Is age gap too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women over 30 especially with kids are attractive to those 50+. Men in their 30s and 40s mate with women in their 20s

I can't think of one single example of a man in his 40s dating women in his 20s in my social circle of well-educated high-income men. The only place I hear about this, actually, is DCUM.

+1

I’m 43 and date 20s and don’t bring it up to my colleagues or women friends (some know but only those I discuss personal things with).

I find dating younger in DC incredibly easy but know the clock is ticking on this. In 10 years I’m sure it will be impossible and I’ll age into dating 40s. (Even now, dating 20s is easier than 30s because 20s women aren’t thinking about marriage/kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women over 30 especially with kids are attractive to those 50+. Men in their 30s and 40s mate with women in their 20s

I can't think of one single example of a man in his 40s dating women in his 20s in my social circle of well-educated high-income men. The only place I hear about this, actually, is DCUM.

+1

I’m 43 and date 20s and don’t bring it up to my colleagues or women friends (some know but only those I discuss personal things with).

I find dating younger in DC incredibly easy but know the clock is ticking on this. In 10 years I’m sure it will be impossible and I’ll age into dating 40s. (Even now, dating 20s is easier than 30s because 20s women aren’t thinking about marriage/kids).

That's why most of them are reading bridal magazines and dreaming of the wedding. The groom is irrelevant. LoL. Only because the cost of living is so high in DC are women in their 20s interested in a man old enough do be their father. At least you admit this to yourself.

Why do you think your colleagues or women friends would care? Are you ashamed?

It's probably easier to date women without children at any age who have the freedom to just go out without needing to make arrangements for a sitter. I would completely understand why a man in his 40s would be interested in dating a woman without a lot of responsibilities or an ex-husband.

[Anonymous]

I would base it on health, lifestyle, and a frank conversation about your willingness to spend your 60s, when your friends are retiring and traveling the world, as a caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Ignore everyone who just wants to be catty but has no first hand experience. DH and I have a similar age difference, and it's starting to show now that we are in our 50s and 60s. We have been together over 20yrs since I was in my 30s and he was in his 40s, and it's never mattered until the last year or two.

Kids are still in school and I'm still working while DH is ready to retire. We're having a lot of disagreements and struggles over what that would look like and how it would work. We love each other and will figure it out, but it's an extra layer of stress that wouldn't be there if we were within a few years of each other. I won't say don't do it, but I'll say we both now have some frustrations we are having to work through. Especially since your child is not his biological child, really have hard conversations about whether there will be resentments down the road when he wants to retire and you still want to focus on paying for college, or your child rebounds back to live at home post-college, or things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore everyone who just wants to be catty but has no first hand experience. DH and I have a similar age difference, and it's starting to show now that we are in our 50s and 60s. We have been together over 20yrs since I was in my 30s and he was in his 40s, and it's never mattered until the last year or two.

Kids are still in school and I'm still working while DH is ready to retire. We're having a lot of disagreements and struggles over what that would look like and how it would work. We love each other and will figure it out, but it's an extra layer of stress that wouldn't be there if we were within a few years of each other. I won't say don't do it, but I'll say we both now have some frustrations we are having to work through. Especially since your child is not his biological child, really have hard conversations about whether there will be resentments down the road when he wants to retire and you still want to focus on paying for college, or your child rebounds back to live at home post-college, or things like that.

I don't understand what you mean by "what that will look like"? Plenty of people of similar age to their spouse retire before the other spouse for a variety of reasons. Does he not pay for anything kid does? Does he abstain/distance himself from all finances related to "your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women over 30 especially with kids are attractive to those 50+. Men in their 30s and 40s mate with women in their 20s

I can't think of one single example of a man in his 40s dating women in his 20s in my social circle of well-educated high-income men. The only place I hear about this, actually, is DCUM.

