In laws never come over to our house

[Anonymous]

Dirty bathroom?
Cats?
Messy house?

[Anonymous]

How old are they and how old are the kids? As my parents have gotten older they enjoy their own home and own space. The chaos of our house with kids is too much for them.

[Anonymous]

^adding to above. It’s fine if we are at their place because they can sit in their own living room chairs after we eat. Little comfort things like that.

[Anonymous]

Are you gross? Does no one in your household wash their hands after using the toilet? Does your cat wander around counters? Is there often cat hair in the dinner? Are you hoarders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you have a standing appointment for dinner?

Do you have a cat or dog that may be the problem?

We do have a cat and I have wondered if that’s the problem—my husband doesn’t think so but who knows! The standing appointment is a good idea and has worked well with my family, but I honestly think they wouldn’t show up. I think at this point I don’t want to put much energy towards “solving” the problem because I suspect there may not be a solution. But I would like to figure out some strategies for feeling less bad about it, especially the resentment of going to their condo (which isn’t huge and is in an area with tough parking) while they don’t reciprocate.

Let your DH solve this problem, OP. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they want to see your family but have a reason for not feeling comfortable at your house. Either ask directly or just enjoy not having to host.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws hate my cooking. They've come to our home three times in 15 years. Is there a reason you resent them not coming over? Because I actually prefer it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws hate my cooking. They've come to our home three times in 15 years. Is there a reason you resent them not coming over? Because I actually prefer it this way.

Just a sidebar here - what do they hate about your cooking? I am a great cook but am so annoyed by my extended family’s list of what they will and won’t eat, that I’m just about at the point of giving up all my obsessive menu planning and just getting Costco heat-and-eat for the whole lot of them when they come here. (They’ll probably like that just fine anyway, so I guess really who cares.)

[Anonymous]

I love my husbands aunt, but we don’t go to her house because the cat fur and dander is so bad that it irritates my allergies for days afterward even though we shower immediately after. We also can’t eat food there because the cats are all over the kitchen. Sorry. We love her and simply hate being in her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws hate my cooking. They've come to our home three times in 15 years. Is there a reason you resent them not coming over? Because I actually prefer it this way.

I think that’s a win too. I’m happy not to host.

But why keep cooking? For my MIL, I learned early on to not cook and order pizzas or take out Chinese. It was easier on me and everyone was happy.

[Anonymous]

Are you a bad hostess? Is your house unclean?

[Anonymous]

I would be giddy with excitement if my in-laws were like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws hate my cooking. They've come to our home three times in 15 years. Is there a reason you resent them not coming over? Because I actually prefer it this way.

Just a sidebar here - what do they hate about your cooking? I am a great cook but am so annoyed by my extended family’s list of what they will and won’t eat, that I’m just about at the point of giving up all my obsessive menu planning and just getting Costco heat-and-eat for the whole lot of them when they come here. (They’ll probably like that just fine anyway, so I guess really who cares.)

PP here. I grew up on organic foods, lots of fresh green veggies, not a lot of meat, etc. That's what I know how to cook. In-laws, otoh, love Golden Corral. They eat nothing green and few vegetables. They are also from Mexico and prefer a different spice profile from the one I grew up cooking, which is more Mediterranean. I try to make tamales and tacos but I guess I just don't do very well. Costco heat-n-serve would probably make them happy. Maybe I'll try that next time - if there is a next time - and just make a salad for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they want to see your family but have a reason for not feeling comfortable at your house. Either ask directly or just enjoy not having to host.

OP could say, in a non-confrontational manner, "Hey Dick, Barb! Dick, Jr. and I have invited you over numerous times to have dinner with the family. You always turn us down. What gives?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they want to see your family but have a reason for not feeling comfortable at your house. Either ask directly or just enjoy not having to host.

OP could say, in a non-confrontational manner, "Hey Dick, Barb! Dick, Jr. and I have invited you over numerous times to have dinner with the family. You always turn us down. What gives?"

I would do something similar but a little nicer, “Hey Dick, Barb, we so appreciate how you host us so much, but would really like to reciprocate and have you at our home sometime. We notice that you don’t seem to want to come over. Is there something we can do to make our house more comfortable for you?”