To ask if you agree with this about my daughter?

[Anonymous]

Definitely autism is a possibility, OP. I am grieved for your daughter that did not seek out a neuro psychological evaluation when she was much younger. My son has ADHD/HFA (high functioning autism) and his first eval as at 6, then 10, then 17, to nail down college accommodations. His issues, social and otherwise, have been addressed all his life.

This is really sad.

[Anonymous]

As I say the issues were not really apparent until she left school.
Nobody raised concerns and I as a mother had no worries.
I don’t know if it’s just lack of confidence or bad luck as in just not meeting the right person or the right friends.
If we had known earlier then things might have been different. It was only really when she turned 18 that things seemed different. When she was younger she always had friends and social opportunities so I was never worried.

[Anonymous]

Is she happy with her life? My brother is that age and my mother is constantly worried about his lack of social life. He lives independently and thinks he had a great social life, with lots of people he talks to online. I tell my mom that we can’t put our priorities on his life. He is independent and doesn’t want to go out socially in person.

[Anonymous]

I think some people are just born weird, or maybe they become weird later as there are fewer social crutches around them such as school or parents. doesn’t matter if there’s an official diagnosis.
I know two women who never grew up, it seems like. They were lucky to get married when they were younger but the times have changed now and it’s not that easy to get married imo.
They don’t seem like fulfilled people to me, but I wouldn’t call them terribly unhappy either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I say the issues were not really apparent until she left school.
Nobody raised concerns and I as a mother had no worries.
I don’t know if it’s just lack of confidence or bad luck as in just not meeting the right person or the right friends.
If we had known earlier then things might have been different. It was only really when she turned 18 that things seemed different. When she was younger she always had friends and social opportunities so I was never worried.

That was 19 years ago that this change happened. What prompted you to question things now?

[Anonymous]

Because it was only subtle changes then.
Like she struggled in college but still had friends and a social life.
But as the years have gone on, there's been no relationships, lost touch with friends etc. Still very shy which is more unusual in a woman of her age. Doesn't look any different than how she did back in college etc.
I know the chronic illnesses didn't help. One diagnosed at 33 and the other at 35 but I still don't think they are the root cause of her life and how it has turned out. Except in terms of it not helping with confidence and self esteem I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she's suffered sexual abuse. I'd look into that.

This was my thought, too.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is almost middle-aged, OP. Are these questions that you are just now asking yourself? Or, as your daughter approaches 40 (!), are you worried about how she will fare as when you are no longer around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I say the issues were not really apparent until she left school.
Nobody raised concerns and I as a mother had no worries.
I don’t know if it’s just lack of confidence or bad luck as in just not meeting the right person or the right friends.
If we had known earlier then things might have been different. It was only really when she turned 18 that things seemed different. When she was younger she always had friends and social opportunities so I was never worried.

I get that but at this point hasn’t it been almost 20 years of her living at home and having these issues? I’m her age and high school was so long so I can barely remember it at this point. So I find it strange that you say “it was only really when she turned 18” as if that was recent.

Not blaming you at all just wondering your perspective on all this and if for years you’ve just been kind of thinking she’s a bit different but ok. If so, then why are you suddenly worried about her now if she’s been like this for 20 years? Did something change? Or are you just thinking more long term about what will happen to her once you’re no longer around now that you are getting older yourself?

My top 3 guesses: 1) some kind of trauma she went through as a child or teen or in college that you don’t know about, 2) autism or another disorder that makes social situations harder for her, 3) depression and extreme anxiety

[Anonymous]

Autism can absolutely look like this OP. Poor thing. That sounds like a hard existence.

[Anonymous]

Could she be gay and hiding it from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be completely off-base, but I thought the whole move toward calling it a spectrum disorder was to emphasis that it is a spectrum, i.e., we are all on it somewhere. You may want to pick up the book Nobody's Normal for some perspective (although probably no answers).

Yes, you are completely off-base. No, we are not all on the autism spectrum! It is a spectrum, but that doesn’t mean everyone is on it.

[Anonymous]

What is with the odd phrasing of the post title?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 37.
In school, she was popular but quiet and sensitive. An average student but very good at reading and spelling.
Never had a problem making friends and always had someone back to the house.
When she reached college age though, things changed. Struggled a lot with the new environment and was described as terribly shy. Managed to pass the course but only just. As the years have gone on, she's never been in a relationship or dated. Never moved out of home and now has no friends.
She has 2 chronic health issues, rheumatoid arthritis and ulcerative colitis, looks years younger than her age and speaks with an odd accent. She is obsessed with our pet dog and speaks about him constantly.
She works at a daycare but only as temp staff as she struggles with the long days. She is loved by the staff and kids but because she looks so young she feels they only like her because they think she is is a kid.
She gets embarrassed very easily, struggles a lot with chatting socially and has no social life outside of hanging out with her 3 older sisters.
I can't help but feel she may be autistic? However, She understands social cues very easily, very kind and empathetic towards others and has a great imagination (she writes too).
Just wondered what everyone thinks. Do want to add that she is great around the house, not one of those layabout adult kids because I know that's what everyone will assume.

Could the accent actually be a speech impediment? How long has she been speaking that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just asking if it sounds like autism as I am really starting to think so. I do feel something more is going on than just anxiety but then other aspects just don't fit.

Don't discount "just anxiety." It can be debilitating.