More of a vent because the die is cast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may have trouble accepting when they need to downgrade - whether that's a one bedroom in a senior community or a bedroom/bathroom in your house.

DH would probably host his dad, but there is no way he will live with his mother under one roof. He is a good son and he is able to be that way because he knows how to manage the relationship.

I do think the 1 BR in a senior community may be a point of conflict. I can't see my MIL going for that.

What choice does she have? A couple mil 20 years ago could have compounded to ofer $7M today if it was untouched and got about 7% interest.

where could you get 7% interest in the past 20 years?

The market has done better than that over that period of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you say they have about one year left of money. Is that at their current spending level? That is clearly out of whack? They need to buckle down NOW and turn that one year into a few more. Also, they can go back to work. Many people are in their 70s and 80s and still working because they need the money. If these people lived large with no plans for the future, I would not sacrifice any of my hard earned money on them.

Ok tough guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re not poor and they’re not young. None of this is gonna kill you. They sound like good people. Suck it up. They’re family.

What makes you think they sound like good people? They sound like people who decided to spend as much as they could without making a plan for the future, to avoid burdening their son and his family. What part of that sounds good to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re not poor and they’re not young. None of this is gonna kill you. They sound like good people. Suck it up. They’re family.

What makes you think they sound like good people? They sound like people who decided to spend as much as they could without making a plan for the future, to avoid burdening their son and his family. What part of that sounds good to you?

No, that’s not what happened. They did plan, they just didn’t plan well. And they’re family.

[Anonymous]

"You can't take it with you"


means that you accept the risk you'll spend the last years of your life like pauper.

Instead of thinking you'll mooch off other people.

So please remind them of their own words when you decline to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may have trouble accepting when they need to downgrade - whether that's a one bedroom in a senior community or a bedroom/bathroom in your house.

DH would probably host his dad, but there is no way he will live with his mother under one roof. He is a good son and he is able to be that way because he knows how to manage the relationship.

I do think the 1 BR in a senior community may be a point of conflict. I can't see my MIL going for that.

What choice does she have? A couple mil 20 years ago could have compounded to ofer $7M today if it was untouched and got about 7% interest.

where could you get 7% interest in the past 20 years?

AAPL - 40% returns over multiple years.

[Anonymous]

Were they generous with your family? Did they ever invite you on these vacations? Did they ever send your kids Christmas or birthday gifts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re not poor and they’re not young. None of this is gonna kill you. They sound like good people. Suck it up. They’re family.

What makes you think they sound like good people? They sound like people who decided to spend as much as they could without making a plan for the future, to avoid burdening their son and his family. What part of that sounds good to you?

No, that’s not what happened. They did plan, they just didn’t plan well. And they’re family.

Different poster. What planet are you posting from? They didn’t plan at all. They sound like dreadful, selfish people. What in OP’s posts make them seem remotely “good”? Family or not, time for them to reap what the’ve sowed.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I uncharitably wonder if my ILs situation will end up like this and that’s why my MIL pushed her kids to earn $$$ so strongly. I don’t really think so but…

Sorry OP. Tough when you aren’t on the same page as your husband.

[Anonymous]

If they need care and have no money, they do it through long term care medicaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re not poor and they’re not young. None of this is gonna kill you. They sound like good people. Suck it up. They’re family.

Um, no. Spoken like a true Boomer.

[Anonymous]

"But she will have to accept reality - she didn't save for old age and now old age is arriving and "you get what you get and you don't get upset.""

To be fair, they've been old for a while. Old age is not just now arriving. But yes, they'll have to deal with what they have. I'd push them to stop the spending immediately and stretch out what they have for another 8-10 years.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to youR DH npw about a plan. He should push for them to see a financial advisor and go with them. It might make more sense to sell the house, move to a smaller place and invest the extra money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will be forced to spend down their assets and then live wherever the government will pay for. That is the deal. Unless you choose to fund some fancier life for them — which you have zero obligation to do.

+1 this is of course the truth but obviously when things start to shift it will be unbelievably hard to deny them financial help. Yet, the reality is that your ILs made their choices and lived quite well. Why should you and your husband have to step in when you had no control or say over those choices they made. OP, do you have kids? If it were me and I had kids, there is no way on this earth that I would be comfortable helping them in lieu of providing more for my children.

[Anonymous]

Is your DH the only child or are there other siblings? MIL, and probably FIL, needs a dose of reality. They probably need to sell the house and rent an apartment. Do they receive social security benefits, Medicare, retirement?? I wouldn’t be willing to give any $$ until I have seen their ENTIRE financial picture. Does your DH know the details or he simply think they are running out of money? People who are in this position often have their head in the sand and are afraid to look at all the financial numbers. Financial planner STAT!

Sorry you are in this position, but I would insist on total transparency. They also need to know that YOU are involved too because you have your own financial future to worry about too.