Depressed about not having a baby on the right timeline

[Anonymous]

You made a choice. You could have easily had a baby and budgeted accordingly, but you chose not to. This is on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been trying?

I got pregnant in my thirties and my first took 8 months? The others practically jumped into my uterus.

4 months

This isn't that long.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids younger and it wasn’t easy. We didn’t have money and needed family help (always with strings attached). I felt like I was walking a tightrope for almost a decade. Stop second guessing yourself.

[Anonymous]

Good luck to you, OP. And, a female friend of mine got pregnant on a short trip with her hubby. Relax is key, or else hormone screws up your ovulation.

[Anonymous]

100% I'm at 1.5 years of trying which feels like eternity. I've lost 4 pregnancies in that time and facing 20K to spend and it may or may not actually result in a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. As a couple other PPs have acknowledged, TTC is a special kind of hell. And the thing with fertility is it's so personal. Your age alone isn't particularly problematic, and 4 months is truly not long enough a time trying to be very worried yet, but as someone who also started trying around 36 and ultimately had a baby at 44 following years of treatment (for unexplained infertility, so very annoying), I'd suggest you and your spouse do some testing just to see if you find anything affecting either of your fertility. Your insurance may well cover some or all of that testing. For me, being proactive and gaining more concrete knowledge about potential problems and resolutions was very helpful in terms of combatting depression.

Wishing you good luck! At your age there is indeed a great chance that it'll happen for you without any intervention at all, and I hope it does.

I 100% agree with this. You should get testing done no matter what since you don’t want to wait any longer and feel you have waited too long already. DH and I got a bunch of testing done the first month we TTC just to make sure there were no obvious issues. DH got a sperm count and I got a bunch of blood test and another test I can’t remember the name of to check for blockages in the tubes.
It turned out I did not need to be so anxious since I got pregnant right away, but knowing more about my fertility and situation helped putting my nerves at ease… I think. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I understand how you're feeling and it's hard. But try to think ahead. You could easily be 40 with 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 4 years and it's the best thing. Look long term. This moment of your story is hard but the whole story is going to be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, TTC is a spiralling disaster of misery at any age but I can imagine the older you get the worse it gets. I haven't had your exact experience but I'm queer and while I was TTC it was so so hard to see pregnancy announcements or talk to other people trying who kept saying things like "it'll happen when you stop paying attention; just when you give up you'll get there" when we were spending upwards of $2000/month for failed IUIs and tons of monitoring appointments because it was literally not biologically possible for it to happen any other way for us. Good luck, OP! I hope things work out for you guys soon!

I had so many co-workers who were experiencing TTC challenges, I learned to just not say anything about our easy TTC at 36 (41 DH). It was better to just listen and try to be empathetic.

OP - I understand your reaction to seeing others become parents; its natural.

Please just keep trying, and good luck! Also, don't wait on getting fully tested (both sexes need to do this).

[Anonymous]

I can offer you the long view on this.

I had this feeling when I was TTC my kids. Every month felt like agony and I would calculate how old my DH and I would be if we got pregnant by X date.

My kids are now older. It doesn't matter at all and I never thought about it again.

I think there is a pretty big difference between having a baby at 22 and 42. But 29 or 30 vs 35 or 36? It just doesn't matter all that much. It's your anxiety about not having control over TTC outcome and your brain is finding things to latch on to in a state of panic.

[Anonymous]

I hope it happens for you soon, OP. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

go get the testing done. most insurance plans cover the diagnostic end of things. It all worked out for me (after lots of IVF) but I had this gut feeling when we started trying at 33 even thought my cycles were right on track and I never had any GYN issues. we got pregnant month 6, had a miscarriage and it took 3 months for my levels to go down to where we could do testing. basically lost a year. At 34 found out my AMH was undetectable and had to go straight to IVF. If I had known a year earlier it would have started our journey sooner. We were wasting our time trying every month.

Anyway hugs.

Things fell into place and I had DD1 at 37 and DD2 at 42 both with OE. On my timeline? Nope, but love them both and couldn't imagine it now any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to career and financial issues ( making 100k combined) / delayed career progression, we have not had a baby yet. We were married at 29 but were not in a financial position to grow our family. We are 35/36 now and everyone we know and younger has a kid. I am having a very strong reaction watching 29 years olds getting married abs having a baby at 30-31. It is what I had envisioned and wanted for my life and here I am childless and pushing 40.

I go into a spiral every time I hear a pregnancy announcement. We are TTC now and it hasn’t happened yet. I fall into a deep hole of depression and regret and hopelessness.

Can anyone relate?

You chose money.

[Anonymous]

I had twins at 35 and it worked out fine. You need to relax OP

[Anonymous]

Since when is 35/36 "pushing 40"??!?

[Anonymous]

OP you made the best decision for you at the time. If you now had a child, or were pregnant without the ups and downs of IVF, would you be questioning your earlier decision to wait? I think you’d be really happy your life was going as planned.

You make decisions on current circumstances and what you expect to come about based on that. But life doesn’t always work like that. Don’t beat yourself up because you couldn’t see the future. Hugs to you.