I've become my mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not take a class, and volunteer? I've volunteered for an hour a week for the last 11 years and people are always fascinated that I do it.

I guess I miss being accomplished.

Being “accomplished “ is overrated. Being a connected and engaged parent, that’s amazing and important. If your idea of being accomplished is working for some corporation or company or even government, then that’s the problem right there.

[Anonymous]

My mom is an abusive narcissist. If I made the comment you just made, that would be super bad for society. Saying you are like you’re what seems to be very normal, caring mom is just sort of silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is an abusive narcissist. If I made the comment you just made, that would be super bad for society. Saying you are like you’re what seems to be very normal, caring mom is just sort of silly.

I guess I find it difficult to be in DH's shadow without some sort of recognition myself. I know that's selfish, but I feel worthless. Anyone can be a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is an abusive narcissist. If I made the comment you just made, that would be super bad for society. Saying you are like you’re what seems to be very normal, caring mom is just sort of silly.

I guess I find it difficult to be in DH's shadow without some sort of recognition myself. I know that's selfish, but I feel worthless. Anyone can be a mother.

Not everyone can be a good mother.

[Anonymous]

You sound pretty awful and insecure OP. Grow up. And just because your DH was on TV doesn’t make him important or smart nor does staying home to raise you make your mother less important or dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult who holds a job, has a child, and you still consider your mom dumb? A big problem is that you don't seem to have developed empathy and a nuanced understanding of how people spend their time. Just scorn for you and your mom.

That's what you got from my post?

"I've become my mother"

"I feel...ignorant. On autopilot. I used to think my mother was stupid, but now I realize the trap that middle aged women with schoolchildren fall into."

NP. What i get from your post? That you are shallow, insecure, judged and tiresome - against your own mother no less. Signed mother of 2 who also has an “important” job.

[Anonymous]

Good lord people are harsh. Have you people never gone through similar feelings in your life? If not, obviously you cannot relate…..so don’t post! Argh. And don’t get triggered because OP isn’t satisfied just being a mom. There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with it if you are satisfied. The point is working through the feelings to get to something constructive. Not have a bunch of righteous a-holes try to invalidate you.

OP, I get it. Try to make time for friends, research job openings, get your linked in profile updated, set boundaries hearing about your husband’s career (just started this and I love it), set book goals, etc. Those things helped me feel like I was doing something constructive. Exploring the possible can give you a feeling of choice which I have found helpful as well.

Also…. time is trippy and we kinda do turn into our parents by living similar stages of life however many years apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is an abusive narcissist. If I made the comment you just made, that would be super bad for society. Saying you are like you’re what seems to be very normal, caring mom is just sort of silly.

I guess I find it difficult to be in DH's shadow without some sort of recognition myself. I know that's selfish, but I feel worthless. Anyone can be a mother.

What is stopping you from excelling in your career path or pivoting to a new career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult who holds a job, has a child, and you still consider your mom dumb? A big problem is that you don't seem to have developed empathy and a nuanced understanding of how people spend their time. Just scorn for you and your mom.

That's what you got from my post?

"I've become my mother"

"I feel...ignorant. On autopilot. I used to think my mother was stupid, but now I realize the trap that middle aged women with schoolchildren fall into."

NP. What i get from your post? That you are shallow, insecure, judged and tiresome - against your own mother no less. Signed mother of 2 who also has an “important” job.

So you have no idea what it feels like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty awful and insecure OP. Grow up. And just because your DH was on TV doesn’t make him important or smart nor does staying home to raise you make your mother less important or dumb.

Literally does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is an abusive narcissist. If I made the comment you just made, that would be super bad for society. Saying you are like you’re what seems to be very normal, caring mom is just sort of silly.

I guess I find it difficult to be in DH's shadow without some sort of recognition myself. I know that's selfish, but I feel worthless. Anyone can be a mother.

No. That statement is just wrong on so many levels. A lot of women have trouble having babies they really want. And some women give birth easily but are terrible mothers. Stop wallowing in self pity. Try some gratitude.

[Anonymous]

A wfh job that allows you tome to do chores means you amso have time to pursue other things. Take some online classes. Join a professional networking group. Go out to linch with coworkers, other women. Or pickup a more involved hobby if your kids are old enough. I totally get how WFH and being home all the time grinds you down. My DH has been home for 6 months, waiting for another in office assignment (contractor) and he is just fading into it. He makes himself go to the gym before 7 to at least get out of the house. I am very cognizant of his "stuckness" so he does not do laundry or dishes etc during the day. He works and enjoys home alone time. So when all of us come home he can be all in with us. I can WFH probably 80% of the time and my boss wouldn't care but i choose to go in every day, to get dressed and be elsewhere and focus solely on work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is an abusive narcissist. If I made the comment you just made, that would be super bad for society. Saying you are like you’re what seems to be very normal, caring mom is just sort of silly.

I guess I find it difficult to be in DH's shadow without some sort of recognition myself. I know that's selfish, but I feel worthless. Anyone can be a mother.

Anyone can be a mother. But being a good mother/parent is HARD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved who I was in my early 20's. I got out, had fun, earned a masters degree, traveled for work every month. Then I got married, had kids, my job function turned remote by virtue of "industry improvements", and I'm struggling. I stay home basically 24/7, my life revolves around laundry and dishes. I struggle to connect with people because of this. I watch the news, so I am not wholly ignorant of what's going on in the world, but I feel...ignorant. On autopilot. I used to think my mother was stupid, but now I realize the trap that middle aged women with schoolchildren fall into. My husband has an "important" job (has been on TV during recent hurricanes), and I feel so left behind. Can anyone relate?

I'm sure your mother loved who she was in her early 20s too when she got out, had fun, wasn't tied down yet.
I don't understand these laments about the drudgery of motherhood. Two decades of "service" is the trade-off for having a family. Motherhood is drudgery most of the time, it's always been part of the job description unless you want to give your children a complex.

What were you expecting, to live that 20s life forever? If you didn't have a family you'd probably still end up in an un-envied life because age-ism in the workplace will get you, people will pity your spinsterhood, they'll snivel "cat lady" behind your back - all that stuff. It's no picnic for single middle-aged women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord people are harsh. Have you people never gone through similar feelings in your life? If not, obviously you cannot relate…..so don’t post! Argh. And don’t get triggered because OP isn’t satisfied just being a mom. There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with it if you are satisfied. The point is working through the feelings to get to something constructive. Not have a bunch of righteous a-holes try to invalidate you.

OP, I get it. Try to make time for friends, research job openings, get your linked in profile updated, set boundaries hearing about your husband’s career (just started this and I love it), set book goals, etc. Those things helped me feel like I was doing something constructive. Exploring the possible can give you a feeling of choice which I have found helpful as well.

Also…. time is trippy and we kinda do turn into our parents by living similar stages of life however many years apart.

The reaction is because OP has done 0 reflection, still insults her mother, focuses on the superficial, and denigrates what most of us are doing (anyone could be a mother). If she had posted with an ounce of self awareness and kept her post about her own life and her feelings rather than insulting anyone else, I am quite sure many posters would have posted much kinder helpful things.