BIL “and family”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh? You are included in the “and family.” If I told my DH that “I’d like to invite my friend Janet and her family over for pizza next week” that I’m including Janet’s husband in that.

What a weird thing for you to be fixated on.

And by the way, look how you just referred to her! “DH’s brother and SIL”…so she’s your husband’s SIL, but not yours?

Based on her non- inclusive attitudes, I don’t call her SIL.

OK, so I guess you’re even? LOL. I would say “Happy Holidays,” OP, but something tells me nothing makes you happy, even this time of year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the past, I chose very nice Christmas cards and signed them as “The Larlen Family. Larlo, Larly, and little Larlos” to send a clear message.

Using the birth of the Christ child and meaning of his teachings to “send a message” to extended family. Truly the reason for the season.

[Anonymous]

Lol. I couldn’t tell you how people address cards to us, because I don’t pay much attention to the envelopes. But you do you, OP, and be sure to get really worked up over something incredibly dumb.

[Anonymous]

I think you are really overanalyzing an envelope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may be a quirk in how they want to address their cards. You would fall under “and family”. I feel like the way they address their cards would be more appropriate if they only knew Larlo Larlen and didn’t know the family, like a work colleague.

When I address Christmas cards, I address it to “The Larlen Family”. It sounds more inclusive, even if it’s not materially different from how your SIL does it.

+100

[Anonymous]

Thinking about the smattering of Christmas cards I have received this year, I couldn't tell you how a single one is addressed. Why would you even remember that?

[Anonymous]

I don't see what the problem is, OP.

My husband's family refers to me as First Name Husband's Last Name, when I never changed my name. I don't mind that either.

[Anonymous]

Wait what? I'm so confused about how this is offensive. I assume they do addresses as "X and family" so the don't have to remember who changed their name upon marriage, etc etc. I definitely Larla Smith/Larlo Jones couples that would be deeply offended to be referred to as the Smith Family or the Jones Family. Saying "Larla Smith and family" avoids that.

[Anonymous]

I am assuming she had done other things that make this an annoyance. Just to commiserate, FIL still refers to me as the girlfriend. We have been married for 16 years. It is lovely. Happy Holidays! Sometimes families are the worst.

[Anonymous]

I do that when I don’t know the last names of everyone in the house or have reason to suspect they may be different (mom kept maiden name/kids from other relationships/etc.).

[Anonymous]

LOL my SIL sends the card to her brother and doesn't even bother with the "and family". His wife is not family and forget about the kids...she's "not a kid person" and informed me that I was contributing to global warming by reproducing.

[Anonymous]

I remember the day I realized my ILs never sent us their photo holiday cards -- ever.

It was easily 10 years after we got married, and I was invited to a party hosted by SIL's neighborhood friend. I saw SIL's photo card in their holiday display and I said something like "Oh, wow SIL -- I didn't know you sent holiday cards!"

She said, "We send them to friends. Obviously you don't need one. You know what we look like."

So there. I'm not even "and family" - I'm "not a friend."

[Anonymous]

They’re not going to win a prize from Emily post - I agree it’s rude - but I wouldn’t waste time and energy getting mad about this. Go live your life, don’t spend energy looking for ways to feel insulted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember the day I realized my ILs never sent us their photo holiday cards -- ever.

It was easily 10 years after we got married, and I was invited to a party hosted by SIL's neighborhood friend. I saw SIL's photo card in their holiday display and I said something like "Oh, wow SIL -- I didn't know you sent holiday cards!"

She said, "We send them to friends. Obviously you don't need one. You know what we look like."

So there. I'm not even "and family" - I'm "not a friend."

I wouldn’t say it to their face, but I don’t consider any of DH’s siblings (he has four) or their spouses friends. And they wouldn’t consider me one either. I think it’s more of an exception to be friends with your ILs.

[Anonymous]

Get a life, OP.