Masturbation/normal sexual exploration among toddlers/preschoolers

[Anonymous]

The "I like my penis" story cracks me up, and reminds me of what my DS3 said recently. He knows he has a penis and his sister does not. One night after bath I was toweling him dry and he asked "Do I take my penis off now?" As if his sister has LOST hers!

[Anonymous]

i feel better now because my daughter does the same thing usually when getting ready for bed i was really freak out i am a single mother and i talked to her to make sure that she is not doing it some where else or in front of others she is 5 now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son, 5, sometimes starts touching himself when getting ready for bed. quote]

My five year old DS touches his penis ALL THE TIME, sort of for comfort I think??? Often through his pants, but definately if his clothes are off, he is touching his penis -- after going to the bathroom, changing into a bathing suit, changing into pajamas, ANY TIME IT HITS THE AIR. I thought it was just the way boys are (another single mom here) but now I hope that this "level of activity" is normal. I guess they're all different???

[Anonymous]

Hey there OP. From what I have read and who I have talked to it is almost always normal. I have had known some kids, though, that use it as a coping mechanism for anxiety. It was indicative of some other issues and she had problems coping, period. This does not sound like your child, but I felt badly for the mom in this other situation, b/c everyone kept telling her her kid was normal, but it wasn't and the mom knew it.

When my 4 year old daughter starts to touch herself, I tell her that we only touch ourselves in private, like in our bedrooms. I don't want to the "sinner" crap that was put on me, God forbid we even knew we had a vagina growing, let alone its many uses!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

PP here, I meant growing up, not just that our private parts were growing. Hah!

[Anonymous]

So when people tell their child "we only do that in private" does that mean alone, or only at home? i.e., is it okay to touch his penis in front of his parents?

[Anonymous]

PP here. In front of parents is not private. Alone is private. In bedroom alone is private.

[Anonymous]

I try to use the "alone in private" phrase to be neutral. It covers everything from using the potty, picking his/her nose, and masturbating-ish behavior. Just some things we do alone, in private...

[Anonymous]

question about the 'alone in private' part --

DS (almost 5) touches himself while we're reading books to him before bed....we usually gently tell him to stop touching and just leave it alone (he'll say...."it's getting too big" and start playing with it, and we'll say, just leave it alone, it's ok, sort of thing). I've hesitated to use the "in private" line because we DO help him take baths, and we see his penis there, and so wouldn't that be a confusing message?

thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey there OP. From what I have read and who I have talked to it is almost always normal. I have had known some kids, though, that use it as a coping mechanism for anxiety. It was indicative of some other issues and she had problems coping, period. This does not sound like your child, but I felt badly for the mom in this other situation, b/c everyone kept telling her her kid was normal, but it wasn't and the mom knew it!

OP here (a little surprised to see this thread is back!). Actually, I have noticed that she is more likely to do it when she is tired or a little anxious. She doesn't do it when she's relaxed and happy. On the other had, it comes and goes, and she doesn't do it compulsively, so I will just keep an eye on the situation while reminding her that it's a private thing. Thanks for your input.

[Anonymous]

I have a 3yo boy and all I can say is.....ALL THE TIME. It's just what they do! Does not worry me though and seems more like exploration and curiosity (this is how he is about everything actually) then anything else.

[Anonymous]

I have had known some kids, though, that use it as a coping mechanism for anxiety. It was indicative of some other issues and she had problems coping, period. This does not sound like your child, but I felt badly for the mom in this other situation, b/c everyone kept telling her her kid was normal, but it wasn't and the mom knew it.

This is called a tensional outlet, and it's not at all abnormal to need a little assist in coping with the stresses of a new school, new baby, new nanny, divorce, etc. It's not ideal for a child to compulsively bite her nails, pick his nose, suck her thumb, rub her genitals, twirl his hair ... true. But neither is it weird or unusual or cause to see a child psychologist immediately. Clearly I don't know the girl's situation cited above, but most kids who do this are perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

Mom of a 6 yo son here, and I add my voice to the ALL THE TIME vote! My DS was all over it the moment he was out of diapers. He used it as a soothing, coping mechanism and still does. He's also a thumb sucker and a nail biter ... just an anxious little guy, which we are working on. However, the only in private conversation really didn't persuade him until we finally took away TV privileges for a few days after "catching" him doing it in the house. We knew from his teachers that he was doing it at school too. We did NOT want to send a message that it was "bad" however it had become such a habit that he barely knew he was doing it and therefore could not make the decision about whether the timing/place was appropriate. Two "catches" with the gently worded punishment made a huge difference. He still goes to sleep in his usual way!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:question about the 'alone in private' part --

DS (almost 5) touches himself while we're reading books to him before bed....we usually gently tell him to stop touching and just leave it alone (he'll say...."it's getting too big" and start playing with it, and we'll say, just leave it alone, it's ok, sort of thing). I've hesitated to use the "in private" line because we DO help him take baths, and we see his penis there, and so wouldn't that be a confusing message?

thanks!

I'm the poster with the "I like my penis!" 3 YO. Of course we help our son with baths too, and help him clean his penis thoroughly because it's uncircumcised. I've explained that no one should touch his penis except him, mommy, and daddy. He likes to run around the house naked and that's fine with us, but if he starts to play with his penis we say, "That's private behavior that you need to do in your room." Dr. Sears recommends this approach and adds that "public" includes public areas of the house. So the message is, (1) you playing with your pens is private so please do it in your room, and (2) only you, mommy, and daddy touch your penis. I don't think there's a mixed message there. We just distinguish between us touching it in the bath for cleaning and him touching it outside the bath for fun; the latter is private behavior.

[Anonymous]

Masturbation is normal for anyone IMO. Heck, I masturbate on a regular basis...