Recently discovered that my grandfather is not my bio

[Anonymous]

This is a personal decision but you need to think long and hard through this before you discussing with the extended family. He’s still your grandfather, even if not biological and even if he wasn’t a good person. He raised your mom and was part of the family.

There is a possibility everyone on one side of my family is not biologically related as it seems. I’ve decided not to look into anything since it won’t matter and could possibly open up stories that no one needs to hear. Many are older or have passed now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a personal decision but you need to think long and hard through this before you discussing with the extended family. He’s still your grandfather, even if not biological and even if he wasn’t a good person. He raised your mom and was part of the family.

There is a possibility everyone on one side of my family is not biologically related as it seems. I’ve decided not to look into anything since it won’t matter and could possibly open up stories that no one needs to hear. Many are older or have passed now.

Op here, and thank you for this. I will give it more thought. I think some of my initial reaction was out of shock. 40+ years of not knowing a secret existed. My dad said the same thing about being careful who I tell. He said everyone is not open to the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa!! I’m on ancestry and this is NOT enough info to say that is not your biological grandfather.

What do you mean? The centimorgans are in the low 400s between all my cousins and me. Thier's, however, are in the 800/900s. Nearly every website we have researched says the relatedness is either they are my half-first cousins or like great aunts or some other impossible scenario. Plus, it has connected me to relatives on "the other side" (mom's side) that don't show up in the cousins' list of relatives.

I have oddly varying percentages with different cousins. For some reason ten to 12 percent of a match with his three cousins on his moms dads side but only five percent with my dads first cousin on my dads moms side. I don’t think it means anything.

Your dad’s first cousin is your first cousin 1x removed. The percentage should be low.

The relatives I'm referring to are first cousins.

[Anonymous]

How do you know that YOU are the one not related, and not the other way around? One of your parents confirmed they were product of cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that YOU are the one not related, and not the other way around? One of your parents confirmed they were product of cheating?

Because other McNulty's (not real family name) are showing up as common relatives for my cousins but not me. A family name/relatives on my mom’s side that I don't recognize is showing for me and not them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that YOU are the one not related, and not the other way around? One of your parents confirmed they were product of cheating?

Because other McNulty's (not real family name) are showing up as common relatives for my cousins but not me. A family name/relatives on my mom’s side that I don't recognize is showing for me and not them.

What I’m saying is, your mother is product of your grandfather hence the marriage. The subsequent children, all product of an AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that YOU are the one not related, and not the other way around? One of your parents confirmed they were product of cheating?

Because other McNulty's (not real family name) are showing up as common relatives for my cousins but not me. A family name/relatives on my mom’s side that I don't recognize is showing for me and not them.

What I’m saying is, your mother is product of your grandfather hence the marriage. The subsequent children, all product of an AP.

My grandfather’s name was McNulty, though. Other McNultys are showing on their pages but not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa!! I’m on ancestry and this is NOT enough info to say that is not your biological grandfather.

What do you mean? The centimorgans are in the low 400s between all my cousins and me. Thier's, however, are in the 800/900s. Nearly every website we have researched says the relatedness is either they are my half-first cousins or like great aunts or some other impossible scenario. Plus, it has connected me to relatives on "the other side" (mom's side) that don't show up in the cousins' list of relatives.

I have oddly varying percentages with different cousins. For some reason ten to 12 percent of a match with his three cousins on his moms dads side but only five percent with my dads first cousin on my dads moms side. I don’t think it means anything.

Also, are you from a small area where your family has lived for generations? I am and I suspect the difference is that one side of the family had some ancestors marrying cousins so we are more related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa!! I’m on ancestry and this is NOT enough info to say that is not your biological grandfather.

What do you mean? The centimorgans are in the low 400s between all my cousins and me. Thier's, however, are in the 800/900s. Nearly every website we have researched says the relatedness is either they are my half-first cousins or like great aunts or some other impossible scenario. Plus, it has connected me to relatives on "the other side" (mom's side) that don't show up in the cousins' list of relatives.

I have oddly varying percentages with different cousins. For some reason ten to 12 percent of a match with his three cousins on his moms dads side but only five percent with my dads first cousin on my dads moms side. I don’t think it means anything.

Your dad’s first cousin is your first cousin 1x removed. The percentage should be low.

The relatives I'm referring to are first cousins.

