Told by christian friend that my lifelong depression is because I don’t “know Jesus”

[Anonymous]

Tell her she's being extremely rude and hurtful. Clinical depression is a brain chemistry imbalance, and some people are more sensitive to that imbalance than others. It's not under conscious control, like clinical anxiety, ADHD, autism, bipolar disorder or any other psychiatric condition. They are managed by medication, not cured.

And after you tell her that, cut her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she's being extremely rude and hurtful. Clinical depression is a brain chemistry imbalance, and some people are more sensitive to that imbalance than others. It's not under conscious control, like clinical anxiety, ADHD, autism, bipolar disorder or any other psychiatric condition. They are managed by medication, not cured.

And after you tell her that, cut her off.

I have cut her off. And I won't explain anything about depression to her. Her viewpoint is sad and hurtful, though.

[Anonymous]

This is your friend being an idiot-slash-ahole, rather than Christian theology. I have family who are ordained clergy and all were required to take psychology courses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry OP - this is extremely unhelpful and offensive.

I am a mainstream Christian and would be horrified if someone gave me or a loved one this advice,

She is not willing to sit with you in your pain and be a loving presence. And she is woefully ignorant of medical realities related to depression.

Nonetheless, I would say a few things to her.

1. Actually you have it backwards; I am not able to cultivate my faith and spiritual life until my medical team and I have figured out how best to manage my depression with the right medicine, exercise and cognitive talk therapy.

2. Would you tel someone with cancer or a degenerative musculoskeletal disease that their symptoms are caused by lack of faith? You do realize that depression is a complex but legitimate medical condition right?

3. Yiur insensitive commentary actually puts people off Jesus and religion in general. When you talk like this and don’t validate my suffering and experiences, I am not feeling the love of Jesus but the misguided judgment of a misinformed Christian.



However she may not have ears to hear but it would be an act of love on your part to help her to understand what a dufus she is being and how her commentary is backfiring from its intention. I doubt she is aware of how overbearing and insensitive she is being.

Best wishes managing your depression - it really does take a multi-pronged approach. Exercise can be just as affective as medicine if you find an aerobic exercise you enjoy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (cognitive behavior therapy mixed with Eastern type mindfulness and present moment anchoring) helps many people also. May you find your inner joie du vivre once more.

OP here. Thank you. Regarding your #2...she actually has type 1 diabetes and never considers not using medicine and doctors to control that and deal with it. For some reason this sect of her religion and maybe all Christians (I'm not sure) only see MENTAL or PSYCHOLOGICAL issues in this light. It is somehow a failing, a lack of faith, a hole in my heart that I need to fill with Jesus, and they very specifically do NOT believe in psychotherapy and only believe in praying an emotional or mental problem away. I find it disgusting and disturbing honestly.

Thank you for your suggestions about DBT and exercise. I'm going to have to do something because it's been over 50 years of suffering and I cannot survive this much longer. The emotional distress and toll it's taken on my life is just too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your friend being an idiot-slash-ahole, rather than Christian theology. I have family who are ordained clergy and all were required to take psychology courses.

OP here...is it just more fundamentalist/evangelical sects then? They are very very devout and born again/evangelical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Religious people are happier. I’ve always wished I had a religion i really fit into. I was raised kind of nothing.

I don't think this is accurate.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a pastor and also takes an antidepressant. There are plenty of Christians with documented depression and other mental illness. Jesus made the blind see and we don’t hear your friend saying someone needs glasses because they don’t believe in Jesus, do we? I do personally think there is some mental health benefit to having faith but it doesn’t mean your body will always function 100% perfectly. Mental health is a medical condition like many other things and should be treated as a medical condition.

[Anonymous]

Christians don’t think God “punishes” His creations with depression.

If you have had years/decades of unrelenting depression, yoi are probably clinically depressed and need a psychiatrist and multiple medications. The psychiatrist can help you find the medications and dosages that work for you.

If your friend is making you feel worse about your depression, you need to tell her she is doing so. If she doesn’t stop, yoi need to tell her her friendship is not working for you anymore and move on.

You need to give your depression into the hands of a qualified medical professional and work with them and a therapist. Something or multiple somethings is causing you to feel depressed.

You can’t control your depression, but you can control your actions to deal with it. Do not blame yourself, your friend, or God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again. Meant to add the question: could this be true. I’m sometimes thinking that I’m being punished because medications don’t work or I have to stop them due to side effects, therapy hasn’t helped much, and I’m just suffering so much and wonder if I’m just being punished. Then sometimes I think that’s ridiculous , but I don’t know what to think and it sounds wrong to me what she says , but not thinking clearly when very depressed is making this more difficult .

Christian here and no, God does not punish! You can be saved through mercy and Grace. You are loved.

Depression is mental illness.

