(For Fun) McSWEENEY’S: AN APPLICANT’S GUIDE TO STUDENT CULTURE AT AMERICAN UNIVERSITIES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone add on to this...NYU? UChic? WashU? Vandy?

NYU: I shivved my parents’ financial advisor for putting too much crypto in my trust fund.

UChicago: I prefer the Stoics’ approach to shivving to the Platonic and neo-Platonic ideas. Heidegger also has views worthy of note.

Northwestern: I’ll smile at that other kid who’s competing for the same internship, politely hold the door open for that kid, then, while the other kid is thanking me, shiv that kid.

WashU: Now that I’ve failed out of being a premed, I’m too sad to shiv anyone. Maybe I’ll go get some frozen custard to cheer myself up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UCLA: Shiv Parteee at the Lamda Chi house tonight.

USC: My documentary on the history of shivving in the US prison system will be released this spring.

Penn: How can I include shiv expertise on my resume?

Tufts: I could have written a Pulitzer Prize winning play about the time I shivved someone in class to answer a question.

UVA: VA made shivs are better regarded internationally than Wusthof and Shin!

Alabama: Roll Tide!

Personally, I’d say UVA is “And here, inside our Rotunda, you can see Thomas Jefferson’s personal shiv!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is shiv?

To shiv people is to stab them with a makeshift knife. Generally used in the context of prisons and other places that abound with dubious people of low morals, like elite colleges.

I thought it was "to shank" someone. Urban Dictionary agrees with me. I feel validated lol