I've become my mother

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01/09/2023 12:44

Subject: I've become my mother

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Anonymous

I loved who I was in my early 20's. I got out, had fun, earned a masters degree, traveled for work every month. Then I got married, had kids, my job function turned remote by virtue of "industry improvements", and I'm struggling. I stay home basically 24/7, my life revolves around laundry and dishes. I struggle to connect with people because of this. I watch the news, so I am not wholly ignorant of what's going on in the world, but I feel...ignorant. On autopilot. I used to think my mother was stupid, but now I realize the trap that middle aged women with schoolchildren fall into. My husband has an "important" job (has been on TV during recent hurricanes), and I feel so left behind. Can anyone relate?

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01/09/2023 12:45

Subject: I've become my mother

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Anonymous

Your mother is a lovely person

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01/09/2023 12:49

Subject: I've become my mother

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Anonymous

Growing up, my mom did 90% of household chores AND held down an engineering job. I never thought of her as stupid or out of touch.

I feel you on the autopilot part, though. I have maybe 3 people that I can discuss current events and big ideas with. I have to put in conscious effort to cultivate and nurture those relationships.

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01/09/2023 12:54

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my mom did 90% of household chores AND held down an engineering job. I never thought of her as stupid or out of touch.

I feel you on the autopilot part, though. I have maybe 3 people that I can discuss current events and big ideas with. I have to put in conscious effort to cultivate and nurture those relationships.

Mine was a secretary, even though she was college educated and a former military officer. I think that's more what I'm getting at. All those hopes and dreams and skills, just gone.

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01/09/2023 13:52

Subject: I've become my mother

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Anonymous

You are an adult who holds a job, has a child, and you still consider your mom dumb? A big problem is that you don't seem to have developed empathy and a nuanced understanding of how people spend their time. Just scorn for you and your mom.

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01/09/2023 13:55

Subject: I've become my mother

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Anonymous

Why not take a class, and volunteer? I've volunteered for an hour a week for the last 11 years and people are always fascinated that I do it.

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01/09/2023 14:02

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my mom did 90% of household chores AND held down an engineering job. I never thought of her as stupid or out of touch.

I feel you on the autopilot part, though. I have maybe 3 people that I can discuss current events and big ideas with. I have to put in conscious effort to cultivate and nurture those relationships.

Mine was a secretary, even though she was college educated and a former military officer. I think that's more what I'm getting at. All those hopes and dreams and skills, just gone.

So what are you going to DO? You can accept/learn to love what you have, or go out and make a change. But pick one.

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01/09/2023 14:11

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult who holds a job, has a child, and you still consider your mom dumb? A big problem is that you don't seem to have developed empathy and a nuanced understanding of how people spend their time. Just scorn for you and your mom.

That's what you got from my post?

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01/09/2023 14:12

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Why not take a class, and volunteer? I've volunteered for an hour a week for the last 11 years and people are always fascinated that I do it.

I guess I miss being accomplished.

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01/09/2023 14:24

Subject: I've become my mother

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Anonymous

Can you pick up a hobby or reconnect with friends? Try a meet up group with common interests as you. Join a gym. You have many options but you have to look for them.

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01/09/2023 14:26

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult who holds a job, has a child, and you still consider your mom dumb? A big problem is that you don't seem to have developed empathy and a nuanced understanding of how people spend their time. Just scorn for you and your mom.

That's what you got from my post?

"I've become my mother"

"I feel...ignorant. On autopilot. I used to think my mother was stupid, but now I realize the trap that middle aged women with schoolchildren fall into."

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01/09/2023 14:32

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

“All those hopes and dreams and skills…” I relate to this, op. I’m trying to center myself and my career again in 2023, after about 15 years on “autopilot.” Thanks for posting. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

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01/09/2023 14:35

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

Hmm I am a bit like you, though I have never been super ambitious (have a steady job I like well enough, but it's hardly fascinating or perfect).

Since WFH, I definitely have made it more of a priority to see friends though. Since I'm home all the time, I can feel cooped up. I walk with a friend twice a week, try to see at least one friend on the weekends, and then plan a dinner with a rotating cast every few weeks.

If you want to feel accomplished, maybe start a class or a steady volunteer gig.

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01/09/2023 14:40

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult who holds a job, has a child, and you still consider your mom dumb? A big problem is that you don't seem to have developed empathy and a nuanced understanding of how people spend their time. Just scorn for you and your mom.

That's what you got from my post?

"I've become my mother"

"I feel...ignorant. On autopilot. I used to think my mother was stupid, but now I realize the trap that middle aged women with schoolchildren fall into."

I mean...yeah? I do feel ignorant. My mom called when she saw DH on TV, all a-flutter about his success. I was unloading the dishwasher on a break from a job I've had for 15 years and can't get out of because I've developed such a niche skill set. I regret how I thought of her, because I realize now that life does that to a lot of women.

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01/09/2023 15:05

Subject: I've become my mother

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not take a class, and volunteer? I've volunteered for an hour a week for the last 11 years and people are always fascinated that I do it.

I guess I miss being accomplished.

So what new thing are you going to add to your life? Here's the thing: 20-somethings are not that accomplished and they don't make that much money. The things we did in our 20s seemed so great is because it was all so new. I am skeptical that you were more accomplished at your masters stage then you are today, 15 years into your career having developed a "niche skill" set. What you are, is bored. What do you feel you are ignorant about? That one, I am still following on a basic level.