation but for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are married, with children. You have GOT to grow a spine. They are your parents, but you do not need to act as if you are a child. Tell them that you are vacationing with your nuclear family this year. They will be upset, but that is ok. That is not your problem to manage. If you have time and money to do so, plan a long weekend with them. Just be firm. Tell them the decision is made and you don’t want to talk about it anymore. You can do this!

Absolutely this. Do you want to go through this year after year, OP? Because if you're not honest this year, you'll be on DCUM every year with your vacation dilemma. You can be vague about where you're going, but be clear that you and DH are vacationing with your kids. Period.

If they're upset, that's on them. It's not your job to fix their hurt feelings. I understand it's hard, but your first responsibility is to your DH and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you going?

Also, I can’t lie well so I’d tell the truth but not give a lot of details. So if I was going to Disney I might just say “oh we’re thinking of going to florida.” If they ask if you’ve planned it yet you could just say “we’re working on it” (even if you booked it long ago I’m sure there are some aspects you’re still planning so this isnt really a lie) Be vague. If being vague doesn’t work for them and they keep pressing you, I think you need to be very honest about it w them so they understand. “We really love the opportunity to vacation w just our nuclear family. We love spending time with you but when it comes to vacation, we really just want it to be the 4 of us (or however many of you there are). We would love to arrange another time this summer that we can see you, though (if they’re not local) would you like to come visit us xyz dates?”

Didn’t you read the first post? These are not people who will understand. They throw fits when they’re told that just the nuclear family is going. They can’t handle Op and spouse being vague because it doesn’t get them what they really want: to know exactly where OP is going so they can figure out how to go there as well.

You’re applying rational thinking to people who are downright rude. The response that an earlier post said about explaining why OP is purposely not sharing was the best answer.

NP - who cares if they throw a fit? They’re not in the house, right?

Parents: Throw a fit
OP: I’m not engaging with you when you talk like this. Goodbye. <hangs up>

Rinse, and repeat.

[Anonymous]

Book a second vacation late in the summer. Camping or "glamping". That is the official vacation that you actually tell them about. The first one did not get mentioned except last minute because it was "an extra splurge, not the REAL vacation."

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it would be too late for them to join? Tell them about it now and let them throw their fit.

[Anonymous]

“We’re going to at some point, just don’t know yet.”

If and when they find out you already went, just…don’t care that they get mad. You don’t have to be upset or anxious or feel bad just because they are mad. They are mad…and? So what? And they’re going to come at you with chainsaws, or burn your house down? No? They’re just going to grumble and cry? Who cares?

Treat them like the toddlers they are. A toddler can cry and scream over not getting a cookie. Everyone will live. So will your parents if they cry over not being included on a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible to plan a Disney vacation at the last minute, OP.

Oh yes, Disney is the end-all-be-all. How about you can’t go to *Yellowstone* last-minute. How about you can’t go to many, many mountain resorts and beach houses last-minute, because they book up. Not everyone thinks Disney is desirable, just FYI.