My social circle is entirely married. The friends who got divorced found new wives/gfs within a year, and the new woman is always 5-15 years younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women over 30 especially with kids are attractive to those 50+. Men in their 30s and 40s mate with women in their 20s

I can't think of one single example of a man in his 40s dating women in his 20s in my social circle of well-educated high-income men. The only place I hear about this, actually, is DCUM.

+1

I’m 43 and date 20s and don’t bring it up to my colleagues or women friends (some know but only those I discuss personal things with).

I find dating younger in DC incredibly easy but know the clock is ticking on this. In 10 years I’m sure it will be impossible and I’ll age into dating 40s. (Even now, dating 20s is easier than 30s because 20s women aren’t thinking about marriage/kids).

I can tell you as a late 50s guy, women in their 20s will still be available for you even 15 years from now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore everyone who just wants to be catty but has no first hand experience. DH and I have a similar age difference, and it's starting to show now that we are in our 50s and 60s. We have been together over 20yrs since I was in my 30s and he was in his 40s, and it's never mattered until the last year or two.

Kids are still in school and I'm still working while DH is ready to retire. We're having a lot of disagreements and struggles over what that would look like and how it would work. We love each other and will figure it out, but it's an extra layer of stress that wouldn't be there if we were within a few years of each other. I won't say don't do it, but I'll say we both now have some frustrations we are having to work through. Especially since your child is not his biological child, really have hard conversations about whether there will be resentments down the road when he wants to retire and you still want to focus on paying for college, or your child rebounds back to live at home post-college, or things like that.

I don't understand what you mean by "what that will look like"? Plenty of people of similar age to their spouse retire before the other spouse for a variety of reasons. Does he not pay for anything kid does? Does he abstain/distance himself from all finances related to "your kid?

Yeah, she keeps going to work, he stays home and does his hobbies or whatever, why is this challenging? Is the PP mad because her DH gets to retire while she’s still working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would be concerned for the long term.

Think about when you are 65 just ready to retire. He will be 77. When he is ready to retire at 65 you will be 53. Will you retire with him?

Then think about having sex with a 62 yr old when you are 50.

DH is six years older than me. That's as far as I would go. Luckily we can retire together and travel.

Wow you are ridiculous. 41 and 53 isn’t a significant gap honestly.

Yes it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would be concerned for the long term.

Think about when you are 65 just ready to retire. He will be 77. When he is ready to retire at 65 you will be 53. Will you retire with him?

Then think about having sex with a 62 yr old when you are 50.

DH is six years older than me. That's as far as I would go. Luckily we can retire together and travel.

Wow you are ridiculous. 41 and 53 isn’t a significant gap honestly.

Yes it is.

+1 yes, it is. I'm 52 DW. DH is 58. I could not imagine having sex with a 64 yr old right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women over 30 especially with kids are attractive to those 50+. Men in their 30s and 40s mate with women in their 20s

I can't think of one single example of a man in his 40s dating women in his 20s in my social circle of well-educated high-income men. The only place I hear about this, actually, is DCUM.

+1

I’m 43 and date 20s and don’t bring it up to my colleagues or women friends (some know but only those I discuss personal things with).

I find dating younger in DC incredibly easy but know the clock is ticking on this. In 10 years I’m sure it will be impossible and I’ll age into dating 40s. (Even now, dating 20s is easier than 30s because 20s women aren’t thinking about marriage/kids).

I can tell you as a late 50s guy, women in their 20s will still be available for you even 15 years from now.

Ewwwww.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would base it on health, lifestyle, and a frank conversation about your willingness to spend your 60s, when your friends are retiring and traveling the world, as a caretaker.

I mean I get what you’re saying entirely but…my parents and lots of their same age friends are in their early-mid 70s and still traveling the world, very involved/engaged w grandkids, going to the gym and/or out for walks every day, have active social life. They are not sitting at home frail and weak or needing a caretaker, as you imagine. Of course they will likely slow down and need more help as they age but 70s is not necessarily “needing a caretaker spouse” age.