You’re not getting my point. I’m comparing the percentage of DNA I share with cousins with whom I have the same relationship. First cousin once removed on one side of the family versus first cousin once removed on the other side of the family. I have a 7% difference in DNA sharing amount with cousins whom I have the same relationship. Just because you share a different percentage of DNA doesn’t necessarily mean anything even if it’s the same relation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that YOU are the one not related, and not the other way around? One of your parents confirmed they were product of cheating?

Because other McNulty's (not real family name) are showing up as common relatives for my cousins but not me. A family name/relatives on my mom’s side that I don't recognize is showing for me and not them.

What I’m saying is, your mother is product of your grandfather hence the marriage. The subsequent children, all product of an AP.

My grandfather’s name was McNulty, though. Other McNultys are showing on their pages but not mine.

Well, congratulations, the alcoholic abusive grandfather is not your relation. Good luck with your victory lap in front of your other cousins!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa!! I’m on ancestry and this is NOT enough info to say that is not your biological grandfather.

What do you mean? The centimorgans are in the low 400s between all my cousins and me. Thier's, however, are in the 800/900s. Nearly every website we have researched says the relatedness is either they are my half-first cousins or like great aunts or some other impossible scenario. Plus, it has connected me to relatives on "the other side" (mom's side) that don't show up in the cousins' list of relatives.

I have oddly varying percentages with different cousins. For some reason ten to 12 percent of a match with his three cousins on his moms dads side but only five percent with my dads first cousin on my dads moms side. I don’t think it means anything.

Your dad’s first cousin is your first cousin 1x removed. The percentage should be low.

The relatives I'm referring to are first cousins.

You’re not getting my point. I’m comparing the percentage of DNA I share with cousins with whom I have the same relationship. First cousin once removed on one side of the family versus first cousin once removed on the other side of the family. I have a 7% difference in DNA sharing amount with cousins whom I have the same relationship. Just because you share a different percentage of DNA doesn’t necessarily mean anything even if it’s the same relation

DP - there’s also evidence that shows the percentages are more accurate when it’s a woman being tested versus a man, so if some of these cousins are male versus female it may account for some differences in percentages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that YOU are the one not related, and not the other way around? One of your parents confirmed they were product of cheating?

Because other McNulty's (not real family name) are showing up as common relatives for my cousins but not me. A family name/relatives on my mom’s side that I don't recognize is showing for me and not them.

What I’m saying is, your mother is product of your grandfather hence the marriage. The subsequent children, all product of an AP.

My grandfather’s name was McNulty, though. Other McNultys are showing on their pages but not mine.

Well, congratulations, the alcoholic abusive grandfather is not your relation. Good luck with your victory lap in front of your other cousins!

What a strange thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that YOU are the one not related, and not the other way around? One of your parents confirmed they were product of cheating?

Because other McNulty's (not real family name) are showing up as common relatives for my cousins but not me. A family name/relatives on my mom’s side that I don't recognize is showing for me and not them.

What I’m saying is, your mother is product of your grandfather hence the marriage. The subsequent children, all product of an AP.

My grandfather’s name was McNulty, though. Other McNultys are showing on their pages but not mine.

Well, congratulations, the alcoholic abusive grandfather is not your relation. Good luck with your victory lap in front of your other cousins!

What a strange thing to say.

Did you read the OP??

“ Is it insensitive to begin referring to the man I thought was my grandfather as something other than my grandfather around my (half) cousins? He died when I was 7, I only vaguely remember him, and I would like to wipe that dysfunction from my genetic resume since it's inaccurate. Again part of me feels guilty because that's the story I know, but the other part is excited about my new truth and want to openly discover it. I've already told my kids and dad.”

[Anonymous]

It's just hard to understand why you're thinking the way you're thinking.

Grandpa might have been a bad guy who was abusive, so you want to erase him. That's unusual and most people don't do that. But ok if that's what you want to do, fine.

But there's no guarantee the bio grandfather and his descendants are any better. It's interesting and exciting, but learning about bio grandpa will not change anything about the history or generational dysfunction of your family. Maybe I'm reading you wrong but it seems like that's what you want to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you assume grandma miscalculated? Maybe your bio grandfather was the worse of the two.

Because I loved her, and since I will likely never know what led to the blip, I have decided not to demonize and reverse my opinion of her.

My bio grandparents were not mine by blood. But they were my grandparents. That's all I need to know, for me.

I don't get why you'd go looking for your bio grandfather. . . . It's not like he was / is your father.