Told by christian friend that my lifelong depression is because I don’t “know Jesus”

[Anonymous]

The title pretty much says it all. In many ways, over the past few years, she has said that my depression I’ve suffered with off and on since childhood, is because I haven’t “accepted Jesus into my heart”.

She has said things like “it’s a sin to be depressed with everything god has done for me”
“I will know happiness when I’m saved”
“Psychological counseling is sinful because the Bible alone should be enough”

And other statements like that.

Over the past few months I’ve seen her less and less but we were just texting yesterday and she was saying these things again. I told her I didn’t want to talk about the subject with her anymore and ended the conversation but it has upset me again that other than this topic I am friends with her but i find this topic too hurtful and kind of unbelievable to be honest. In many ways, her pushing this issue has led me to even question my own faith .

This is all in spite of the fact that up until the past year, I’ve been a lifelong christian…just not of the “born again” type .

[Anonymous]

First, this is her issue, not yours. Saying that you're depressed because of a lack of acceptance of Jesus is about as true and effective as "pray away the gay". At best, if you are a believe, just believe that Jesus wants you to be well and get better and to take the steps necessary to get there. Counseling, medication, etc.

Don't let this question your faith, but you are in the right place of questioning this friendship. If you really want to keep this friendship a) don't discuss your mental health with her -- she is not a support and b) cut off any conversation on this topic with "my relationship with God is my business and I'm good with where I am".

[Anonymous]

Op again. Meant to add the question: could this be true. I’m sometimes thinking that I’m being punished because medications don’t work or I have to stop them due to side effects, therapy hasn’t helped much, and I’m just suffering so much and wonder if I’m just being punished. Then sometimes I think that’s ridiculous , but I don’t know what to think and it sounds wrong to me what she says , but not thinking clearly when very depressed is making this more difficult .

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the church and also suffer from lifelong depression. I’m an atheist in my core.

I think that your friend is insensitive to imply that your brain wiring is the result of a choice you made. It is not.

That said, there is the structure of my old faith that I’ve felt drawn to recently which is the idea of a personal relationship with Jesus, the forgiver of all sins. Someone who know your heart and loves you no matter what. That’s a pretty powerful promise.

Do you need to believe to benefit? As I mentioned, im an atheist as I don’t think we can know know. But, to me, that’s not at odds with choosing a faith. Which represents a hope. We depressed people are operating on a hope deficit.

[Anonymous]

I suspect this is her way of trying to shut you down because she doesn’t want to discuss your depression with you any further. Which I supposed is tantamount to her trying to end the friendship. It sucks. There’s more being written these days about how much a friend breakup sucks that you might want to seek out.

[Anonymous]

Why are you friends with her? She sounds ignorant and hateful.

"Your leg is broken! This is because you don't have Jesus!"

It's very well established that depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in your brain. It's not just something you do to yourself.

It took my sister and her doctors some time to find the right medication for her depression but when she did, night and day.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP - this is extremely unhelpful and offensive.

I am a mainstream Christian and would be horrified if someone gave me or a loved one this advice,

She is not willing to sit with you in your pain and be a loving presence. And she is woefully ignorant of medical realities related to depression.

Nonetheless, I would say a few things to her.

1. Actually you have it backwards; I am not able to cultivate my faith and spiritual life until my medical team and I have figured out how best to manage my depression with the right medicine, exercise and cognitive talk therapy.

2. Would you tel someone with cancer or a degenerative musculoskeletal disease that their symptoms are caused by lack of faith? You do realize that depression is a complex but legitimate medical condition right?

3. Yiur insensitive commentary actually puts people off Jesus and religion in general. When you talk like this and don’t validate my suffering and experiences, I am not feeling the love of Jesus but the misguided judgment of a misinformed Christian.



However she may not have ears to hear but it would be an act of love on your part to help her to understand what a dufus she is being and how her commentary is backfiring from its intention. I doubt she is aware of how overbearing and insensitive she is being.

Best wishes managing your depression - it really does take a multi-pronged approach. Exercise can be just as affective as medicine if you find an aerobic exercise you enjoy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (cognitive behavior therapy mixed with Eastern type mindfulness and present moment anchoring) helps many people also. May you find your inner joie du vivre once more.

[Anonymous]

She is not your friend.

[Anonymous]

Think of how many people don't believe in Jesus - they're not all depressed. Your depression is not your fault or connected to your religious beliefs. Your brain chemistry, your life circumstances ... But not your belief or lack of belief.

Drop her, because SHE is not good for your mental health. And get the professional help you need and deserve to take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I agree that this may be her way of telling you she’s tired of hearing about your depression and your general negativity.

[Anonymous]

Your friend is a hateful, malicious person. They may put on a good veneer at times, but at their core they are ugly. This is not a healthy friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again. Meant to add the question: could this be true. I’m sometimes thinking that I’m being punished because medications don’t work or I have to stop them due to side effects, therapy hasn’t helped much, and I’m just suffering so much and wonder if I’m just being punished. Then sometimes I think that’s ridiculous , but I don’t know what to think and it sounds wrong to me what she says , but not thinking clearly when very depressed is making this more difficult .

Christian here and no, God does not punish! You can be saved through mercy and Grace. You are loved.

Depression is mental illness.

It is definitely true, though, that Jesus and God help me find and see the joy in life, and my life is happier after finding Jesus. But it did not cure my depression.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t sound very bright. Move along.

[Anonymous]

Your friend is a horrible person. I would end this so called friendship. She is 100% wrong.

[Anonymous]

Religious people are happier. I’ve always wished I had a religion i really fit into. I was raised kind of nothing.