Am I being unreasonable/selfish? AITA?

[Anonymous]

I feel strongly that I need the space for my mental health, but o guess I come across as an TA as opposed to a family member who also has needs.

[Anonymous]

Also, something a friend did to get away from this in general once she had teens: They built a little cottage house in the backyard for her. It isn't big, just big enough, and even the walk on the little path to get to the space begins her unwind. it's even better than the space she used to have inside the house.

Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel strongly that I need the space for my mental health, but o guess I come across as an TA as opposed to a family member who also has needs.

OP, would your family consider you inflexible in general? If so their reaction to this might be more a symptom than that they care about the workout room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. She should be allowed to have one space in her house thats just for her. Get them some yoga mats for the family room.

Presumably she has a room.

They're all her rooms, because it's her house. Adults can set rules in their own houses. Unless these kids are paying the mortgage, OP has every right to keep the room off limits. NTA, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. She should be allowed to have one space in her house thats just for her. Get them some yoga mats for the family room.

Presumably she has a room.

They're all her rooms, because it's her house. Adults can set rules in their own houses. Unless these kids are paying the mortgage, OP has every right to keep the room off limits. NTA, OP.

DP. It wouldn't be a problem but her DH shared the view that she should let the kids use the room. Otherwise it wouldn't be an issue.

[Anonymous]

I read your other thread, and what struck me is that you sound like you are expressing the mental rigidity I associate with ADHD.

If you are working on mental rigidity with your kids, this could be an opportunity to model the same.

[Anonymous]

You need to provide a real alternative space. A gym membership won’t cut it. You won’t have to share and you can support their desire to be fit. Important for emotional balance - for you and them.

[Anonymous]

I am very flexible when it comes to my family and their needs. I compromise in virtually everything. So much that I’ve lost myself and my autonomy. I consider my entire family in every decision I make, including the current dilemma, which is why I posted the scenario to begin with. This yoga space is the one thing I’ve asked for/requested for myself. I consider it a need to keep me mentally well and able to be there for my family. Like many parents, I’m constantly giving of myself and of my time. I share everything including my car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very flexible when it comes to my family and their needs. I compromise in virtually everything. So much that I’ve lost myself and my autonomy. I consider my entire family in every decision I make, including the current dilemma, which is why I posted the scenario to begin with. This yoga space is the one thing I’ve asked for/requested for myself. I consider it a need to keep me mentally well and able to be there for my family. Like many parents, I’m constantly giving of myself and of my time. I share everything including my car.

Perhaps true (and not unusual as a parent), but that doesn’t mean you aren’t demonstrating a fair amount of mental rigidity here.

I feel for you — I can hear the exhaustion in your post — but what the kids are asking is not unreasonable if there are rules and your DH is on board. That doesn’t make you an AH, though, and I think you need to stop framing it that way.

[Anonymous]

Offering another view. NTA.

As SN parents we hear a lot, talk about, and recommend self-care to eaech other.

OP, I see this room, your special room, as your place to go for self-care.

I do not do yoga (or work out in the house), but going into your sanctuary and finding it dirty, possibly smelly (I had a teen), things out of place, lights on etc. does not feel like a path to self-care. I would suggest a family team meeting and come to an agreement on an alternative place for the teens to work out. That will be their place to clean, keep up, and go to. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teens have ADHD and mental health disorders. They are messy, disorganized and don’t take care of our home or their own rooms. Their level of hygiene differs from my own. Their executive functioning deficits make consistent behaviors unrealistic. They leave lights on, the tv on, weights out, mat dirty, etc. they don’t mind being dirty and wearing dirty cloths. I’m particular and like my space clean, organized, and predictable.

Get sensors that shut off the lights. Help them clean their room weekly and have them pick up daily. Start with a helping to do a good room clean every so often and redecorate to make it a room the want to keep up.

No, you aren't selfish to want your own space.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a great job you’ve done carving peace out for yourself and your husband should have had your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read your other thread, and what struck me is that you sound like you are expressing the mental rigidity I associate with ADHD.

If you are working on mental rigidity with your kids, this could be an opportunity to model the same.

Mental rigidity is associated with the autism spectrum (one end of which is very high-functioning). People frequently have ADHD and a form of autism. But ADHD by itself is not characterized by rigidity.

[Anonymous]

Can you remodel the garage to be your new space? Or remodel it for the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read your other thread, and what struck me is that you sound like you are expressing the mental rigidity I associate with ADHD.

If you are working on mental rigidity with your kids, this could be an opportunity to model the same.

Mental rigidity is associated with the autism spectrum (one end of which is very high-functioning). People frequently have ADHD and a form of autism. But ADHD by itself is not characterized by rigidity.

That is not consistent with what multiple neuropsychs have told me regarding ADHD.