It is definitely true, though, that Jesus and God help me find and see the joy in life, and my life is happier after finding Jesus. But it did not cure my depression.

God does not punish people with depression.

You friend knows you and that you have struggled for decades. She knows you’ve tried medication and therapy to no avail. She might be telling you thr only thing she thinks might work.

Also, people who are clinically depressed are terrible to have a relationship with- over time, over many years of failed treatments and medications and therapy, they seem hopeless and seem to have given up. Interaction with you on a daily basis probably drains the life out of her.

Commit to therapy, a new therapist, new medication, exercise, and take care of yourself. Stop with the negativity of “God punishing you.” See your pastor and ask him to help you understand that’s not the case. And give your friend a break. You have to be responsible for your own thoughts and actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your friend being an idiot-slash-ahole, rather than Christian theology. I have family who are ordained clergy and all were required to take psychology courses.

OP here...is it just more fundamentalist/evangelical sects then? They are very very devout and born again/evangelical.

Either that, or a sect that calls itself Christian, but isn't really in the mainstream sense, or she just deeply severely misunderstands her own religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry OP - this is extremely unhelpful and offensive.

I am a mainstream Christian and would be horrified if someone gave me or a loved one this advice,

She is not willing to sit with you in your pain and be a loving presence. And she is woefully ignorant of medical realities related to depression.

Nonetheless, I would say a few things to her.

1. Actually you have it backwards; I am not able to cultivate my faith and spiritual life until my medical team and I have figured out how best to manage my depression with the right medicine, exercise and cognitive talk therapy.

2. Would you tel someone with cancer or a degenerative musculoskeletal disease that their symptoms are caused by lack of faith? You do realize that depression is a complex but legitimate medical condition right?

3. Yiur insensitive commentary actually puts people off Jesus and religion in general. When you talk like this and don’t validate my suffering and experiences, I am not feeling the love of Jesus but the misguided judgment of a misinformed Christian.



However she may not have ears to hear but it would be an act of love on your part to help her to understand what a dufus she is being and how her commentary is backfiring from its intention. I doubt she is aware of how overbearing and insensitive she is being.

Best wishes managing your depression - it really does take a multi-pronged approach. Exercise can be just as affective as medicine if you find an aerobic exercise you enjoy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (cognitive behavior therapy mixed with Eastern type mindfulness and present moment anchoring) helps many people also. May you find your inner joie du vivre once more.

OP here. Thank you. Regarding your #2...she actually has type 1 diabetes and never considers not using medicine and doctors to control that and deal with it. For some reason this sect of her religion and maybe all Christians (I'm not sure) only see MENTAL or PSYCHOLOGICAL issues in this light. It is somehow a failing, a lack of faith, a hole in my heart that I need to fill with Jesus, and they very specifically do NOT believe in psychotherapy and only believe in praying an emotional or mental problem away. I find it disgusting and disturbing honestly.

Thank you for your suggestions about DBT and exercise. I'm going to have to do something because it's been over 50 years of suffering and I cannot survive this much longer. The emotional distress and toll it's taken on my life is just too much.

I'm sorry your former friend was treating you that way. No, that is not a Christian point of view about mental health at all.

[Anonymous]

I’m a minister. I’m so sorry your friend said that to you. That is metaphysical malpractice. Religious abuse. It’s not ok, ever. It’s no different than telling someone their child is sick because they didn’t pray hard enough. It’s truly evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your friend being an idiot-slash-ahole, rather than Christian theology. I have family who are ordained clergy and all were required to take psychology courses.

OP here...is it just more fundamentalist/evangelical sects then? They are very very devout and born again/evangelical.

I’m one of the PP whose husband is a pastor. There are idiots everywhere, no one gets a monopoly on all of them. My husband is born again evangelical and preaches about his struggles with mental illness and his success with antidepressants. So it’s definitely not all evangelicals. In our circles I’ve never heard anything about mental illness being from lack of faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a minister. I’m so sorry your friend said that to you. That is metaphysical malpractice. Religious abuse. It’s not ok, ever. It’s no different than telling someone their child is sick because they didn’t pray hard enough. It’s truly evil.

Thank you for this.

The strange thing is, I almost never talk about my issues, and participate in life, being a good friend, etc. I've never put any of this on my friendships, and most people would never know the depths of my issues. But on the rare occasions it has come up, it has made things much worse for me to hear this from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your friend being an idiot-slash-ahole, rather than Christian theology. I have family who are ordained clergy and all were required to take psychology courses.

OP here...is it just more fundamentalist/evangelical sects then? They are very very devout and born again/evangelical.

I don’t personally know a lot about fundamentalists/evangelicals, but I don’t think being either devout or born again automatically forces a person to refuse medical treatment or criticize others for seeking it.