Am I being unreasonable/selfish? AITA?

[Anonymous]

I’m reposting this from the teen thread looking for a different perspective. Thanks to the person who recommended I post here.

I have a yoga room that has always been used by only me. It’s been my sacred space since my kids were toddlers. This is where I escape, work out, pray, meditate. I don’t want to share my sanctuary.

Now that my kids are teenagers, they want to work out in my studio. They began using the space without asking me and assume they can use it since it’s part of our house. I get that.

There is not another space in our home for them to work out aside from their rooms or the garage. I’d be happy to buy them a gym membership, but they want to work out at home. I’d be ok with creating space in the garage (not ideal, I know) for them or their rooms, but they weren’t interested. I’m very particular about my things and keep my space very clean and hygienic. They do not share the same level of cleanliness and hygiene.

Am I being unreasonable if I make the room off limits to my teenagers? My husband disagrees with me and thinks the yoga room should be a shared space and that we should be supporting and encouraging our children’s physical fitness. I’m heartbroken over this, as silly as it may sound. AITA?

[Anonymous]

Yeah I think you are TA. You can require them to keep it clean and strictly for working out or meditating, but I do think it's short sighted to only have this bonus room for yourself. Besides the fact that you're not promoting their mental and physical health, you're teaching them to be selfish (which is what you are, in my opinion)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I think you are TA. You can require them to keep it clean and strictly for working out or meditating, but I do think it's short sighted to only have this bonus room for yourself. Besides the fact that you're not promoting their mental and physical health, you're teaching them to be selfish (which is what you are, in my opinion)

+1, but there needs to be time blocked off when you are the only one using it. Hard to meditate if someone is grunting from burpees on the other side of the room.

[Anonymous]

Do your children have disabilities? What's the connection between any disability and their use of the room?

On the facts here, YTA. You can set rules for the room, including cleaning up after themselves, but not unilaterally ban them from the room when you aren't using it.

[Anonymous]

My teens have ADHD and mental health disorders. They are messy, disorganized and don’t take care of our home or their own rooms. Their level of hygiene differs from my own. Their executive functioning deficits make consistent behaviors unrealistic. They leave lights on, the tv on, weights out, mat dirty, etc. they don’t mind being dirty and wearing dirty cloths. I’m particular and like my space clean, organized, and predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teens have ADHD and mental health disorders. They are messy, disorganized and don’t take care of our home or their own rooms. Their level of hygiene differs from my own. Their executive functioning deficits make consistent behaviors unrealistic. They leave lights on, the tv on, weights out, mat dirty, etc. they don’t mind being dirty and wearing dirty cloths. I’m particular and like my space clean, organized, and predictable.

Why leave this out of the OP, OP?

[Anonymous]

YTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teens have ADHD and mental health disorders. They are messy, disorganized and don’t take care of our home or their own rooms. Their level of hygiene differs from my own. Their executive functioning deficits make consistent behaviors unrealistic. They leave lights on, the tv on, weights out, mat dirty, etc. they don’t mind being dirty and wearing dirty cloths. I’m particular and like my space clean, organized, and predictable.

In that case, I say NTA. They can work out in their rooms or the garage.

[Anonymous]

I disagree. She should be allowed to have one space in her house thats just for her. Get them some yoga mats for the family room.

[Anonymous]

You should give them an alternative that isn’t a gym membership. Do you really think they would use it? How would they get there? Why spend that kind of money with nothing to show for it in the end? Renovate part of the garage to a real workout space and tell them that’s their gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. She should be allowed to have one space in her house thats just for her. Get them some yoga mats for the family room.

Presumably she has a room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens have ADHD and mental health disorders. They are messy, disorganized and don’t take care of our home or their own rooms. Their level of hygiene differs from my own. Their executive functioning deficits make consistent behaviors unrealistic. They leave lights on, the tv on, weights out, mat dirty, etc. they don’t mind being dirty and wearing dirty cloths. I’m particular and like my space clean, organized, and predictable.

Why leave this out of the OP, OP?

I didn’t consider my original post from the special needs perspective. I posted it on the teens forum and was advised to post here for a different perspective.

[Anonymous]

My yoga room is off limits too. It is literally the only room in my house that is my own and trust me when I say maintaining my practice in my private space is good for the entire family! The kids can go to their rooms, garage, many other places. I am with you 0P. You know those are all these articles about how Moms don’t do enough self-care, but when we set boundaries are looked at as selfish. Give us a break.

[Anonymous]

I’ve offered my kids gym memberships and they have space in their rooms to work out, but they are want to use my clean and organized space. The room was my place to decompress, but when o go in after they’ve used it I’m stressed and annoyed by their messes and lack of care for my equipment.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe set rules and give them access. If they don't comply, then continue to ban them from that space.

This way you will have tried.

I totally get where you're coming from, but if you have a DH who doesn't understand, and the kids don't either, they will never see if from your perspective.

Set rules and parameters. If it doesn't work, then at least you tried and can point to that.